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Original poster

Constipation TMI?

31 replies

burgledinParis · 17/03/2023 22:07

I had an emergency operation on Tuesday. I'm fine but still in hospital and bored out of my mind. The doctors have said I can go home once I've had a poo. I have a group chat with some friends. On group chat when one friend asked when I was getting out I replied "I need to have a poo first". Ensured funny poo themed chat which cheered me up a lot and made me laugh with friends coming out with their "thuglife" coffee and cigarettes and a hangover vs "healthy living" Chia seed pudding and stewed prunes recommendations.

One member of group chat has messaged me shocked saying somethings should be kept private, its undignified etc etc.

I'm now bored and pissed off.

Would you please amuse me with suggestions of appropriate answers to her text?

N.B- We're all in our 30's or 40's
N.B 2- Everyone except me in the chat is either an MD or a PhD in biology.
N.B 3 - Coffee and prune juice have had 0 effect so far

Merci

OP posts:
georgarina · 18/03/2023 08:41

This would be my nightmare. Do you have a private bathroom? The shared ones on the ward are too public for me.

Can you ask for a laxative? That was the only way I've ever been able to get through my stays in hospital.

ferneytorro · 18/03/2023 08:43

burgledinParis · 17/03/2023 22:57

@thefactsarefriendly

I so so want to go home.

I work in a hospital - nothing special about hospitals for me.

I've watched enough French daytime tv to last me a lifetime. The food is shit.

I've used up my "mutuelle" health insurance rights to have a visitor extra bed in my room ( my contract only pays for two.) So even though I had company from a friend Wednesday and Thursday night I'm now on my own.

I can't stand the breakfast and the supper a 6pm.

I really want to home to my comfy double bed, my high speed fiber internet, my lovely cleaning lady and my friends being able to pop in when ever?

I couldn't have gone home before today anyway because I was still on post op antibiotic drip.

It really isn't psychosomatic poo retention.

Being consipated is a common side effect of surgery and opiates also cause constipation. So it is totally normal I haven't been yet.

Also, as I'm France patients tend to be kept in hospital slightly longer than in the UK.

This ruins the reputation of the French being suppository mad! Challenge is, when you don’t go it’s all consuming isn’t it. Bed rest and pain killers are a lethal combination. I’ve a sluggish bowel and yesterday I had a fybogel, are a whole Tin of prunes and some other natural stuff from Holland and barratt. The result , a fairly normal bowel movement this morning!

Original poster
burgledinParis · 18/03/2023 14:17

It has happened! Thanks all. Feel so much better.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 18/03/2023 14:20

burgledinParis · 18/03/2023 14:17

It has happened! Thanks all. Feel so much better.

I've never congratulated anyone for having a shit but there's a first for everything!

Congratulations! 💐 Homeward bound for you at last😃

WimpoleHat · 18/03/2023 21:10

Yes - congratulations on the recent arrival 😝. Hope you’re homeward bound now (and feeling much better!).

Twiglets1 · 18/03/2023 21:20

Tell her you’ll log her complaint

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