And its true, he does have control. Because the secret is, he doesn't throw furniture around because he's lost control in a fit of rage. He throws it around as a deliberate intimidation tactic. To 'win' the argument and maintain his control over you.
And his mask slips when you talk to him about it. Hes incapable of normal, empathetic reactions.
When he told you he 'only' said the ting about killing you because... the 'reasons' he gave were selfish too.
The things he says after his outbursts are just as telling as to who he really is.
Someone who wasn't CHOOSING to throw furniture or wish you dead, would be appalled at their behaviour. Would move out rather than put you and the kid at risk. And seek therapy themselves.
This guy isn't mentally ill op. This behaviour is just who.he.is. And he's fine with it. And that's fucking scary.
You'd be wise to maybe see about therapy yourself at some point. See if you can unpic how he has got you to stay so long, putting up with this shit. Maybe you have abuse in your past thats contributed. Maybe your self esteem just needs work after he's chipped it away over so many years.
But either way, get away from him.
Before you become a statistic.