Page 2 | He said he wished I'd die

LovesaHoliday · 2023-03-17T18:51:13+00:00

My DH and I have been having a rough time recently and a couple of weeks ago he told me he wished I would die. I was obviously very shocked at this and left the room and when we discussed it the next day he said it was the panic that if I left and tried to take his money or our DC that he would rather that I was dead. He did say he felt guilty for saying it and that he wanted to jump in front of a train so I calmed the situation down but I said we had a lot to work on if we wanted to stay together. Since then he's been really antagonist and pulling me up on my faults, saying I'm selfish and having lots of little digs. AIBU to think that he should be making an effort to actually fix things rather than trying to make things worse?

Iloveenidblyton · 17/03/2023 19:25

YABU for wanting to stay with him after what he said and his continuing bad behaviour.
Huge red flag
Time to dump him but be careful
He sounds like the type who’d kill you if you tried to leave.
His reference suicide is emotional abuse too.

TiedUpWithABlackVelvetBand · 17/03/2023 19:25

Sorry, but yes you are being unreasonable.

There is nothing to fix. This man really, really dislikes you. Why on earth would you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t like you?

For your own sanity and wellbeing, and that of your DC, move on.

ThreeRingCircus · 17/03/2023 19:28

This is actually quite concerning.

He didn't just say he wants harm to come to you, he wished you dead. And backed down but it's not that he doesn't want you to die, just that he'd rather you die than divorce him and have the children (and any money you're owed.)

I would be logging this somewhere official and telling some trusted friends/family that he'd said this to you. Genuinely.

Duckingella · 17/03/2023 19:28

I'd be genuinely worried about how far he'd be willing to take the statement about you being dead before he'd let you take his money or the kids.

I'd take that as a threat;you need to speak to women's aid and log the threat with the police.If you can book a appointment with a solicitor regarding your legal rights ASAP.

I wouldn't be looking to continue this relationship and you need to start making plans to either leave or remove him from the house if possible.

Backstreets · 17/03/2023 19:29

He sounds bloody horrible.

Dotcheck · 17/03/2023 19:31

He said he wished you were dead.

How long has he been chipping away at your self esteem that you can’t see this for what it is?

Please call women’s aid- this is very scary

forgotmyusername1 · 17/03/2023 19:37

Id be sleeping with one eye open

He has basically told you he doesnt want to be with you but doesnt want to give you money or contact with the kids in the case of a divorce

Leave before he tells the police you left him to be with another man and didnt want to take the kids with you...'

Pinkbonbon · 17/03/2023 19:42

Jeez, you are being unfair - by staying with a lunatic who wished you dead!

And the reason why he gave, is even more terrifying. He basically told you he is so self absorbed and selfish he would kill you rather than let you leave/take his money/'take' his daughter. It's terrifying. You do know this is why men murder women right?

Annnnd then he ultimately turned it around so that you had to comfort him!
You ended up dropping things for a quiet life. Or in the hopes if one. But of course, that'll never happen - because he's an abuser op. Heads up.

Run. Fast and far.

NapoliTutti · 17/03/2023 19:42

You are being unreasonable expecting a man that idiotic to change any type of behaviour. LTB

Maedan · 17/03/2023 19:46

So he'd rather you die than divorce him and take half his money??? I think we all know what you should do, I really don't think I could get past that 😲💐

Andywarholswig · 17/03/2023 19:47

YABU to stay with him - he sounds awful

Pinkbonbon · 17/03/2023 19:50

Seriously.

When men talk about you dying, get the fuck out of there.

butterfliedtwo · 17/03/2023 19:53

floatyclouds · 17/03/2023 19:05

This is actually quite scary. I'd make sure I told people he'd said that to me and perhaps log it somewhere official.

Absolutely.

I'm sorry, but that's chilling. My mind went to the Watts case. He didn't want a divorce either.

CobraChicken · 17/03/2023 19:54

floatyclouds · 17/03/2023 19:05

This is actually quite scary. I'd make sure I told people he'd said that to me and perhaps log it somewhere official.

