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AIBU?

To be upset about nothing on Mother's Day

100 replies

GlowDown · 19/03/2023 07:01

I was buying my own mum flowers last week and he said to me "you're not expecting lots of gifts are you?" And I said "no, some flowers and a lie in might be nice though" and he winked.

Yet I'm up at 6am with the kids. And he told me last night he'd forgotten and it was a silly day anyway. I was pissed off and he told me I was being ridiculous

Small kids so it's all on DH.

He knows I feel taken for granted sometimes when I work full time and do so much of the home stuff too. And I really thought he'd do a little something

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 19/03/2023 07:03

That’s rubbish OP. However Just don’t do anything for Father’s Day in June sod him.

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DogsDryWineAndCheese · 19/03/2023 07:03

What a shame, it looks like Fathers Day has slipped your mind!

Utterly thoughtless of him.

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snitzelvoncrumb · 19/03/2023 07:03

He will never get it, unless you do the same. Don’t acknowledge Father’s Day at all. So many mums get nothing, but make Father’s Day special. You must do the same for him.

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LolaSmiles · 19/03/2023 07:04

If you normally celebrate in a low key way, DH hasn't bothered and then he's minimised your feelings then it's understandable that you're feeling hurt. He's been unkind.

It's not about the gifts and when he realised he'd forgotten he could have chosen to still do something nice today for you with DC. He's just chosen to be unkind.

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Snowjokes · 19/03/2023 07:05

Why are you up? Go turf him out of bed and get back in it!

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doubleshotcappuccino · 19/03/2023 07:07

Take yourself out for a coffee later and leave kids with him !

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Annietheacrobat · 19/03/2023 07:08

Go upstairs and get back in bed!

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NancyJoan · 19/03/2023 07:08

I’m sorry. DH forgot to get me anything one year, I was so, so upset. It felt like a complete disregard for everything that I do, and wasn’t helped by the fact we had his mum here for the weekend, and I’d sorted cards/gifts for her and booked a table for lunch.

Can you go out for a nice breakfast on your own? Buy the Sunday papers and sit in glorious peace

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smellyflowers · 19/03/2023 07:09

He knows I feel taken for granted sometimes when I work full time and do so much of the home stuff too. this is what makes it a big deal. If this wasn't an issue then it wouldn't be so big a deal today.

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704703hey · 19/03/2023 07:10

I see what you mean, a lie in, cup of teaand him organising the children for the day (or just a few hours) would be nice to give you a break.

Do schools not get children to do a home-made card anymore? Back in my day we used to do our creative best at the instruction of the teacher. We quite enjoyed it.

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Harping0n · 19/03/2023 07:11

Turf him out of bed. Or just simply explain you are popping out as it’s Mother’s Day and you want a break. Don’t say when you will be back.
Go out on your own for a lovely breakfast or coffee/read a book.
Consequences = results
It’s not just another day. It’s your day to spend as you choose.

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Westfacing · 19/03/2023 07:13

People saying 'go back to bed' - I bet her husband is like my ex, not a morning person/can't be arsed - so she wouldn't be relaxing lying there listening to mayhem downstairs. Leaving them to get on with it only leaves you anxious knowing it's not being done with good grace.

OP I hope your day gets better.

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Sceptre86 · 19/03/2023 07:15

I disagree with the other posters. You will keep going to effort for fathers day and then feeling shit that he doesn't do the same. He doesn't give a shit about you and your putting up with it. Who cares if he believes in Mother's day or not, it should be enough that you do? Why are your standards so low? Your kids will learn from the example they see, he makes out like you aren't fussed so once they are older they won't be either. When he asked if you'd want loads of presents you should have asked so what if I do?

I set out my expectations. I work hard for my family and I appreciate my dhs acknowledgement of it all year round but I do enjoy flowers and a fuss on the day so that is what I get. If I was supposed to have a lie in I would pass the kids to him and get back into bed with the door shut. As it happens I'm an early riser and my lot are all snoring away.

It's nice to have a rant now and again but honestly do something about your life.

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RumandSpinach · 19/03/2023 07:29

There's zero consideration here. A lie in and a cuppa do not take planning or cost money. The kids could have made you a card while you slept.

