To ask this about 55+ year olds?

[Luciasa]

In your opinion, do you think it's unusual for people aged 55 and over to have both their parents -

• alive and living independently?

I'm 55 and my dad died 13 years ago at 81. My mum will be 90 this year and, while she still lives alone, she can only do so because of a combination of me and 4 care visits per day as she has Alzheimer's. On the other hand, DP is 56 and his parents aren't yet 80 and still very much independent. There are so many factors involved, including age when children were born, lifestyle, health, sheer good/bad luck!

Not unusual for previous generations who had their children young. It will probably become less common as people have children later in life.

I'm 59 and my mum died last year and my dad is still alive. Lots of my friends have at least one parent still living.

I am at the age where there seems to be a funeral for a member of the older generation on a regular basis (slight exaggeration). Last year my mum and my husband's aunt died. I'm going to my aunt's funeral this week and my dad probably hasn't got long to go.

I would think about a third of my over 50's friends have both parent's.

It depends on how old they became parents really.

Mum and MiL are early 80's. Both Dad's gone.

Friends parent's range from early 70's to early 90's. Obviously more of the former are still around than the latter.

We are a couple of years off 55 but only have 1 of our 4 parents still alive. And they have dementia and are in a residential home.

I have both mine alive and living independently though they are only 18 years older than me. The same with my work colleague

OH is 62 and both parents died 20 years ago. Other ladies at work have both parents but suffering significant I'll health

My Mum died when I was 56 and my Dad died when I was 63.

I’m only 50, but the youngest of 5 siblings all of whom were 55 or older when mum and dad died in 2021. They were both in hosp at the end of their lives (for a couple of months) but until then (until fucking Covid) were in their own home and looking after themselves.

I'm in your age group and my DPs are alive and living independently, late 80s/early 90s.

I’m not 55 yet. Dh is. His mum died almost 30 years ago and my father even longer ago than that.

I meant to add, I don’t think living until you’re very old is necessarily a good thing. We want quality of life, not quantity.

From personal experience yes. One still here but incapable of living independently.

DSIL lost her grandmother about 3 years ago when DSIL was mid fifties - combination of grandmother living to 99 and both grandmother and mother having their first children at the ages of 17 and 18.

I would say it’s not in common amongst people I know ( including me). Currently my parents (early 80s) live fully independently and no adaptations though my dad is about to get his first hearing aid! Very few of my mid fifties friends have lost both parents and quite a few still have both alive . Not many are in residential care though my DH mum might end up there soon. They have all lived older than their own parents or are likely to at their current trajectory . A 67 yo cousin has both parents ( in their 90s ) still living independently . This will start to change a lot in the future - I had my first DC in late thirties whereas my mum was 23 so I will be considerably older when my DC are mid fifties .

Hmm thanks everyone for responding ! It's great that to hear people have well parents in their 90s and people who lose parents younger have to be strong - as it's difficult. Wide variety of experience here. Interesting that it's not just me who thinks social class is a factor. I thought that the fact that my friends who'd lost parents before 45 were all working class may have been just coincidence.

I had both still alive at 55. Dads gone, but he made it to 90. Mum (92) still plodding on. Mum still had her Mum when she was 55 and her Dad had his Mum when at 55, so it doesnt seem that rare to me to still be forking out for a Mother's Day card in middle age. 🙂

My DM is 56 and both her parents are dead. Her Mum died 22 years ago and her Dad died 6 years ago.

This was the case with both my parents - both were 59 when their first parent (my grandfathers) died, Mum in her early 60s when her Mum died, and Dad 68 when his mother passed away.

Their parents had been in their early 20s when they had them. Both sets of grandparents were of that generation that saw war twice in their lifetimes, both grandfathers having served in WWI, and Home Guard as ‘old men’ in their 40s!, so they did well to get to the age they did, but they were part of a demographic that saw rising living standards.

I was never going to have had the same experience as my parents had me in their mid 40s. Mum died in my mid 40s though I was in my early 50s when Dad died in his late 90s still living independently.

So there must have been/is a ‘sweet spot’ in demographics when a low median age of giving birth + rising living standards enabled it to be quite common for both parents still to be alive when their children were in their 50s, but it may become less common with much older ages of first-time parents plus the prevalence of cancer claiming many before their time (and that is not class-related) etc. That sweet spot has probably been from c 40 years ago to now but we may not see it persist.

Class is a big factor. My dad (WC, manual job) is in less good health than DH's dad (MC, office job) of the same age. Both have healthy lifestyles, although DH's dad drinks more, neither smokes. But doing a manual job for your entire working life takes a toll.

Dh and I are 60 and we have one parent each who is alive and living independently and healthy.
I have a split of friends a couple with both parents others with none.

Surely it will partly depend on how old their parents were when they were born.

My partner is 56. His mum was in her mid 30s when she had him. Very common now but unusual then (his cousins are much older). His dad died a few years ago after having dementia for years. His mum lives in her own home but is in her 90s and is quite frail.

I'm 55 and my parents had me when they were in their late 20s. My dad died unexpectedly in his 70s. My Mum is in her 80s and very independent.

the prevalence of cancer claiming many before their time (and that is not class-related) etc.

Outcomes in all aspects of health are class related. Cancer included.

www.cancerresearchuk.org/health-professional/cancer-statistics/survival/socio-economic-group#heading-Zero

I'm 53, husband 56 and we still have both sets of parents. We were just talking yesterday how unusual it was, although they still don't seem that old to me. FIL still works part time and cycles every day and my own dad still does bits of childcare/taxiing for his greatgrandkids on the other side.

Both of us had lost our fathers to cancer, before we reached 55.

Social class is a factor. In the area that I live in most parents have their first by 24, the previous generation had their first late teens. However lifestyle and tough working life for men, meant many died before 65. It's something that will be happening again with the advances of medicine, but still lower age births.

I lost my parents at a relatively young age because they were older when they had me. One of them was a smoking related death.

I am finding that those who still have parents alive are now dealing with very aged parents and all the health issues it entails. At least I am spared that I suppose.

I'm nearly 58.
I have both parents. They live in a large detached house. They both have no health issues. Dad is currently decorating the house. It is lovely and modern. They have gone for the minimalist look! Both are up to date with current affairs. Mum, in particular, is up to date with current trends, bands and groups, etc. She follows MAFS, watches gritty dramas. Parents are mid 80's.
Most of my friends are the same with their parents.
In my office at work my manager and deputy manager, who are younger than me but over 40 have both lost their mum but everyone else still has both parents.