Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable ?

113 replies

LVS2627 · 20/03/2023 16:14

My partners brother and his girlfriend are getting married this summer.
My little girl is going to be flower girl.
Am I being unreasonable to feel abit miffed at the fact my parents haven't been invited to atleast their evening do?
They both know my family reasonably well as I do with my partners brothers girlfriends family- I even invited her family to my little girls 1st birthday party.
On top of this my mum will be picking my little girl up from the evening do as children aren't allowed for the eve reception. Shes going to have to travel 45 mins there and back to collect her which she doesn't mind but I just feel guilty. My future sil also had the cheek last night to say 'oh well she can come in for one drink' like she's going to want to do that when everyone's drunk and dressed up.
I think my parents would have loved to come just to see my little girl in her flower girl dress.
Maybe I'm being unreasonable?

OP posts:
GulfCoastBeachGirl · 20/03/2023 17:23

You are massively over thinking this. What makes you so sure your parents would even want an invitation? I'm probably somewhere in their age range and, let me tell you, the shine wore off weddings decades ago😂

They are the ones getting the best part of this deal. They get to see their granddaughter looking adorable in her dress, they'll likely treat her to a restaurant and then get to spend the evening with her. And you get to have a childfree evening out.

Win/win.

SazCat · 20/03/2023 17:24

That's up to you if you invited your SILs parents to your DDs birthday party. That doesn't mean they should invite your parents to their wedding!!!
They aren't related are they, and can't be close enough if they have chosen not to invite them?

TomorrowsPrincess · 20/03/2023 17:25

It's not your wedding and you have no right to be 'miffed' about who is or isn't on the guest list! Of course you know YABU!

5128gap · 20/03/2023 17:25

People are getting hung up on whether the formal relationship warrants an invite, when that's not the point really. There's no rules about cut off points for various degrees of in law. It's the social relationship that counts and clearly OP, you thought it close enough for your parents to be included. That's not unreasonable as unless numbers are an issue, many people think the more the merrier at an evening do.
However, you also say they don't want children at there, and presumably if your mum was invited she wouldn't be able to take your DD away at the required time, so maybe that's it? That would explain the one drink thing too, as she doesn't want your mum (and therefore DD) there for the duration.

strawberry2017 · 20/03/2023 17:31

Yes you are very very unreasonable

Tomkirkman · 20/03/2023 17:34

5128gap · 20/03/2023 17:25

People are getting hung up on whether the formal relationship warrants an invite, when that's not the point really. There's no rules about cut off points for various degrees of in law. It's the social relationship that counts and clearly OP, you thought it close enough for your parents to be included. That's not unreasonable as unless numbers are an issue, many people think the more the merrier at an evening do.
However, you also say they don't want children at there, and presumably if your mum was invited she wouldn't be able to take your DD away at the required time, so maybe that's it? That would explain the one drink thing too, as she doesn't want your mum (and therefore DD) there for the duration.

Well no op doesn’t think they are close enough.

Op once invite the sils family to something and regretted it.

She hates sils family because her Mil likes them and is hugely jealous of her sil.

I think there’s a few issues here, which are all the Ops.

DogDream · 20/03/2023 17:36

I’ve just read your other thread.

So basically you’re hung up on disliking your In Laws and looking for reasons to hate them… and hoping you can get everyone on board with hating them too so you feel better about yourself.

Honesty OP, and I’m saying this with kindness: you’ll live a much happier life if you let your jealousy and obsession go.

Phonemonkey2023 · 20/03/2023 17:36

Are you jealous they are getting married before you OP?

SunshineAndFizz · 20/03/2023 17:37

Just because you've met someone a few times doesn't mean you invite them to your wedding. If you did that with everyone you met the wedding would be huge.

BakedTattie · 20/03/2023 17:38

They didn’t want to invite them. It’s their choice.

get over it.

Tomkirkman · 20/03/2023 17:43

I am confused why the Op isn’t really happy about them not being invited.

