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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable ?

113 replies

LVS2627 · 20/03/2023 16:14

My partners brother and his girlfriend are getting married this summer.
My little girl is going to be flower girl.
Am I being unreasonable to feel abit miffed at the fact my parents haven't been invited to atleast their evening do?
They both know my family reasonably well as I do with my partners brothers girlfriends family- I even invited her family to my little girls 1st birthday party.
On top of this my mum will be picking my little girl up from the evening do as children aren't allowed for the eve reception. Shes going to have to travel 45 mins there and back to collect her which she doesn't mind but I just feel guilty. My future sil also had the cheek last night to say 'oh well she can come in for one drink' like she's going to want to do that when everyone's drunk and dressed up.
I think my parents would have loved to come just to see my little girl in her flower girl dress.
Maybe I'm being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Tomkirkman · 20/03/2023 16:48

I am going to take a wild guess that you really don’t like your Bil and his wife.

GlassBunion · 20/03/2023 16:50

You are being massively unreasonable.

GingerBoot · 20/03/2023 16:51

I'm going to take a wilder guest and suggest that OP is upset that DC is not invited to evening event and so, in reality, thinks if her parents have to travel for 45 minutes to pick her up, why can't they just be invited and whole family get to attend evening reception

ZeroFuchsGiven · 20/03/2023 16:52

You invited your husbands, brothers, girlfriends parents to your daughters first birthday party?

They must think you are utterly bonkers 😂

Ishefuckingkiddingme · 20/03/2023 16:53

LVS2627 · 20/03/2023 16:26

@patrickbatemansbusinesscard ....yes cos I'm am extremely selfish person like that. Don't be absolutley ridiculous!!! You have no idea about me.

Then explain how you think it benefits the bride and groom to have your parents who they barely know at their wedding?

Hoppinggreen · 20/03/2023 16:53

LVS2627 · 20/03/2023 16:19

They are friends with the family....I never said they weren't close. I said they see them often.
Why is everyone so judgemental on here.

Just because you don’t like the answers it doesn’t mean people are being judgemental

Timmy2023 · 20/03/2023 16:55

Sorry op, but I think you're being unreasonable.

There's no obligation to invite the grooms brother's girlfriends parents. I definitely wouldn't expect it.

headingtosun · 20/03/2023 16:56

OP it honestly would be unreasonable to expect an invite for your parents.
Also 45 minutes of driving really is nothing.

That said if they are getting married in a church your parents can just turn up and watch.

SeasonFinale · 20/03/2023 16:56

LVS2627 · 20/03/2023 16:22

They know the family ! They see them at events!! I invited her family to my little girls party. Would I do that if we weren't friends with the family?
I am sad for my parents. Please don't jump down my throat.

So what? They don't make the list which presumably has restricted numbers. They have family and friends that are more important to them. They make the cut not not your parents. That is how weddings work.

WhyCantYourPartnerDoIt · 20/03/2023 16:57

YABU, not least for creating a post on AIBU with the subject line "Am I Being Unreasonable?".

Is there no sanity left in the world?

musicalgymball · 20/03/2023 17:00

Yes.

CantGetDecentNickname · 20/03/2023 17:06

It is understandable that you are sad your parents were not invited, but you would be best not to voice this to anyone as it is not unreasonable on the part of the bride and groom to not have invited them. They will have a budget to stick to and as your parents are not closely related to them, they probably couldn't stretch that far. However, they have invited you and your DD who has a role, so they have included your family in their wedding.

MelchiorsMistress · 20/03/2023 17:09

There is really no reason for you to be sad for your parents. the bride was kind enough to say they could come in for a drink, they can see your child in her dress then, or at any other time.

StaySpicy · 20/03/2023 17:09

YABU.

A bride and groom will want their nearest and dearest at their wedding. The parents of his brother's partner are not nearest OR dearest.

JorisBonson · 20/03/2023 17:11

You are being massively unreasonable. The day isn't about you or your family.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 20/03/2023 17:12

Oh Op, You cant stand your SIL or her family, Why would you want your parents there?>

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4613742-toxic-family

Queenofheart · 20/03/2023 17:12

Why not ask your parents to be outside the church when you arrive so they can see your little girl going in with the bride, anyone can do that ... My husband's neice is getting married in a couple of weeks, we're not invited to the day do, just the evening and they are very close, I'm not offended, it's up to the B&G who they invite and for the guests not to have an issue with it.

MrsDoylesDoily · 20/03/2023 17:12

Erm YABU OP but I think you know it deep down 😏

How can you compare an invite to a baby's party, to a wedding invite?? 😂😂

Bedusa · 20/03/2023 17:14

YABU. One of those things you'll realise in a few years and cringe a bit.
We've all been there.

callthataspade · 20/03/2023 17:16

LVS2627 · 20/03/2023 16:19

They are friends with the family....I never said they weren't close. I said they see them often.
Why is everyone so judgemental on here.

??? You've literally come here for judgment

This is AIBU

But yeah. You're being massively unreasonable

You can invite whoever you like to your own wedding.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 20/03/2023 17:19

I can not believe you are calling people judgemental when your other thread about your SIL is probably one of the most judgemental jealousy fuelled ops Ive ever read on here.

GingerBoot · 20/03/2023 17:19

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4613742-toxic-family. Thanks @ZeroFuchsGiven
I think yabu for not expecting people on MN to do a little research, OP. This would be so funny if it wasn't so dreadfully two-faced and toxic.
Why on earth would you want DC to be flower girl for someone you so clearly despise, but you're also complaining that your parents aren't invited? Honestly, people on here never fail to shock me

Phonemonkey2023 · 20/03/2023 17:21

Have your own wedding - then consider your pov.

emilybrook · 20/03/2023 17:22

It’s their wedding…. They shouldn’t be obligated to invite anyone

MrsDoylesDoily · 20/03/2023 17:23

ZeroFuchsGiven · 20/03/2023 17:19

I can not believe you are calling people judgemental when your other thread about your SIL is probably one of the most judgemental jealousy fuelled ops Ive ever read on here.

I've just read that and it's made me sick to the stomach to read the OP's jealousy towards her future SIL.

When everyone likes someone (and everyone clearly does like the SIL), you need to ask yourself why is it that you clearly hate her, although I think the answer is pretty clear.

Also if what you say is true and your MIL and SIL's mum were really whispering behind your mum's back, why on earth do you want her at the wedding anyway?

I think the fact she's marrying into this family and you haven't, is also bothering you.