Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I wouldn't send my child away for the summer

121 replies

PeachPiePrincess · 20/03/2023 12:56

The title is not quite nuanced enough. I'm wondering what others' opinions are on this

As a child (in the 80s) my parents sent me off in the summer holidays with my aunts to the seaside town they were all from. My parents stayed in the city to work and visited at weekends. (I had a great time I'm sure.) I was probably around 2½ the first summer and knew my aunts very well. I would have been in Creche all week otherwise and home with my parents in the evening.

As a parent now myself I wouldn't send my children away even though I can see that they might have a better time at the seaside . Would you?

For the voting
YABU - I'd send my children off with family members to the seaside
YANBU - I wouldn't send my children away without me

OP posts:
namechange3394 · 20/03/2023 14:25

What would you rather they have done OP?

You say yourself you wouldn't send yours away "even though...they might have a better time at the seaside". Isn't that a bit selfish?

Would you honestly rather have been in childcare 5 days a week than at the seaside with your family?

cocksstrideintheevening · 20/03/2023 14:30

I went off to Ireland every summer for the whole holidays, it was brilliant. Mum and dad were working, my aunt and uncle were teachers so off all summer, I got to hang out with my cousins on the family farm and caravanning in Donegal. Did it until I was 17.

ThedaBara · 20/03/2023 14:35

Spent several summers with grandparents in the countryside. Dad travelled a lot for work, mum would come up on weekends (which we hated because she would bring bits of summer homework with her). Still some of my best memories of childhood. Ive 'sent' my DD away for a weekend a few times, and she has loved it. Each to their own

SunshineAndMonsteras · 20/03/2023 14:36

I loved my summer camps and weeks with GPs.
Very fond memories of that!❤

Also better than unemployment for the parents

Crochetpenguin · 20/03/2023 14:38

I spent most school holidays with my grandparents as my mum was working full time and on her own. They lived by the sea. Literally a 5 minute walk to the dunes. Early 80s so my brother and I spent the days exploring on our own. My Mum had no choice but we had the best summers that we'll never forget.

Shamsterdam · 20/03/2023 14:38

I would have loved that! I used to go to my grandparents a lot but sadly not at the seaside, they were some very long boring days. Occasionally I would have to go in to work with my mum during school holidays when GP weren't available. This would be late 80s so I'm guessing there was either no holiday club or if there was she couldn't afford it. I didn't love being at work with her but it was generally fine. However I'd have to be silent and perfectly behaved and just sat in her office all day reading or colouring.

Phos · 20/03/2023 14:38

Possibly not for the whole summer but we are trialling the idea of sending my daughter to stay with her aunt and same age cousin for a week or two and then reciprocating and having the cousin with us. They can have fun playing together and it helps us re childcare.

Original poster
PeachPiePrincess · 20/03/2023 19:55

Thank you for the comments.
I don't think it was a financial decision. I think it was because it's easier to not juggle childcare work. And my aunts were available in the summer. I don't really think it involved any level of self sacrifice from my parents, I'd say they were glad of the break!

I personally wouldn't send my children away until they were maybe 7 or 8 but I do appreciate the fact that the beach setting is nicer than childcare. Though I did love my Creche, it was very relaxed and homely!

OP posts:
BabyCarolina · 20/03/2023 21:04

I did last summer for 3 weeks and then joined them for last 2. 5 hour plane ride away. With grandmother. Lots of family close by. Swimming pool, beach and sun.

I'd like to say it was wonderful but they were homesick at night so it won't be repeated for a few years. But when they're a bit older, definitely.

It was that or summer camp 4 days a week .

CheckSock · 20/03/2023 21:09

If I could send them to a loving aunt at the seaside to care for them in the week, when I'm working most of their waking hours and stay with them in a "holiday" environment every weekend, in preference to paid childcare, yes I probably would.

All that family money saved, a much less stressful family life and quality time together, plus an opportunity to make a close relationship with another adult- it takes a village..

AffIt · 20/03/2023 21:11

I dunno, I found it very normal: my father was a Naval officer and my mother ran her own business, so summer hols were frequently a couple of weeks with grandparents, a week with a widowed aunt by the the seaside, another week with grand-cousins who were farmers, a few days with immediate aunts / uncles / cousins.

All this from the age of about three or four, I think.

I loved it, but I suppose I'm privileged to have come from a good family (no abuse etc) and was quite an outgoing and adventurous child who enjoyed being away. I also think it contributed to me being a very adventurous and independent adult now in my early 40s.