Instead of getting her mum to drive the 45 mins to pick up the child, Op could leave take the child home. Tell her Dps family her mum can no longer drive.

She really doesn’t like her Bil or his wife to be and it’s a perfect excuse to leave m. Her Dp can stay. Her Mum doesn’t need to drive the 45 mins. sorted.

LarryStylinson · 20/03/2023 17:44

Oh dear. Your other thread about SIL....... 😬

5128gap · 20/03/2023 17:46

Tomkirkman · 20/03/2023 17:34

Well no op doesn’t think they are close enough.

Op once invite the sils family to something and regretted it.

She hates sils family because her Mil likes them and is hugely jealous of her sil.

I think there’s a few issues here, which are all the Ops.

Show quote history

Yes posted this before I'd seen the other thread.

EL8888 · 20/03/2023 17:46

YANVVU why would they invite your parents?! I’m their situation l would be very surprised if they did

SoupDragon · 20/03/2023 17:49

On top of this my mum will be picking my little girl up from the evening do as children aren't allowed for the eve reception.

how do you see that working if your mum is at the evening reception?

anyway, YABU. I really don't see why they should have been invited - there are never enough spaces for the people you want to invite and your parents would be well down the list unfortunately.

gemloving · 20/03/2023 17:54

You are definitely unreasonable.

I wouldn't have dreamt of inviting my husbands sister/ brother's wives / husbands parents. He's got 3. Where does the list of invitations end? Should I have invited their siblings too?

gettingolderandgrumpier · 20/03/2023 17:55

You’re joking ? there have been threads where people have been best friends and not invited to weddings on those occasions yes I’d be upset but not for my own parents .
my sil got married my parents weren’t invited and they known my family 20+ years .
weddings are expensive when you invite family /friends some people just won’t make the cut just because they go to events doesn’t make them friends and they aren’t their family .

pizzaHeart · 20/03/2023 17:56

I think the problem is that you see each other differently. I actually can’t imagine inviting such distant in laws to my wedding but you do. It looks like they agree with me.

Mammyloveswine · 20/03/2023 18:10

catinboooots · 20/03/2023 16:37

Who invites their in-laws in-laws to a 1 year olds birthday party?

I was thinking the same!!! Did they actually turn up?!

Op when I got married my husbands brothers wife's parents were due to collect my nephews for the evening do.

As it happened I had a few people drop out very last minute so did end up inviting them ri the full thing and they took the boys home as the evening do started.

However they were not on my guest list at all initially! It never even crossed my mind nor did it theirs! And if they weren't taking home their grandsons i wouldn't have even given them a second thought at all!

You are being a bit ridiculous op. The evening do is child-free so obviously your parents can't attend just the evening do!

We had to limit actual cousins at my wedding due to numbers!!

I hope you haven't actually said anything to your boyfriend or his family as you will come across very entitled!

Mammyloveswine · 20/03/2023 18:16

Just read the thread about your sister in law!! You definitely sound jealous! Presumably because sil is marrying before you?

Christ you sound like hard work.

notawittyname1954 · 20/03/2023 18:19

Weddings are expensive and numbers are often limited so I totally understand they would invite those really close and relatives first. You just can't have everyone at a wedding even if you would like to. Doesn't necessarily mean they don't like someone just that the logistics don't always allow. Your daughter will be in lots of pictures for your mum to see.

Mummaganoush · 20/03/2023 18:28

YABU and quite quite odd

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/03/2023 19:17

Tomkirkman · 20/03/2023 16:20

You expect the Grooms Brothers girlfriends parents to be invited to a wedding.

And are pissed off that they are not?

Yup. Batshit.

MyMumsOnMN · 20/03/2023 19:20

At first I read this as your parents and thought it would be awkward because that obviously means it's his parents too but it's not. It's your partners brother. And then I thought are you actually okay?

You are being very unreasonable.

TrashyPanda · 20/03/2023 19:26

That other thread!