To be so annoyed at DH. Not Mother’s Day related

[UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter]

So yesterday my ds took me out for brunch. While we’re out dh said that he was hungry and wanted to get a kebab. This was a few hours later and we had been drinking. Ds’s are both adults.
dd was at home alone and so we decided we should go back and get something to eat with her. Dh still saying he was paying at this point.
get home and decide to Deliveroo burgers. I didn’t get anything as wasn’t hungry. The Deliveroo account is on my phone so dh said order it and he would pay me back.
just looked at my account and he hasn’t transferred the cash so asked him and he said he didn’t have any money to pay me back with!

am I being unreasonable to be cross? If he had said he didn’t have any money I would have made them food as we had plenty on the house. Food shop arrived yesterday morning.

we have money for bills etc but often money is tight for treats and we’ve had a couple of birthdays this month. I’ve now got to cancel getting my eyebrows done as I now don’t have the cash to do that. He doesn’t get the issue.

Yes, it’s an issue. But he got his way, so win win for him.

Who paid for you to go drinking?

I cant pass fair comment as I cant understand separate finances when married.

Is he often a CF with money? I'd be feeling a bit tricked into getting him a takeaway

If you're that tight for money I wouldn't have got any take away? Don't you and he have an idea how much the other has left at any given point?

Don't you share costs?

Adult ds paid and we did buy a round each in the bar after the brunch.
we do have shared finances except for ‘pocket money’ we each get a set amount a week but dh always seem to manage to save a fair amount from his and mine gets swallowed up on costs for dd. Things that dh would have said no to such as going to the cinema with friends.
she is trying to get a job but not had much luck yet. She’s first year in sixth form and desperate for a job but only had one interview from the hundreds of jobs she’s applied for.
I brought the burgers for them expecting to get the money back or at least dh’s share.
I get paid next week and do my pot will reset and no birthdays or big occasions this month so will be ok for money again.
its the principle really as he will often do this. Take me out for breakfast and then just sit there when the bill comes, even a coffee I end up paying.
if we allocate more pocket money means he gets to save more and then we have less for holidays and Christmas etc.

I appreciate you’re annoyed but I don’t think your current budget is working if your pocket money is being spent on DD. Surely that comes out of joint family money?

No wonder he manages to save if he lets you bloody pay for everything.

I would be furious and would be making sure he paid me back with interest when he's next paid.

Why is eating out/coffee put etc in your shared budget?!

Yet another bloody horrible man. What kind of person behaves like this?

Why aren't dd costs a shared cost?

A lot of dd costs are shared eg hockey and netball fees plus any clothes relating to school and need. It’s the extras. He’s being unfair as he says she needs a job which we both agree on and so does dd but she is really trying. Even had a friend who works in recruitment look over her cv and covering letters but she’s not even getting interviews let alone the job.
if she wasn’t trying to get a job then I wouldn’t be giving her money for extras

we just agreed that we would have budgets for personal and social spending and that’s how it’s been. The issue maybe is that I’m more sociable and like going out with my friends and buying make up and getting my nails done etc whereas he would rather stay at home watching sport on tv.

I guess last night was just another one do those occasions that leave me secretly seething and cause resentment. We do have a good combined salary. I earn more as i work two jobs (one full time and one part time) but I have always seen my salary as household salary. I don’t resent spending money on other people but he does.

I cannot imagine a universe in which DH and I would quibble over who pays for a takeaway. I don’t know why some people even get married!

I get it. I really do and I don’t want to be that person. It’s just when he will see me without any spare cash when he knowingly has hundreds in his account.

If he has hundreds in his account why isn't he paying you back?! Bloody demand he does. What an arsehole.

Just tell him to take the money out of the savings and transfer it to you. Why should you go without?

in future tell him to transfer the money before ordering takeaway

What a nasty piece of work. Why the hell should he get to save whilst you spend all your money on dd or in his burgers?! Unbelievable!

You need a divorce.

Take it out of his "pocket money" next month.

Selfish prick.

Either it comes out of his savings,, out of next month's pocket money or you transfer it out of the joint account. There's no need to cancel your eyebrows

Your DH does have the money, he just prefers to spend yours.

If he manages to save plenty….he has savings. So needs to get it from there and send it back to you.

Me and Dp aren’t married and have separate finances, I can’t imagine us squabbling over this unless one of us consistently do this to the other.

Why are you “secretly” seething?!

you have a real communication problem here. Expectations around money should be understood and agreed all round. It’s not his and your savings it’s a family collective. That he thinks it’s ok to do this and you just put up with it instead of confronting him says it all.

So he does have money to pay you back - why is he claiming he doesn’t?

Exactly my thoughts