DSS and X-Box

[Hop27]

DSS is 15, he stays with us on and off. No set pattern, just comes to us when it suits him, his mum. He recently asked if he could upgrade his X-Box, DH and I agreed he could trade in his old PS and X-box and use his (DH funded) pocket money to bridge the gap but he was short 150 so I gave him the extra cash. He has an X-box at his mum's but it's an older version.
He needed to pick up something for School whilst we were out so DH told him to let himself in to collect what he needed, and to grab any other 'kit' he needed (meaning clothes, it's the word we use, do you need kit washing for school / sport / going out etc) DH went into his room and the bloody x-box is gone. AIBU to think he should have asked if he could take it, and that it needs to be brought back. For one he won't come over if his x-box isn't here and I don't really want it damaged being bringing it backwards and forwards every couple of days. It's not like he can throw it in his bag for school like a pair of trainers or tee.
Or is it DSS's to do with as he pleases?

I'd say it's his to do with as he pleases. If it gets damaged then that's on him. Are you saying you only helped him out as a bribe for him to stay with you guys more? Is there a reason his visits are sporadic? It is tough as they get older , my dd wanted to see their friends at weekends not hangout with their dad. He definitely saw a lot less of them from about 15 onwards.

It's his Xbox. You can't force him to come over by keeping his console there.

My son has taken his xbox back and forward to his grandparents for years, never been damaged. And yes given he sold his own possessions to pay for the majority of the costs then I'd say its his to do as he pleases. The old xboxes don't support most of the games he'll want to play any more.

I don't mind him coming and going, he needs time with his mates. But I think it's a bit much to just take it without so much as a text to DH, by the way you ok if I take it?
And no it's wasn't a bribe

It’s his x box he can take it where he pleases. If you wanted an Xbox to stay at your house as a lure for him you should have paid for one entirely. He bought this with pocket money and the sale of old one. I know you topped up a bit but you didn’t give any strings attached with that.

Why does he need to ask permission to take something bought with the proceeds of his old consoles and his pocket money? Do you think paying the £150 makes it half yours?

Do you play it when he's not there?

YABU it's his xbox. He doesn't need to ask permission to take his own property.

I think it was a bit cheeky tbh. He traded in devices that were kept at your house, used pocket money from his dad, and £150 from you...and then took it back to his mums.

I think his mum would be a bit cross too if he'd traded in a device he kept at her house, used £150 of her money, and then brought it to yours.

I can see why he wants it at the house he spends most time at, but also know how hard it can be to entertain teens and now there is less to do at your house so it's less appealing to visit.

Hopefully, he's planning on bringing it with him when he visits.

It's his. Of course he wants to take the new xbox to the house where he spends most of his time. Unless it was more of a bribe to spend more time at yours I don't see what you thought would happen?

Your stepson partly used his own pocket money, plus old systems, to buy the new set up. It's his. Obviously he would want it at his mum's where it seems he mainly lives. Maybe his old one could move to yours as back up.

It will end up stolen if he keeps moving it

Also, let him do what he likes with it. He's 15, so if something happens to it, that will be a lesson for him to learn

I can't imagine many mums would be happy if their ds traded in devices from their house, used pocket money that they provided and asked them for £150 top up cash....and then took it to their dads, or their grandparents, or a friends house.

I disagree with most. X box's should generally stay put. Insist he keeps yours at yours. If he wants to save to help upgrade the one at his mums house too, he can save for that.

I'd say it's the novelty of having a newer xbox, he'll want to show it off to his friends.

Poor kid, I'd get a second one so he has one at each house.

Let him keep it where he wants it’s his. Not his fault he has to split his time between two households. Either that or speak to his mum about upgrading his other one at home. He’s 15 of course he’s going to want to have access to the better one as much as possible.

How?

If he was going to take it to his mums why didn't he trade in the older Xbox at his mums too?

Instead of asking for £150 off you?

It's his xbox. He used his own pocket money, ( don't know why you put dh funded), and sold some of his own stuff. Sounds as if you think chipping in for it makes it yours...

It’s his Xbox. Would you say the same thing about a younger child and a teddy? Same thing.

He wouldn’t have thought it’s an issue I’m sure, my DSS used to take his back and forth when he broke the one at his mums. He didn’t ask, but it wasn’t an issue as it just made sense.
In my experience it’s hard to prise them off them so he’d of course want it at his mums, especially if it’s the new one! It would just sit unused at yours the times he’s not there.

Did you tell him it's to stop at yours? He traded in, used his pocket money (who cares where pocket money came from) and paid for the vast majority of it. It's a new machine, why would be want the old one at his primary house when he has a beast elsewhere to use occasionally?

Probably need to let this one go but don't chip in next time if it's going to rankle you

Do you want to use in when he's not there?

If not, stop being so petty.