SeulementUneFois · 20/03/2023 21:12

Polish colleague here in the British isles sent her 8 yo back home to granny for the summer.

I myself (different country) and my Russian friend spent several years (starting 3-4 yo) , then just summers, with grannies down the country side while my parents/her mother were doing their junior doctor rotation and moving around the country.

It's different depending on the culture, it's much more normal in some countries.

AffIt · 20/03/2023 21:17

I forgot to add that the time I spent with my widowed aunt (who I suppose we would now describe as 'childless not by choice') was AMAZING: I had the time of my life every summer, pampered like a tiny princess (she would bring me breakfast in bed before we rode on the beach) and allowed to run riot in her beautiful house by the sea.

I would imagine my mother was considerably less fond of my Tzarina-esque behaviour when I came home, though. 😄

WandaWonder · 20/03/2023 21:19

I was flown to relatives from when I was 5, I loved it

So up to the child really

owiz · 20/03/2023 21:20

Mine go to grandparents for 2-3 weeks in the summer, we live away from them so it's a great opportunity for them all to spend time together. It's loved all round; kids love it, grandparents love to spoil them (they always have plans every day!) and DH and I quite enjoy the break too! (And rely on it for childcare as we both work full time) Also takes the pressure off the rest of the holidays for us as they are so busy for this section.

If the kids ever made noises about not wanting to go then obviously we'd stop it, but eldest is high school age now and as excited for summer as ever.

Not sure why anyone could see any of that as a bad thing really.

SunshineAndMonsteras · 20/03/2023 21:21

You know, when you say "send away" it sounds bit mean and permanent.
We weren't sent away, we went to spend time with grandparents. Or have fun in summer camp. (Non british). Many if not most my peers had that.

Chocolatetadpole · 20/03/2023 21:24

I used to spend summer holidays and Easters with my grandparents about 400 miles away, my husband was horrified when I told him but I genuinely have so many amazing memories. Selfishly I don't think I'd want to be away from my own children for any length of time, although I can understand why my parents did with us (no childcare, lack of things to do in our area during holidays and promoting our relationship with that side of the family).

Heronwatcher · 20/03/2023 21:26

If I trusted the relative, they were happy with it and the kids weren’t miserable I’d definitely do it for a few weeks- then take the kids away or spend time with them at home. Tbh if my brother and their cousins lived by the sea my kids would utterly love this for a few weeks, they would 100% prefer it to a kids club. My brother on the other hand would be in a sanitarium by late August…

Fundays12 · 20/03/2023 21:28

Childcare was really limited in the 80s so it was probably the best option they had. I wouldn't be comfortable with my kids away that long but I think I would prefer it to them in nursery 8-6 Mon to Fri and us exhausted at the weekend playing catch up. At least they are getting spoilt by loving family and making great memories.

Ohjustboreoff · 20/03/2023 21:32

I'm a 70's baby and I remember being shipped of to my DGP for the whole summer holiday. It was to a grotty mining village in Wales but I had the best times. I loved my time with my DGP.
Sadly my own DP have made it perfectly clear they have no intention of having my DC's more than 1 night in a row. I accept this but feel so sad they won't have the same relationship with their DGC that I had with my DGP.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 20/03/2023 21:33

PeachPiePrincess · 20/03/2023 19:55

Thank you for the comments.
I don't think it was a financial decision. I think it was because it's easier to not juggle childcare work. And my aunts were available in the summer. I don't really think it involved any level of self sacrifice from my parents, I'd say they were glad of the break!

I personally wouldn't send my children away until they were maybe 7 or 8 but I do appreciate the fact that the beach setting is nicer than childcare. Though I did love my Creche, it was very relaxed and homely!

“Send my children away” is such a deliberately emotive phrase.

CheeseMcKnees · 20/03/2023 21:34

I used to be sent to my late Aunt’s or my Grandmother’s and I loved it, my sibling had SN so it was nice to be an only child for a short term.

TrishTrix · 20/03/2023 21:37

My Mother was a SAHM. My aunt was a single parent. My grandparents still worked.

my cousins came to us for two weeks every summer holiday. Their Mum came at the weekend.

My mother got a lot wrong but she always got a good balance in the holidays between activities (stately homes!!), chilling out and chores. And she enjoyed spending time with us all.

TrishTrix · 20/03/2023 21:37

This was early 80s. Divorce was still a bit scandalous.

Mammyloveswine · 20/03/2023 21:54

Wondering where I find relatives happy to take my kids for more than the odd afternoon...