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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I wouldn't send my child away for the summer

121 replies

PeachPiePrincess · 20/03/2023 12:56

The title is not quite nuanced enough. I'm wondering what others' opinions are on this

As a child (in the 80s) my parents sent me off in the summer holidays with my aunts to the seaside town they were all from. My parents stayed in the city to work and visited at weekends. (I had a great time I'm sure.) I was probably around 2½ the first summer and knew my aunts very well. I would have been in Creche all week otherwise and home with my parents in the evening.

As a parent now myself I wouldn't send my children away even though I can see that they might have a better time at the seaside . Would you?

For the voting
YABU - I'd send my children off with family members to the seaside
YANBU - I wouldn't send my children away without me

OP posts:
Haraebo · 20/03/2023 13:04

I think I would do what was in the best interest for my child, to be honest. Some kids would hate this, but others would see it as a holiday and would have great fun.

takealettermsjones · 20/03/2023 13:05

I wouldn't personally, but I don't think it's bad to do this. They had to arrange childcare somehow and obviously thought this would be better for you than holiday clubs, childminders etc. If you were safe and loved with your aunts, had a great time, and saw your parents at weekends then no harm done!

Bauhausstolemyhair · 20/03/2023 13:05

I feel it was certainly more common than before. Play schemes weren't as common then.

My mother didn't work but I was sent away for up to four weeks of the holidays. It was to 'give my mum a break'. They never sent my brother anywhere. Just me. I was sent away for three weeks at age 5 when he was born too.

For my own sanity, I've decided it was just an option and they thought it was 'nice'.

It sounds lovely your parents visited so it may have been due to their work and not thinking it was better than creche.

PuttingDownRoots · 20/03/2023 13:06

I have a feeling finance may pay a big part in this... full time childcare in school holidays can get very expensive.

I used to spend a couple of weeks at my grandparents in the 90s!

headingtosun · 20/03/2023 13:14

I went to my grandparents for a few weeks every summer, absolutely loved it.
DC have spent October break with grandma before and loved it.

So if it works I would do it but usually it wouldn't for practical reasons

Ostryga · 20/03/2023 13:18

We used to go to both sets of grandparents for 2-3 weeks at a time during summer holidays. Think it was very normal back then with less childcare options (late 80s early 90s)

strawberry2017 · 20/03/2023 13:25

Spent my summers in Devon with grandparents. Don't know what age it started but I loved it x

Whendovescry03 · 20/03/2023 13:28

I'm planning to do this for a few weeks in the summer, DS will have a much better time and get to spent time with his relatives. They don't live nearby and they all teach so are off at the same time. The only difference is we break it up, so he's not gone for more than one week at a time as I'd miss him too much.

The alternative is I make him watch TV for 8 hours a day while DH and I work and we basically ignore him. It's not fair. And holiday clubs are limited where I am, and the ones that do exist are only running for part of the day, at least a 30 min drive away and useless for working parents.

Mrsjayy · 20/03/2023 13:29

I was sent to 2 aunts during the summer and a week or so at home for an annual holiday. My parents worked my mum was a single parent for a while she didn't have child care so aunties it was! I don't think there is much wrong in children visiting relatives.

Mrsjayy · 20/03/2023 13:31

2 separate Aunts *

Lcb123 · 20/03/2023 13:32

Seems like you had a better arrangement than being in a creche all day! I would definitely consider this if child was keen and I knew they'd enjoy it.

Conkersinautumn · 20/03/2023 13:34

Sure lots of people look back and had some fun but more were left with anxiety and some abused because it was easy. Amusingly my parents who packed us off at every single chance look down on my friends life where she spent summer holidays with her dad and not her mum. Apparently her mum acted selfishly.

It was definitely financial for my parents. They resented having to entertain us in school holidays and being expected to do 'fun'things etc. Wouldn't pay for childcare either, I was a latch key kid from 7

Ruffpuff · 20/03/2023 13:35

Seaside or nursery? I sent my 4 year old to his grandparents’ smallholding (they live a few hours away) for half-term because we’ve both been working. I really don’t like having to do it, but I know he has loads of fun and attention, and gets to spend quality time with his grandparents who he doesn’t see all the time (who he adores). As a parent, I try to do what’s in my child’s best interest, even if it can be emotionally tiring for me.

FourTeaFallOut · 20/03/2023 13:36

Not at 2.5years I wouldn't. But being shipped out to the seaside to be looked after by caring family members has to be better than a lot of the options available to working parents over the long holidays.

