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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

a question about pizza which is representative of deeper isses

81 replies

pizzaz · 12/02/2008 10:32

Regular poster, have name changed for less bias...

I am on may home from another mumsnetter's house in dp's work van that I've borrowed for the day in order to transport a large item. My friend is looking after the dc and I've promised pizza tea for us all when we get back. Will be pizza on a tight budget.

Anyway, all day was a rush, so after lots of lovely texts from dp throghout the day (we have been rather on/off lately so this was a nice surprise and he was quite apologetic in several of his texts) I call and tell him on my way home but wold he mind going online to order the pizza so we don't have to wait when I get in as is now quite late. I tell him I have a budget of about 7 quid and that there is a bOGOF which comes to about 6 quid or so. He seems surprised but I say have a look online.

Anyway he orders pizza and when I get home announces that it is just over £15 quid in total. I look surprised and then say "what am I going to do?" We argue and he flings me 20 quid out of the work till and tells me to go away as I am taking the piss.

Now, I owe him money but it is complicated and he knows I am doing all that I can to pay him back and also that it was partly his 'situtaion' with ex wife that caused the debt in the first place.

However, I am a lone parent trying to get back to work and with no residual income, I gettaken out by him all the time since socialising isn't even part of my life as I don't have the spare cash for it. He tells me he is ok with this so wjhy is he being unreasonable about the pizza money??

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
pizzaz · 12/02/2008 11:33

Good point MF - my language is quite needy, yes. I was certainly aware of being assertive and saying "you'll have to pay" but felt that was unreasonable.

actually I was probably quite manipulative because I knew he had to pay - I guess I set it up so I'd not have to ask (afraid) andf he'd have to offer.

Ultimately though, I just wish he'd respected my instructions and budgetin the first place.

Going to supermarket would have cost me more in petrol (detour off of motorway and I had no more funds to top up and had hit red line on guage) and in time and friend had been very good having dc all day. That is why I made the choice, wisely or unwisely.

OP posts:
MotherFunk · 12/02/2008 11:36

Message withdrawn

MotherFunk · 12/02/2008 11:37

Message withdrawn

lucyellensmum · 12/02/2008 11:38

fucking hell, i love mumsnet i do - WOS, my backbone IS growing, see my other thread - um, im not the OP by the way! Who is it?? I have my ideas but im wrong i think

sherby · 12/02/2008 11:38

If we just forget that you shouldn't of been ordering pizza with your last £7, then yes he was being a cock. If he couldn't get it for £7 he should of phoned and said there is no deal what do you want me to do?

He sounds like a prize twat and you shouldn't ever let somebody throw money at you in that fashion. You are not crap on his shoe tell him hes pissing in the wind if he thinks hes getting his money back.

lucyellensmum · 12/02/2008 11:39

If it were me, i would have preferred a home cooked spag bol to a pizza any day - oooh, about £3.50!

WallOfSilence · 12/02/2008 11:40

How long has he been your dp?

He is your landlord also, am I right?

Do you see where there are lines that shouldn't be crossed?

You really should stand up for yourself more love, stop depending on him. It's not really about pizzas. You could have told him to call & cancel the order because it was too much money.

Did he actually say you now owed him the £8 or do you feel you have to pay him back?

WallOfSilence · 12/02/2008 11:41

Hello LEM

mintchips · 12/02/2008 11:43

So the pizza was for your friend?

You budgeted for 7 quid and told him so, he ordered more- he could have rung to check with you if he couldn't find that particular deal- so imo its fair enough for you to ask to borrow the extra 8 quid.

I hope you sort your problems with dp out as a takeaway pizza and 8 quid shouldn't cause you to feel so upset

DualCycloneCod · 12/02/2008 11:43

wos are you a changer of name?

WallOfSilence · 12/02/2008 11:44

Yes. But i'm not as opinionated under my own name

Think I shall change back.

mamasara82 · 12/02/2008 11:47

Pizzaz when your in a relationship its give and take. I would expect my partner to help me out when I am broke and vise versa for him.

You say you are going to make good money this month and next and then you can pay your way.

I think people are really quick to jump down everyones throat and when your on the receiving end it doesn't do you any good.

He really shouldn't act like this, maybe have a chat with him and see if you have a future, if it doesn't work out pay him back his money when you get paid and break up.

Original poster
pizzaz · 12/02/2008 11:47

I've given him the £10 I had and feel I owe him the remaining £10, yes.

I feel dismayed at myself right now. I have tried to make changes.

This morning he texted me to say he had tried to bring me coffee and croissant in bed but my door was double locked (deliberate, I needed my space) and I feel like I've gone from last night feeling that he is way too big a selwfish cock to bother with to now feeling like maybe I should see and maybe he was right and I'm just totally in the wrong.

Defo a case of 'if you want a job done properly...'

Anyway, van lending is equated with me helping him out tomorrow as he was in the shit.

as for cost of pizza, rightly or wrongly it is a job done and I think there would have been pence in it in reality. It is fun to order pizza which is why I did it for friend and her dd - as a treat. I didn't want them to watch me come home and spend half an hour or more standing at the cooker cooking some run of the mill meal up for them.

As I say, I wouldn't have had take out for me and the dc but this was a treat for my friend. I coudl have paid a sitter over 60 quid instead!

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 12/02/2008 11:50

WOS dont you DARE!! I like opiniontated I enjoyed my pat on the head,
could
you just scratch behind my ear too

lucyellensmum · 12/02/2008 11:50

WOS dont you DARE!! I like opiniontated I enjoyed my pat on the head,
could
you just scratch behind my ear too

Tortington · 12/02/2008 11:52

he should have lent you the van

your in a relationship

its give and take
not what ine is mine and you owe me for it darling.

but PMSL'''''''''''@ NAMECHANGER

too cwardly to post underown name an demanding you grow a backbone.

when yohave grown your bacbone

tell the name changer to grow a pair of balls

Original poster
pizzaz · 12/02/2008 11:54

Oh custy, I am sooo upset about this. My friend the mumsnetter has met dp and says she figures he is a good kind of bloke. I don't want to lose this reltionship as well but he has morphed into a right arse in the last month or so.

I think that might just make it my fault

OP posts:
Original poster
pizzaz · 12/02/2008 11:58

Bloody hell WallofSilence, I hope yo are not her!

OP posts:
MotherFunk · 12/02/2008 11:58

Message withdrawn

WallOfSilence · 12/02/2008 12:01

I had my name changed for another post that I was on re: my parents argument... & as I said before (possibly on another thread though) that my SIL lurks here... so I don't want to say who I am. But I am a regular.. but it's possible you won't know me.

pizza, no I'm not your friend

Well, I am, (on here) but not that one!

Off to get ds now.

dragging my backbone on the ground now I have been admonished by the great yellow one.....

Tortington · 12/02/2008 12:06

sorry WOS

sorry
wossy

sorry

sorry
sorry

i meant in jest

admired your cod takedown if thats any help

LadyOfWaffle · 12/02/2008 12:09

I don't get it -you owe him money anyway or you now owe him money because he lent you £8 for the pizza? Fair enough if £15 was the cheapest he could get it, but to squabble over £8 is so childish. You owe your DP £8??? Follow the advice of the other MNers who has got more the jist of this and know who you are... BUt have some {{hugs}} as you seem quite upset over it x

lucyellensmum · 12/02/2008 12:11

i dont even know how to change my name!!!!

Original poster
pizzaz · 12/02/2008 12:18

que re. £60? It's what the lady who I am using to cover my work charges.

OP posts:
MotherFunk · 12/02/2008 12:20

Message withdrawn