Bored with close female friends

[Vijia]

We are a small group of 60 year olds and I have to confess that I am feeling guilty for not wanting to hang out with them as much as I used to. I feel awful about it enough. Please can I have your honest opinion?
Ok, so, I used to have a lot of time for dog walks and hearing my friends out about their problems at work and be very good at listening. I wasn't working at the time SAHM until my youngest went to university.

My friends would say I needed to slow down and stop hanging out with my adult DC, doing things like biking and surfing with them.

They would comment about my weight and fitness but not in a good way.

Lately they have been saying they are tired a lot and can't walk as much as they used to as they are slowing down, being the natural part of growing older.

My adult DC have come back to live at home after finding the London rent too much and often invite me out on really fun camping trips, wild swimming, climbing, mountain biking, surfing etc.

I am getting fitter and absolutely love it that they invite me and have so much fun.

I have also started working full time so I enjoy spending weekends actively after a week in the office.

I have found that I don't want to spend my precious downtime with people who bring me down and niggle at me and I avoid saying what I am doing at the weekend now and it is easier just not to touch base with them anymore because I don't want to bore them with what I am getting up to.

They prefer pottering in the garden in the summer and watching TV and eating loads, they are all overweight and have niggly knees and backs because of it.

I don't feel I have anything in common with them anymore but I would love to meet other like minded people my age but do they exist?!

I have forged great relationships with my DC through these activities and no one talks about age.

Am I being unreasonable to have dropped these good people and will I regret it in the long term?

Mum doesn't have dementia, hopefully that won't happen. I am sorry for your MIL.

re Mirabai knowing lots of fit and healthy 84 year olds, it's probably just luck, or more likely, a completely different idea of what constitutes a good quality of life.

I don’t think it is just luck - it’s also about lifestyle choices. If you look at countries with good longevity internationally, it’s a societal trend as much as individual one.

From what I have said, what makes you think I have a different idea of constitutes good quality of life?

Goodness, who said anything about evangelising about fitness to others?!

I have never hectored or lectured them?

My posts have been consistently about them hectoring me.

Strange how some posters have changed the narrative?

Love the suggestions about Her Wild etc, I hope to join!

A poster asked how it is that my adult DC ask for me to join them, probably because I am a fun mum and their friends say they wish they had a mum like me haha 🤣😂

Oh lord...

Let them go move on celebrate the new you ❤️

Of course they do. My children's friends want a mum like me. Meanwhile my children no doubt want a mum who cooks a nice Sunday roast and is happy to stay in and babysit the grandchildren on a Saturday night. But they make do.🙂

Good god, that comment is almost like saying, look at me, how young and cool i am :) Self praise is no praise. When i heard people saying things like that i cringe.

What a snidey, shitty post - do your friends a favour and windsurf off into the sunset.

I am also quite fun honest. I am out and about but my YA DC appear to be out and about with their friends. I hope they will return when older.

Who says I don't bake too?!

Seriously though, this thread is winding some posters up which isn't good for their blood pressure so I will trot off ( or windsurf off) and recommend MHQ delete the thread before it causes serious damage.

Thank you for the great suggestions and apologies to the ones I have offended.

We are getting together this weekend so I might show them this thread ( if it hasn't been taken down).

Well, both my parents looked after their health but old age looks grim frim where I'm standing.

I think our ideas are different, that's all. I'm not going to go into a list of mum's ailments as that seems unfair to her. We have certainly had doctors say she's doing well for her age, which is even scarier.

Have you read your own posts?

Why would your thread be deleted? What an odd comment 🤔.

You do sound a bit, ... like your heads been turned. Hanging out with the young things n everything.

I am an ultra runner in my late 50's but somehow manage to run with equally aged runners, also have lots of friends who aren't in the least bit interested in running who I barely mention it to. Yup lots of friends I've had for 20 plus years who are only interested in cakes and their gardens and I love them every bit as much. It is quite possible to have a wide breadth of friendships and cherish all of them

You're seriously thinking of showing your old friends this thread?? I must have that wrong ....way to end any friendship in an instant

Rather than getting into scraps with posters who are scarily easily poster baited (when a clearly tongue in cheek comment followed by a laughing emoji is taken seriously, either unintentionally or deliberately) , I think the issue here is that I have unfairly blamed loyal friends for being boring when as one said last night, after phoning that they were worried that they hadn't heard from me for a while, it is only because they are worried I may get injured.

So, I am not going to abandon anyone.

I just need to make new friends with like minded people too.

If you have loyal friends who phone you after you have gone silent, you are exceptionally lucky in this day and age. I would cling to them for dear life. And join some active groups as well.

Yes, you are right. I am guilty of being horribly complacent about having loyal friends and guilty of completely taking them for granted.

Thanks MN for giving my head a wobble. I am ashamed of myself tbf

Yes, I think there's some truth in that. My parents who were blue collar workers died at 72 & 74 respectively whereas my exh's parents who were wealthy and retired at 50 are still alive and leading rewarding lives in their mid/late 80s

Dementia is also very much more of a concern in the west, it's not necessarily a natural progression in old age, it's connected to lifestyle choices and eating habits.

You can significantly reduce your chances of getting dementia if you have a plant based diet, learn new things every day, avoid processed meats and treats, have good night's sleep, practice fasting and doing plenty of vigorous exercise.