TheBadLuckOfTeelaBrown · 20/03/2023 13:37

I would absolutely do this if my parents would have them and weren't a pair of nutters. My in-laws would have them but frankly I wouldn't wish it on anyone

BarrelOfOtters · 20/03/2023 13:38

This used to be incredibly common.

LuvSmallDogs · 20/03/2023 13:39

I've sent my eldest off for a week with my folks before, as DS2's autism makes holidays going away hard and they could squeeze one more in the caravan but not me + kids anyway. Never a whole Summer though.

Bunnycat101 · 20/03/2023 13:41

21/2 is much younger than I would do but I happily send my 6yo off for a week with grandparents to be spoiled over the holidays. It’s good to have a mix of camps, time with family etc.

TrombonesAreNotBones · 20/03/2023 13:48

You were not sent away to strangers, you had a holiday staying with your aunts. Your parents came for weekend breaks whilst you were there. I can't see the problem?

We did similar with our children, once or twice when gaps needed plugged - my sister lives at the coast, we wouldn't ever have considered sending them to PGL type camps with total strangers.

Horses for courses.

Hadleywood · 20/03/2023 13:50

DH used to spend summers with his grandparents and says that had a brilliant time touring the country. But he was probably much older than 2.5 years. We've spoken about our DDs visiting the PILs overseas during the summer holidays, but we had our DCs late in life and PILs are over 70 now, so I'd honestly worry about them keeping up with the DC.

So, if it all worked out with PIL's health, I'd consider it for DCs when older (e.g. 6+), for trips up to 3 weeks, not the whole summer. But we're not in a position to need the childcare, and have lots of fun during the summer in London and doing day trips, and can afford good day camps (which I'd prefer to staying with relatives so that DCs can learn different sport/arts skills). So I don't feel we need it as such.

ThreeGuineas · 20/03/2023 13:56

Norms differ across the generations. In the fairly recent past, it wasn't especially unusual for children to be brought up and live more or less full time with family members other than their parents -- it's still the case in some cultures. No, I wouldn't do it with my son, but I only had one by choice and I had him late, also by choice, in part so that I had the money, seniority and work flexibility in order to be able to enjoy his childhood. He has stayed with his grandparents in another country since toddlerhood for up to a week at a time.

TheChosenTwo · 20/03/2023 13:56

My mum used to send my brother and I to stay with relatives for the 6 week summer holidays, she worked 2 jobs and it was better for us not to be left all day every day and most evenings on our own.
It was kind of boring but in a good way, we didn’t have our friends nearby but they had a lovely garden and our cousin also came to stay so there was company, a lot of gaming, we used to make hammocks and dens in the garden. There were trips out to Pizza Hut and lots of park days and picnics. I did used to feel quite homesick and missed my mum but she visited some weekends and overall we had fun and importantly gave my mum one less thing to think about.
My grandparents were amazing really, taking on us 3 during holidays couldn’t have always been easy but they looked after us and spoiled us.
It’s not really something on the cards for us, in-laws live nearby and my mum still works,
plus I get a generous holiday allowance and wfh mostly but my dc aren’t small anymore. Dh is self employed and takes time off to cover some of the holidays too.
I’d love to send them off to a loving relative they were close to for a week knowing that I could have some down time in the evenings once I’d finished work etc but I’m actually just grateful that we can juggle it between us.

Snoken · 20/03/2023 14:00

I wasn't sent away but I sent my kids away, sort of. My usual pattern was out of the 6 weeks off I took the first week off and spent it with them at my parents house in Sweden, then I went back to the UK and worked for two weeks, then I joined them for week 4 and had a week off. They would spend 4 weeks in Sweden, two of those without me, the rest of the time we either went somewhere else or they did day camps locally.

The two weeks they spent on their own in Sweden was sort of my real holiday, even though I was working. It was lovely to be able to go out with colleagues and friends after work, sleep in all weekend, just eat whatever I wanted in front of the TV.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 20/03/2023 14:05

Two of mine went away for 3 1/2 weeks last summer. I joined them at weekends.

MIL took them to her caravan. At various points they were joined by cousins and extended family (MIL’s sister has the caravan next door).

They went swimming every day. The beach most days. The park every day. Multiple activities.

They loved it. They got a proper break from my youngest’s care needs dominating our home.

I hated it because I like my kids being around. But the benefit to them was far greater than the upset to me. It would have been utterly selfish of me not to send them tbh.

2bazookas · 20/03/2023 14:24

We spent every single school holiday year in year out, with an aunt. uncle and cousins, 150 miles away from home; during which we never saw our mother. She was a widow and working full time.

I adored my aunt and uncle but they did not live by the sea; it was a small very crowded house and they were nearly as broke as my mother.

Parents who care, do what they have to.