AIBU?
To be so annoyed at DH. Not Mother’s Day related
UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 19/03/2023 12:42
So yesterday my ds took me out for brunch. While we’re out dh said that he was hungry and wanted to get a kebab. This was a few hours later and we had been drinking. Ds’s are both adults.
dd was at home alone and so we decided we should go back and get something to eat with her. Dh still saying he was paying at this point.
get home and decide to Deliveroo burgers. I didn’t get anything as wasn’t hungry. The Deliveroo account is on my phone so dh said order it and he would pay me back.
just looked at my account and he hasn’t transferred the cash so asked him and he said he didn’t have any money to pay me back with!
am I being unreasonable to be cross? If he had said he didn’t have any money I would have made them food as we had plenty on the house. Food shop arrived yesterday morning.
we have money for bills etc but often money is tight for treats and we’ve had a couple of birthdays this month. I’ve now got to cancel getting my eyebrows done as I now don’t have the cash to do that. He doesn’t get the issue.
Am I being unreasonable?
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FinallyHere · 19/03/2023 14:58
its the principle really as he will often do this. Take me out for breakfast and then just sit there when the bill comes, even a coffee I end up paying.
It's not very pleasant, but I'm afraid this situation is so grossly h fair that I would suspect he is doing it on purpose.
Next time he offers to pay, tell him to transfer in BC advance before you place the order. Then, if he won't, just don't spend that money.
The way it works at the moment, he is spending your budget for treats.
Don't let him do that. Secretly seething doesn't work. Try using your words, before you commit to the spending. For all we know, he thinks you want to pay for these things.
Don't let him do that. See... I'm saying it again.
GrumpyPanda · 19/03/2023 15:05
Alternatively, if you're the bigger earner, you could always go nuclear and cancel the existing arrangement. Transfer your share of joint bills, hang on to the rest rather than this "equal pocket money" rigmarole.
And of course, next time you go out together, don't dip into your pocket under any circumstances.
coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 19/03/2023 15:28
UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 19/03/2023 14:02
I get it. I really do and I don’t want to be that person. It’s just when he will see me without any spare cash when he knowingly has hundreds in his account.
Mortimercat · 19/03/2023 13:52
I cannot imagine a universe in which DH and I would quibble over who pays for a takeaway. I don’t know why some people even get married!
So, if he has hundreds in his account, why can't he pay you back?
TooMuchCoffeee · 19/03/2023 15:42
he said he didn’t have any money to pay me back with!
That's what you said in your OP but your updates say otherwise. So he has money, he just tricked you into spending yours.
You need to get him to pay for your eyebrows in lieu of the takeaway, as otherwise you've missed out. You didn't even get any of the takeaway!
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/03/2023 15:55
The miserly so and so.
Another way he's conning you is by saying No to everything DD wants to do, which means Mum has to cough up or see her disappointed or listen to him bleating that she needs to get a job.. which distracts from the initial question.
But that's not fair.
She's in Sixth form and she's trying to get a job but she also needs to get the best grades she can. Saturday only jobs are rarer... its part time or nothing where we are.. and they all want "experience", retail jobs are diminishing, which makes it really hard. Has she ever had regular pocket money from him?
He can't even let her go to the cinema? And so all those costs are down to you? That is not equal parenting at all.
She needs to be going out in sixth form and developing her independent social skills because in less than a year she will be doing her exams and thinking about the next steps, and that means having a bit of confidence, which comes from being able to take advantage of the opportunities to socialise and help make the transition from school pupil to school leaver.
You need to pull him up on this and quick.
MarieRoseMarie · 19/03/2023 16:09
Do you live in Antarctica? If not, your DD is playing you. There are literally HUNDREDS of help wanted signs in every shop and restaurant in the entire UK. Tell her to go with her CV to every local shop, she’ll have a job next week. It’s literally impossible not to get a retail job ri
MyMumIsOnMN · 19/03/2023 16:21
I have never understood why married couples who live together and have children together have separate money. Do you each buy your own toilet paper? Do you each have a separate electric or water meter? Do you keep track of who has driven how many miles in the car to calculate petrol and road tax responsibilities? If you shared money, after all I assume you share a bed, then this situation would never have happened and you’d be doing something far more interesting now than stressing about paying for a fucking takeaway burger!
BashfulClam · 19/03/2023 16:29
MyMumIsOnMN · 19/03/2023 16:21
I have never understood why married couples who live together and have children together have separate money. Do you each buy your own toilet paper? Do you each have a separate electric or water meter? Do you keep track of who has driven how many miles in the car to calculate petrol and road tax responsibilities? If you shared money, after all I assume you share a bed, then this situation would never have happened and you’d be doing something far more interesting now than stressing about paying for a fucking takeaway burger!
We have a joint account for bills, shopping, the car (food and toilet roll) etc but we have separate ‘pocket money’ I buy make up get my hair and nails gone from my money. DH spends his on hobbies. It works for us, so because you don’t see it just shows you have a short sighted attitude about how other people work out their money.
BashfulClam · 19/03/2023 16:31
MarieRoseMarie · 19/03/2023 16:09
Do you live in Antarctica? If not, your DD is playing you. There are literally HUNDREDS of help wanted signs in every shop and restaurant in the entire UK. Tell her to go with her CV to every local shop, she’ll have a job next week. It’s literally impossible not to get a retail job ri
You can’t go in with a cv anymore, you have to apply online in most cases.
GlassBunion · 19/03/2023 16:34
I cant understand why he's got loads saved up but now you've had to cancel your eyebrow treatment.
Tell him to pay for your eyebrows. Tell him to transfer the money to you.
Going forward, I think that you both need to sit down and discuss your financial position as a couple.
MarieRoseMarie · 19/03/2023 16:48
BashfulClam · 19/03/2023 16:31
You can’t go in with a cv anymore, you have to apply online in most cases.
MarieRoseMarie · 19/03/2023 16:09
Do you live in Antarctica? If not, your DD is playing you. There are literally HUNDREDS of help wanted signs in every shop and restaurant in the entire UK. Tell her to go with her CV to every local shop, she’ll have a job next week. It’s literally impossible not to get a retail job ri
Completely false. They will literally sit with teenagers and go through the online application in the large retail store there and then. I know because I was waiting in line at Deichman and the manager with talking to potential hires!!
And restaurants and bars will often only hire people who come in person. They’ll arrange a trial or training and tell you to go fill in the application when you get home.
Theunamedcat · 19/03/2023 16:56
MarieRoseMarie · 19/03/2023 16:09
Do you live in Antarctica? If not, your DD is playing you. There are literally HUNDREDS of help wanted signs in every shop and restaurant in the entire UK. Tell her to go with her CV to every local shop, she’ll have a job next week. It’s literally impossible not to get a retail job ri
What shops? I live in a town where we have charity shops (don't pay) a couple of bargain shops (over 18s no weekend only) and betting shops yes we have a tescos but they don't want weekend only staff evening and weekend maybe but just weekends? No
Care is the only job you can walk into in my town
Veryxonfused · 19/03/2023 17:02
You need to have another look at the way you budget so that all shared expenses and all of your daughter expenses come out of the shared account & personal money is JUST for treats eg lashes as you say, makeup, hobbies etc - no takeaways, no gifts and definitely nothing for your daughter to come out of this
Rosula · 19/03/2023 17:06
its the principle really as he will often do this. Take me out for breakfast and then just sit there when the bill comes, even a coffee I end up paying.
Why do you end up paying? Why don't you just say "Oy, your turn?"
Nag him to repay the Deliveroo thing the moment he next gets paid.
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