What's he like the 364 days a year? If its like this I'd be gone, if you're going to parent alone you may as well do it without the useless presence of this twat.

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GlowDown · 19/03/2023 07:34

@Sceptre86 that's the thing...after being married to him for 5 years now I know I have to set out my expectations. So I actually said to him 2 or 3 times this last week...no present necessary, flowers and a lie in/nice breakfast that I don't have to make....that would be lovely and what I would like. I felt I spelt it out. And he listened

So to then last night when we came to bed and he said to not expect anything, he'd forgotten, it was a stupid day...it hurt a bit. I told him so. He said I'm ridiculous but I stuck by my guns

I have gone back to bed though. And he mumbled sorry at me and said "maybe I can pick something up at the garage later" hahaha!

I agree with you though. Ranting on MN doesn't solve being taken for granted.

He's never going to change though. Not really. I either tolerate low level shittyness forever or leave. He will never truly understand or put himself out for anyone.

OP posts:

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GlowDown · 19/03/2023 07:35

My two kids made me adorable cards at nursery. So that's nice.

OP posts:

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feelinglikeanewparent · 19/03/2023 07:37

This is why Mother's Day comes before Father's Day

You do even less exactly the same when it's his turn

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Lipfloss · 19/03/2023 07:39

He could have got up with the children and brought you up some breakfast and a hot drink even if he'd forgotten yesterday, but then he should be getting up with them regularly anyway

Honestly my ex was the same, It wasn't about not getting presents or whatever it was just the general thoughtlessness. I just assumed that's how all men were, but DH isn't at all. I'm not saying of course leave him or whatever based on today, but I'm sure there's probably more to it which is why it's upset you.

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Lampzade · 19/03/2023 07:44

Op, it is not about Mother’s Day per se. I just think that you feel undervalued and unappreciated

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MissyB1 · 19/03/2023 07:53

Yeah he has been thoughtless and selfish. The “it’s a silly day” is him defending his laziness, he couldn’t be arsed so therefore it’s a silly day 🙄 Sorry but I would be pissed off because it’s says something about how much effort he thinks you are worth.

Personally I can’t lie in, I’m awake with the birds (thanks menopause!) so I’ve been down and made a cup of tea. But I know there will be a card later and Dh is cooking a roast and my adult dc are coming over.

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SunWarrior · 19/03/2023 07:58

Maybe I just have very low standards but I don’t expect anything on Mothers Day/Woman’s Day/Valentines whatever.
I don’t know, I’m not the kinda of a person who bothers much about things like so I’m perfectly fine with nothing.
Of course if you manage to get me a flowers great, I will say thank you but if there’s nothing it with all honestly won’t bother me

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Lipfloss · 19/03/2023 08:00

SunWarrior · 19/03/2023 07:58

Maybe I just have very low standards but I don’t expect anything on Mothers Day/Woman’s Day/Valentines whatever.
I don’t know, I’m not the kinda of a person who bothers much about things like so I’m perfectly fine with nothing.
Of course if you manage to get me a flowers great, I will say thank you but if there’s nothing it with all honestly won’t bother me

Which is fine, but OP has spoken to him about it and he can't be arsed with to be honest something he should his fair share of anyway.

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Readtopop · 19/03/2023 08:00

Hugs Op. it’s so hard when you feel taken for granted . It’s not hard to buy a bunch of tulips and a large bar of dairy milk and then make you a little breakfast with the children.
He has been utterly lazy and it is not on and highlights now unimportant you are to him. So what if he doesn’t believe in it - you do and your his partner and the mother of his children . So if he can’t be asked to spend £12 and make an effort of making bloody toast and eggs - it is just bloody cruel . I get it ! Xxx

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IHateFlies · 19/03/2023 08:00

And Father's Day is a silly day for a lazy arse father who barely makes an effort. I hope you remember that!
Tell him all the shops are open today and he can go and get some flowers

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Testina · 19/03/2023 08:03

Don’t waste your time complaining to him about one silly made up day… complain about your life. That’s what you need to sort. Is your bar really so low that as long as he gets you flowers 3x a year (Xmas, Birthday, Mother’s Day) that you’ll stay married to an arsehole who treats you like shit 362 days a year?

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