^ This. That's terrifying.

EggyBreads · 17/03/2023 19:56

Wow. There is absolutely no coming back from that at all. You need to leave him as soon as you can, I would worry he may hurt you.

kittensinthekitchen · 17/03/2023 19:58

Well, it's not an okay thing to say to you, but I imagine he's probably fairly upset that you're having a relationship with someone else....

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4759240-could-this-work

LovesaHoliday · 09/03/2023 08:03
I've been dating a really lovely man and think it could be something special. The only problem is we live about 45 minutes away from each other both with DC from previous relationships (him 2 x DS and me 1 x DD). Our children have met previously a couple of times as we were friends for years but since dating we've kept it just between the two of us to avoid any confusion. However, It's approaching the time were we want to start spending time all together.
That in itself is very exciting and I have no reservations on that but what is worrying me is going forward how do we make our lives work together whilst living in different areas? I guess my main worry would be if after a couple of years we want to live together, how do people do it when their kids go to school in different areas (we both have ex partners who have the children 50/50 so we couldn't move them out of school as that wouldn't be fair on anyone)? Has anyone been in this position and been able to have a successful relationship?
I guess my AIBU would be - am I being unreasonable in thinking this could work?

AaaaaandBreathe · 17/03/2023 20:00

He has been disgusting but turned it on you and also made you feel sorry for him!

Of course he wouldn't jump in front of a train, he just knows you're a nice person and you'd panic and make HIM feel better.

Get him to fuck.

AlwaysGinPlease · 17/03/2023 20:00

well rumbled @kittensinthekitchen 👏

GoodChat · 17/03/2023 20:00

@kittensinthekitchen she'll be back in a minute to tell you she let her friend use her account

butterfliedtwo · 17/03/2023 20:02

kittensinthekitchen I need to AS before getting sucked into commenting.

AaaaaandBreathe · 17/03/2023 20:02

kittensinthekitchen · 17/03/2023 19:58

Well, it's not an okay thing to say to you, but I imagine he's probably fairly upset that you're having a relationship with someone else....

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4759240-could-this-work

LovesaHoliday · 09/03/2023 08:03
I've been dating a really lovely man and think it could be something special. The only problem is we live about 45 minutes away from each other both with DC from previous relationships (him 2 x DS and me 1 x DD). Our children have met previously a couple of times as we were friends for years but since dating we've kept it just between the two of us to avoid any confusion. However, It's approaching the time were we want to start spending time all together.
That in itself is very exciting and I have no reservations on that but what is worrying me is going forward how do we make our lives work together whilst living in different areas? I guess my main worry would be if after a couple of years we want to live together, how do people do it when their kids go to school in different areas (we both have ex partners who have the children 50/50 so we couldn't move them out of school as that wouldn't be fair on anyone)? Has anyone been in this position and been able to have a successful relationship?
I guess my AIBU would be - am I being unreasonable in thinking this could work?

Just seen this. Clearly you are no better OP.

SD1978 · 17/03/2023 20:04

So he'd rather you died than share finances and children post a separation, and then tried to make it better by saying he'd kill himself....nope. That would be enough for me. It cruel and then attempted manipulation

AlwaysGinPlease · 17/03/2023 20:07

@SD1978 read the posts before yours....

JudgeRudy · 17/03/2023 20:07

We've all said nasty stuff in the moment but it's odd how he almost tries to justify it, then tells you he feels suicidal. Next day he's angry.
How does you generally communicate? Does he struggle to express himself. I'm actually gonna go against the grain and say that he's very very unhappy and desperate. He needs something to change and he doesn't know how to make it happen. I predict some stomping off (overnight?) with no contact or he'll smash/throw something in a rage.
If you think you're marriage is worth saving speak to him calmly and just give him the opportunity to tell you how he's feeling. I find men often prefer 'what's going through your head?'. If you're frightened, lost hope, exhausted and just sick and tired....plan to leave.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 17/03/2023 20:15

During our split exh told dc's school I was dead.. Had to get a court official to ring the school..
Very angry man op. Is he angry he is with you and not ow?