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AIBU?

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Original poster

Constipation TMI?

31 replies

burgledinParis · 17/03/2023 22:07

I had an emergency operation on Tuesday. I'm fine but still in hospital and bored out of my mind. The doctors have said I can go home once I've had a poo. I have a group chat with some friends. On group chat when one friend asked when I was getting out I replied "I need to have a poo first". Ensured funny poo themed chat which cheered me up a lot and made me laugh with friends coming out with their "thuglife" coffee and cigarettes and a hangover vs "healthy living" Chia seed pudding and stewed prunes recommendations.

One member of group chat has messaged me shocked saying somethings should be kept private, its undignified etc etc.

I'm now bored and pissed off.

Would you please amuse me with suggestions of appropriate answers to her text?

N.B- We're all in our 30's or 40's
N.B 2- Everyone except me in the chat is either an MD or a PhD in biology.
N.B 3 - Coffee and prune juice have had 0 effect so far

Merci

OP posts:
ivfbabymomma1 · 17/03/2023 22:11

Tell them you will be sure to send photo evidence when it's done

NailsForBreakfastTacksForSnacks · 17/03/2023 22:24

I’m sure the sticks up their arses ensure they struggle to poo too OP.

wishing you happy movements 😂

Marchforward · 17/03/2023 22:26

A heartfelt apology to the whole group underneath a screen shot of her original message direct to you.

MeinKraft · 17/03/2023 22:26

FS there's always one isn't there!

ChiefAdjusterOfRubensShorts · 17/03/2023 22:28

It’s poo FFS! Everybody does it, even the King!

Hope you’re home soon!

TomatoSandwiches · 17/03/2023 22:28

I'd say she should ask the group how to deal with constipation of sense of humour and then add you are texting from the porcelain throne.

WimpoleHat · 17/03/2023 22:30

I probably err on the side of feeling that bowel habits aren’t a great topic for general conversation. But this was in context and pertaining to a specific situation where you’d been in hospital. Hence a bit of light hearted joshing among friends is just a bit of fun and this woman sounds very prissy and uptight.

TomatoSandwiches · 17/03/2023 22:34

" I'm a bit crap at saying sorry but here goes, I apologise from the depths of my bowels for offending your sensibilities. I can only admit that I am also suffering from verbal diarrhoea and promise to limit subjecting you to my toilet humour henceforth. "

Original poster
burgledinParis · 17/03/2023 22:37

@TomatoSandwiches
" I'm a bit crap at saying sorry but here goes, I apologise from the depths of my bowels for offending your sensibilities. I can only admit that I am also suffering from verbal diarrhoea and promise to limit subjecting you to my toilet humour henceforth. "

;-)

OP posts:
Original poster
burgledinParis · 17/03/2023 22:37

@NailsForBreakfastTacksForSnacks

I'm honestly so desperate. I'm also wishing myself happy movements soon I hope.

OP posts:
CC4712 · 17/03/2023 22:40

Marchforward · 17/03/2023 22:26

A heartfelt apology to the whole group underneath a screen shot of her original message direct to you.

I personally like this reply! 😁

If you are still struggling, look into a squatty potty. Anything that lifts your feet to a more squat like position will help straighten the bowel and make it easier to poo. If you are still in hospital- can you use the side of a commode to raise your feet, step or anything in the bathroom to raise them up? If you are on opioids, have they given you anything to counteract constipation? If not, ask for some! Best of luck op.

Original poster
burgledinParis · 17/03/2023 22:42
Loading Downloading GIF by Mashable

@WimpoleHat

Honest to God - we normally never talk poo ( actually we did have a squatty potty debate at one point) but I'm miserable and bored.

She's also a biologist - we all work in hospitals FFS...

Anywat I think I might just not respond and send a fake loading image to the group chat with a "I have news tag"

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 17/03/2023 22:42

I think I’d just remove her from the group
chat and carry on as you were!

thefactsarefriendly · 17/03/2023 22:43

Just wondering if there's a reason you might not want to go home?

Saz12 · 17/03/2023 22:47

Pffft. All you said was your drs needed you to poop before home. It’s hardly personal information!

Hold the front page! Human being has a poo! Ridiculous

Original poster
burgledinParis · 17/03/2023 22:47

@CC4712

Thanks! I have a squatty potty at home and have tried here using the upside down bathroom bin - but no luck.

I've been off the opioids since yesterday and had hope the antibiotics I'm on might help but nada ...

I've asked if I can have anything to help counteract the opioids but my surgeon has said that given the operation I had he's rather see if I can go "naturally" even if it takes a few days.

The poo chat participating friends who are also MD's have sided with my surgeon ( unsurprisingly) - I did try to pity beg a prescription for the nuclear equivalent of epsom salts from them.

OP posts:
MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 17/03/2023 22:50

It's just a bodily function that everyone does (in some way shape or form depending on bowel surgeries etc) I don't know why someone would get their knickers in a twist about that.

I hope you do poop OP!!

Not that long ago a work colleague said to me about something that she couldn't give a s**t about something. Then finished the sentence on 'actually I really can't it's been 3 days!' 🤣🤣 then after that we needed an update!

Original poster
burgledinParis · 17/03/2023 22:57

@thefactsarefriendly

I so so want to go home.

I work in a hospital - nothing special about hospitals for me.

I've watched enough French daytime tv to last me a lifetime. The food is shit.

I've used up my "mutuelle" health insurance rights to have a visitor extra bed in my room ( my contract only pays for two.) So even though I had company from a friend Wednesday and Thursday night I'm now on my own.

I can't stand the breakfast and the supper a 6pm.

I really want to home to my comfy double bed, my high speed fiber internet, my lovely cleaning lady and my friends being able to pop in when ever?

I couldn't have gone home before today anyway because I was still on post op antibiotic drip.

It really isn't psychosomatic poo retention.

Being consipated is a common side effect of surgery and opiates also cause constipation. So it is totally normal I haven't been yet.

Also, as I'm France patients tend to be kept in hospital slightly longer than in the UK.

OP posts:
UnicornsDoExist · 17/03/2023 22:59

My friend swears by popcorn. A big juicy orange works for me, good luck 🤞🏼

thefactsarefriendly · 17/03/2023 23:06

Thank you answering. I just felt I should check. Wishing you satisfying motions. 😁

MrsHGWells · 17/03/2023 23:07

Magnesium citrate is your friend .. wash down with an espresso…. And importantly.. you also need to eat to stimulate your gut/ intestines to poop.

Hankunamatata · 17/03/2023 23:12

Just send her a poo emoji

NoMoneyForEducation · 17/03/2023 23:16

Just say "Shit, sorry."

Nothing more.....

LakeTiticaca · 17/03/2023 23:24

Latex glove, large dollop of vaseline on your finger. Shove said finger up your arse, move it around a little, that should loosen the logjam 😉

Original poster
burgledinParis · 18/03/2023 08:37

Thanks all.

I replied as per @NoMoneyForEducation suggestion - but on the group chat with an "Ah, merde, desolée."

And I have high hopes for today.

OP posts: