To ask this about 55+ year olds?

[Luciasa]

In your opinion, do you think it's unusual for people aged 55 and over to have both their parents -

• alive and living independently?

Really depends how old your parents were when you were born. Don't forget that 40-50 years ago having babies in your 20s was usual, whereas it's 30s now

I should have added that the women in our family live well into their 80's. We haven't needed care. My Mum's both parents were still alive at that age, but she didn't have me until 40.

I am 62 and both my parents are still alive at 87 and living independently. Dad's a bit frailer than Mum and keeps tripping up (only because he thinks he's still 25 and doesn't need to look where he's going). He has quite a bit of moderate joint pain too but still manages to dig his veg plot and go up a ladder to fix something. Mum spends hours in her garden and goes for a good long brisk walk every day. They still do all their own shopping, cleaning etc, grandsons go and fix anything heavy. My two sisters live in the same village and I am in the next one so we see them all the time. No stairlift yet but they say they will have one if needed.
My DH's parents both died 10+ years ago in their 70's.

I'm 54. I have both my parents, dad is 80, mum is 78. They've got three cruises booked this year and are both living life to the full.

I'd say 80% of my friends have both parents some with illness.Some of them have one parent but the majority died along time ago.

When my parents were 55 (now both 60) both still had their parents.

My mum's parents both died when she was 58, thanks to COVID.

My dad's parents are doing well in their 80s, they still go on holidays to Europe 2-3 times a year.

However, my dad's mum had him when she was 19. My mum's mum was 32 when she had her.

No, it's not really normal, as a few posters have said. Most people 55 or over would have parents late 70s or older. And they have either lost their parents already, or their parents are in care homes or early stages (or later stages) of dementia. Or they are physically disabled, and unable to do some basic everyday tasks themselves, and/or they can't drive etc, and/or they have carers in several times a day.

I think for every person in their late 70s/early 80s and older who is living independently, driving themselves about, and living alone and doing everything for themselves, there is probably another six or seven dependent on their middle-aged adult children and carers and neighbours to help them with stuff. This is purely anecdata before anyone goes off on one. Based on people I know.

The vast majority of women I know over 75, have never been able to drive, and even though many men can (in that age group,) they are unable to do other things on their own (life admin/housework/cooking/laundry etc.)

I know a few couples in their late 70s or older, who are fairly independent, but not many. Most people I know past late 70s are widowed.

You often get people popping up on threads like this with their stories of how they know dozens of people in their 50s and 60s who have parents in their 80s and 90s who run marathons, backpack around Thailand for weeks on end, still work, jog 7 miles to work and 7 miles back, and take their dogs for 5 mile walks every day, and are in awe at how they can run rings around women half their age.

In real life, most people late 70s or older will not be in great health, and will be dependent on others for many things. Sure, a few will be independent, but it will be just a few.

I'm over 55 a s lost my dad 5 years ago. Just my mum now

Not that unusual no?

DM is 60 and both her parents are still very much going strong - GF is 93, GM is 80.

DF is 65 and his dad is still very independent at 90.

I started a thread a few weeks ago on who knew their great grandparents, and many people did!

I don't think two parents alive and independent when you are 55 is unusual, no. Maybe not the majority, but not a small minority either

3 years ago I got together with a group of old Uni friends. There were 7 of us and we were all around 56. None of our fathers were alive but all but one still had our Mums. Today only 2 of the mothers are still alive.

I'm 57 this year and both parents still alive and living independently. They don't even have any serious health issues.

I’m not sure lots of us have parents in mid 70s, that implies that it was common in mid to late 1960s to have children in teens or when twenty. It wasn’t . If you look at stats, average age of first time mums after WW2 was 26, it stayed at mid twenties and then fell rapidly during baby boom years to 22 and then started to increase again rapidly

so, very few people over 55 will have parents in their mid 70s, late 70s and early 80s yes.

Most of my friends (couples) have lost at least one of their four parents by that age.

Not too uncommon, but becoming less likely as women dont start families until later
at one point we had 5 generations all living at the same time as my nan got to 101.

Both my parents did. 3 of my grandparents died quite closely together when my parents were in their early 60s. My mum is 67 and her dad is still alive and in his early 90s. He lives in a retirement flat and is a bit wobbly in his feet but is mentally totally with it.

I was 49 and 52 when I lost my parents. DH is 62 and his DF died 3 years ago. His DM is still living independently at 95.

I’m 60 and am a member of U3A . I’m pretty young in comparison to many
what I see is a lot of people in their late 70s and 80s that are still very sharp mentally, have good social lives, still have zest for life, but are increasingly beset with physical issues including muscular skeletal issues, nerve damage, eye issues, etc. whilst these issue don’t stop them completely for attending, most will be away for weeks at a time with cataracts, hip/knee replacements etc. I also hear regularly of people with cancer and undergoing treatment - a lot of that is successful and they do return to their sessions.

U3A attracts many people who find themselves alone post retirement. Some of that is through divorce (I divorced in late 50s after 30 years of marriage and it’s not uncommon) or through death of spouse. There are a lot of widows, but less widowers.

so I’d say, based on fact the people I mix with are ones that can get out still, that being without any physically issues at all past mid 70s is unusual . Not exceptional, but unusual. Even the really fit 70 year olds I know have to watch their backs, or be careful of this or that issue.

That's absolutely brilliant !

I know few people my age (late 40s) with both parents still living. The ones who do (I’m thinking wider to old school friends here) their parents had them in their late teens/early twenties.

My friends whose parents had them late 30s all have or had significant caring responsibilities for a parent. So someone in their late 40s, with young teenage children, caring for a widowed parent with dementia who is coming up to 90.

Like many of my friends I had children much later than my parents’ generation - mid 30s, in fact DH was 40 when DC2 was born. It doesn’t bode well for our children’s generation.

I'm 64 and both my parents are still here. Both mid eighties now. Working class for all of us.

At 55 my parents were 85 and 86, living independently, still going on cruises, Warner breaks, driving, eating out, playing golf.

Roll on 10 years, dad has died (at 90) and mum has Alzheimer’s and has been in a care home for 5 years.

We saw a tremendous deterioration from late 80s onwards - so from when I was coming up to 60.

I’m 61. DH is 72. Neither of us have any surviving parents. My father died 45 years ago, Mum 5 years ago aged 93. She hadn’t been living independently for about 8 years prior to that.

Mine both were when I was 55 and in fairly good health, they were both dead by the time I was 65 though

You never know - the oldest person I knew living independently was still living independently at 100, driving at 99. I last saw him living alone and independently at 100, he died at 102. So maybe your own kids will be 60-ish before they have to think of parental care! At the same time though, I know what you're saying

I'm 53. Have an 11 year old. Lost my dad 6 years ago. My mother in law died unexpectedly in covid at 80.

Most of my friends have both parents still however and they are are fit and active and living in their own homes.