To be upset about nothing on Mother's Day

[GlowDown]

I was buying my own mum flowers last week and he said to me "you're not expecting lots of gifts are you?" And I said "no, some flowers and a lie in might be nice though" and he winked.

Yet I'm up at 6am with the kids. And he told me last night he'd forgotten and it was a silly day anyway. I was pissed off and he told me I was being ridiculous

Small kids so it's all on DH.

He knows I feel taken for granted sometimes when I work full time and do so much of the home stuff too. And I really thought he'd do a little something

You can pull this back OP, it's morning time and the day isn't beyond saving. Take yourself and DC out for something you like to do, a walk and a picnic or similar. Take them to the shop to choose some flowers and chocolates for you. You will continue to resent your husband for not doing anything for you, but that doesn't mean you don't get to celebrate Mothers Day

That’s horrible OP, if feels like he put more effort into making you feel crap than it would have taking him to make you feel good. He obviously knew it was today and it’s not up to him to decide if something is ‘silly’ or not. I get what other posters are saying about just ignoring Father’s Day when it comes around but it’s unfair to have to change who you are and force yourself to be someone you’re not to match someone else’s shitty behaviour. I’d just speak to him, tell him you’re upset, disappointed and not impressed at all, give him the chance to rectify it and tell him you expect far better. You were asking for very little. If he can’t get you a little bunch of flowers, a card from the children and a cuppa in ned, what’s the effing point! Again, you were asking for the absolute basics OP. Happy Mother’s Day to you 🌻🌹🌼🌸🌺🌷💖

I agree with him about mothers day, but you've spoken about it and said what you'd like which means it does mean something to you. Therefore he's out of order.

Any chance he's having you on and you'll get something when he gets up?

Otherwise, If he cared he'd be driving around supermarkets right now looking for a card and some flowers but he's not, he's having a lie in!

If you don't get anything, do not do anything for Father's Day.

I’m the same but I do think when the kids are younger and harder work an acknowledgement and tea in bed or something is a nice nod to the day and shows appreciation. I’ve never gone in for big gestures but being totally disregarded doesn’t feel good. Nowadays I don’t expect anything I tell my adult kids not to buy me anything (not even a card).

Take yourself off for a nice few hours at least!

The problem with this though is that your son is likely to recreate this with the mother of his child. He will think that because his mum didn't mind no effort being made for her, then hisxwife doesn't either.

100% this.

What a shame, it looks like Fathers Day has slipped your mind!

Don't be that parent that drags their children into petty drama between parents. The children deserve better, even if he doesn't.

I’m not bothered nowadays about MD but if my son were to become a father I’d certainly make sure he was aware and to acknowledge it. I’m probably a busybody anyway (🤔) because I texted him to make sure he acknowledged his gf on their first Valentines Day (reply:of course mum, I’m not an idiot).

Most men don’t care about Father’s Day. Dh doesn’t even remember what month Father’s Day falls.
So attempts at ‘revenge’ will be pointless

I’m not sure showing the same level of attention to Father’s Day is dragging the kids into anything. It’s not like it matters or will even feel like a big deal to them.

Happy Mother’s Day 💐 I love the school cards and the excitement on their faces when they give it.

Sorry this has happened. It’s happened to me today too but I’m extra hurt as my children are 8 and 12. I’m not grabby nor expect much but nothing. One is in bed and one is on iPad. Tbh after the year I’ve had I’m devastated x

Hi op, I am also upset today. We have 2 DS’s 4 and 1 I do absolutely everything , all the cooking, cleaning, washing, appointments, stay at home with them and also work from home as well I have zero time to myself while he works and I never even got a card. I’m not even angry I’m sad. Just know you’re a brilliant mum and your kids love you very much! It’s what’s keeping me going.

I think OP, you need to set your stall out very clearly. What will you put up with and won’t you? He need to be explicitly told what your expectations are. He can either then meet them or not but with the understanding there will be consequences.

You haven’t asked for much and he has been an utter arse. He sounds selfish and thoughtless. If this is a symptom of your relationship in general then the long and frank discussion is needed sooner rather than later.

OP, do what you want to do today and leave twat husband to step up.

I'm not bothered by mother's day but in saying that I don't feel taken for granted. This is clearly a sign of something a bit deeper.

My experience used to say "you're not my mother".

Ex not experience 🤪

@SquidwardBound

I’m not sure showing the same level of attention to Father’s Day is dragging the kids into anything. It’s not like it matters or will even feel like a big deal to them.

It does matter. They will know. It's so much easier to set a good example you your children then it is to drag them into adult shit. You are trying to teach them to be good people. Retaliating with n Father's Day because your partner cba on Mother's Day is teaching them to be petty and game players.

"Retaliating with n Father's Day because your partner cba on Mother's Day is teaching them to be petty and game players."

I don't think it is. The father doesn't seem to care about such days so shouldn't be a big deal.
It's also a green light to carry on treating the mother like shit and there'll be no consequences.
It's better for the mother to stop being a doormat and show she's not a walkover who carries on playing her dutiful role despite being treated like shit.
She does not have to tolerate being treated like she doesn't matter.

It's teaching the kids to not tolerate such treatment so they don't grow up thinking their mother doesn't matter and neither does the mother of their future children.

Father's Day isn't about their mother. It's about them and their dad. That's all.

I literally do the cards and send all of DH's mother's flowers. We are in the US so its in May for us but he never remembers that either. I always had the kids make him something and I write a nice note. Not much but at least I remember. Debating doing f all this year. If He won't remember his own UK mothers day he won't remember mine (and hasn't done).

@QuackMooBaaOink

Absolutely.

That's the key here. Children learn by what they live.

Sorry you’ve been made to feel this way OP. It’s really not ok. Even if he did forget, a lie in and breakfast in bed would have made up for that. He doesn’t care enough about you to do that sadly.

I’m always surprised when I read posts like this that women stay with men who are like this. This isn’t about Mother’s Day. It’s bigger than that. It’s lack of respect, lack of kindness, lack of care for the person they have chosen to live their life with. I doubt very much that this selfishness is only shown on Mother’s Day, and that it is a reflection of how life is generally.