Preferred pronoun labels at childrens event

[StopitSarah]

I took my primary age children to a science event this weekend. It’s run by university students. Almost all of them had their preferred pronouns on their name labels.

AIBU to feel that was unnecessary and to feel a bit uneasy? One of my children wanted to know why “the man is saying we should say he/him. Isn’t that obvious?”

I asked one of the students who said it was to show support to any trans helpers and was for the benefit of the (adult) students, not the children.

I’m SO BORED and irritated by the trans agenda being every-bloody-where.

But AIBU? I had a good chat with one of the students and he said that they’re all science students and understand that woman = biological female is too simplistic. My brain exploded.

@MaggieMagpie357 unkindness and bullying is never ok. I’m sorry your daughter is going through that. Pretending she can be a man is not going to make her a man though. Telling her she isn’t weird/strange/wrong and is great as she is is the message I’d give. And I’d expect total support from school and medical professionals too.

I know loads of “weird” kids who own their weirdness and all power to them. Most kids are “weird” in one way or another. I don’t see “weird” as a bad thing. The kid who only wears red, cool. The kid who is teaching himself Dutch for fun, great. The kid who doesn’t like to speak to strangers, fine by me. All “weird”, all perfect just as they are.

Because it’s the name their parents chose, Because it might be a kind thing to do. Because they might be bothered if someone gets it wrong. Personally, I’m not that bothered! Seems far less of a faff and less presumptuous than putting pronouns all over everything.

Because it is a "big deal" if you're constantly referred to as he or mistaken for a bloke every now and again!
It makes you feel like shit.
Not that I expect those saying "fuck kind" or "hurty feelz" on these threads to ever understand.

The same way it would cause no danger if they were housed in isolation in a male prison🤷🏾‍♀️

@justteanbiscuits “because of the way he was brought up”? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Ok.

No I don't have experience of being trans or having a 'trans child' I do have an autistic daughter who does not conform with gender stereotypes who has been ask several times about whether she considers herself to be a girl, including by health professionals. She is a girl who enjoys stereotypically male things. Despite others encouraging her (I will go so far as to say) to adopt a trans or non binary identity she hasn't because we have told her it is a load of tosh. It is not possible to change sex. It is possible to be a girl and have unlimited expectations.

So sorry I do think we can lead children down a path of believing that if they do not fit societal expectations of what a girl or a boy is that they must be trans.

If a child is anorexic we do not affirm their body image as that would harm them. This is no different.

The Cass report says that affirmation is not a neutral act.

Anyone who thinks that affirming mental health conditions is in the interests of the child is going against the findings of the Cass Report.

It is NOT KIND to children. Any of them. Least of all the female ones.

I really don’t understand what your issue is. Just wear a badge if you want to wear one. Don’t compel everyone else to do so though.

Though I’m interested how you cope out in public if this happens regularly and it’s this upsetting. I assume you don’t wear a pronoun badge to the supermarket, the shopping centre loos, the local car sales room, etc?

So what? No one is entitled to a life where they never feel shit, who promised you that?

Because it is a "big deal" if you're constantly referred to as he or mistaken for a bloke every now and again!
It makes you feel like shit.

but in this scenario you are a man. So what’s the issue?

Just wear a badge if you want to wear one. Don’t compel everyone else to do so though
Nowhere do we know that they were "forced" or "compelled" to wear one though.

melj123 - Well if it bothers you that much you have a choice, either use your full name but write your short name underneath, write female underneath the short name, or correct adults/children when they think you're the opposite sex.

Because it is a "big deal" if you're constantly referred to as he or mistaken for a bloke every now and again!

I don't think this would actually have been a thing a couple of decades ago. It's precisely because of all the pronoun stuff that people probably feel compelled to refer to a more masculine-looking woman as "he". It's not that they can't see it's a woman, it's because they believe they'll be being impolite or committing an act of bigotry if they do not.

The OP asked a student and they were told they had to. The ones not wearing it didn’t get the memo in time. OP has said they were compelled to.

Still curious what you do when you are constantly being misgendered elsewhere in public though?

What, I'm a man if I dont dress femininely enough?
No.
Fuck that

Pronouns badges and email signatures are totally self-congratulatory tokenism. They're not even as trans-supportive as you think they are. How do you know that "announce your pronouns" isn't pressurising a trans person to out themselves before they're ready or certain? Or forcing them to misgender themselves because they're not ready to live as a trans person yet?

Yes. He has been bought up around LGBTQ+ people. He's been bought up around discussions like this. So due to this, it isn't something completely new and other worldy to him. But you know, your mockery is really classy

Completely agree. I'm sure there was an article about how it impacts females negatively who have a gender neutral name, such as 'Chris'. They were treated differently as soon as they put she/her in their email signature as part of an experiment. If anyone could like it that would be appreciated.

*link

I think you finally understand! You're not womanly enough to be called a woman. Damn you and doing sports and supporting young people to keep fit and healthy. You should she promenading in your new dainty sun dress and showing that cleavage. I bet you weren't even wearing make up were you. See, you were asking for it...

You have explained this so well here. I couldn't agree more.

Incidentally, a woman who I studied with was very androgynous in her appearance - short hair, very masculine clothes choices (waistcoats and bow ties on occasion) and strode around like Suranne Jones in Gentleman Jack. She was also a woman. She never once expressed a desire to be known as anything else and she was obviously, physically female. No one would ever have mistaken her for a man.

And as far as I know (2 years or so since I last saw her), she still is a woman who prefers this style of dress etc. It's a great pity that if my daughters decide they want to have short hair and wear waistcoats, they'll probably be assumed to have gender identity issues.

I do not care what anyone wears and have plenty of friends who are fairly gender non-conforming.

However I am not keen on this ideology around kids either. I think it is regressive and harmful. My DD (8) likes dolls but also likes sports. Two of her female friends are quite gender non-conforming and love footie (tomboys, in old language).

I don't want DD and her friends thinking this means they are not actually girls. That DD must be non-binary, and her friends must be trans and need drugs and surgery. Just for not conforming to feminine stereotypes. I'm usually up for explaining most things to my kids (in an age-appropriate way), but I've no idea how to explain non-binary as I think it is so ridiculous.

My work have suggested that we should state our pronouns to show customers we are inclusive - 'hi, I'm PinkSparkly, my pronouns are she/her'. At the moment it's voluntary but I can see where it's heading.

Telling everyone is even more ridiculous than having them on a badge or signature!

This!

DisappearingGirl - Exactly. I was brought up in the 60s/70s and was a tomboy. Loved playing football, climbing trees, preferred wearing trousers and shorts to skirts and dresses. Also liked dolls. No one back then would ever have questioned whether I wanted to really be a boy, which obviously I didn't, but I can imagine the confusion when children are so impressionable and someone puts an idea into their head. Children should not be having to deal with this kind of thing.