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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSS and X-Box

98 replies

Hop27 · 17/03/2023 04:40

DSS is 15, he stays with us on and off. No set pattern, just comes to us when it suits him, his mum. He recently asked if he could upgrade his X-Box, DH and I agreed he could trade in his old PS and X-box and use his (DH funded) pocket money to bridge the gap but he was short 150 so I gave him the extra cash. He has an X-box at his mum's but it's an older version.
He needed to pick up something for School whilst we were out so DH told him to let himself in to collect what he needed, and to grab any other 'kit' he needed (meaning clothes, it's the word we use, do you need kit washing for school / sport / going out etc) DH went into his room and the bloody x-box is gone. AIBU to think he should have asked if he could take it, and that it needs to be brought back. For one he won't come over if his x-box isn't here and I don't really want it damaged being bringing it backwards and forwards every couple of days. It's not like he can throw it in his bag for school like a pair of trainers or tee.
Or is it DSS's to do with as he pleases?

OP posts:
Vastula · 17/03/2023 07:55

If you posted that you were his mum the responses would be completely different

FatGirlSwim · 17/03/2023 08:05

It’s his, why does he need to ask permission? DS and DD take Xboxes between houses every week. Wouldn’t enter my head that they should ask, it’s their belongings!

gamerchick · 17/03/2023 08:10

Vastula · 17/03/2023 07:55

If you posted that you were his mum the responses would be completely different

Really really wouldn't.

OhmygodDont · 17/03/2023 08:23

I think since he paid for the majority of it it’s his to do what he wants with. If you expected your £150 donation to mean it has to stay at your house it needed to be stated at the time of giving the money as a condition of the money rather than it just being a freely given gift.

Im not surprised he wants his better console where he lives the majority of the time.

Chocolatetadpole · 17/03/2023 08:27

I mean it would have been nice if he'd mentioned taking it but I don't like the thought of him not feeling able to take his stuff between homes. I think if he was taking it via school that's different but house to house I don't see an issue.

I have step children and their mum was very clear when my husband offered to split big ticket items (PS5/ XBox/ phones) that she was unwilling to do this and anything she or her family bought for the children had to remain at hers so we basically have bloody duplicates of everything so that they don't miss out. I'd much rather my SC felt comfortable taking certain things between homes.

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 17/03/2023 08:32

It belongs to DSS. It isn't his dad's call.

Also, if he had asked, and his dad had said no, what do you think ought to have happened then?

blumppump · 17/03/2023 08:35

I agree with most that it's his and he should be able to take it from house to house.

However. I was the one who bought everything and I also know how frustrating it is that you bought them something and never see it because it goes to the black hole of their dad's.

So I can see both sides.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 17/03/2023 08:38

Its his property. Be can do whatever be wants with it.

Xrays · 17/03/2023 08:38

Vastula · 17/03/2023 07:55

If you posted that you were his mum the responses would be completely different

Nope they wouldn’t.

Marblessolveeverything · 17/03/2023 08:40

Is it his? There is your answer.

Xrays · 17/03/2023 08:42

I think it’s a horrible feeling for kids if they feel that everything they’d given / gifted etc isn’t actually “theirs”. My dad used to do the same thing to me and it made me feel really awful like nothing was mine.

GoodChat · 17/03/2023 08:44

QuertyGirl · 17/03/2023 07:51

Do you want to use in when he's not there?

If not, stop being so petty.

And if you do, it should have been the agreement when you paid the £150 that it's a shared console for your household

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 17/03/2023 08:48

It's his Xbox. It's up to him where he takes it.

Ponoka7 · 17/03/2023 08:56

The better X box goes to were he is the most. The other comes to yours. Your DP needs to get in touch with his Mum and make sure it has gone to hers, without any anger etc. This is an age were parents need to work together more than ever, especially with boys. If you want conditions on money/presents they need to be set before they are given. He's entering the young adult stage and that gives more freedom, but comes with more responsibility. So his Dad needs to have a chat about texting/communicating with him, just say that at first he thought that the house had been broken into.

Dotjones · 17/03/2023 09:05

"trade in his old PS and Xbox"
"use his (DH funded) pocket money"
"he was short 150 so I gave him the extra cash"

Sounds like it belongs to him not you so he can do what he likes with it.

blueyandbingobaby · 17/03/2023 09:07

YABU
My SS brings his PlayStation back and forward between ours and his mums ever week. It's his.
Very strange of you to be annoyed? I can't figure out why unless you wanted to use it while he was gone!

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 17/03/2023 09:08

You shouldn't have chipped in if you were doing it to control him

SD1978 · 17/03/2023 09:13

I'm sorry- I understand why you're a bit miffed, but it's his property, and whether you part funded it or not he should be able to take it wherever he wants to. He spends most of his time at his mums and wants it there.

Original poster
Hop27 · 17/03/2023 09:15

My AIBU that he should have asked,
the deal was he upgraded his Xbox that lives here not the one he has it his mum's. He should have done the deal with her, not with us. Currently he has 2 at his mum's none at ours.
I'm amazed that most people are happy that a teen takes something worth $$$ out of the house without maybe checking with his dad first.....

OP posts:
GoodChat · 17/03/2023 09:17

Does he have to ask to take his mobile phone out?

Richhandcream · 17/03/2023 09:17

You're missing the point Op - it's HIS Xbox. If he lost or damaged it, it's his problem. Presumably you'd have the sense to not replace it. He didn't need permission.

Original poster
Hop27 · 17/03/2023 09:18

He didn't take his new flat screen to his mum's last year...

OP posts:
SkyandSurf · 17/03/2023 09:26

It's his.

How odd of you.

He was probably in the middle of a game that wouldn't work on his other one and wanted to bring it with him to keep playing it.

OhmygodDont · 17/03/2023 09:27

Op… aibu?
us… yes
op… but but but

OhmygodDont · 17/03/2023 09:29

A tv is very different to the console itself.

The Xbox isn’t likely anymore expensive than the mobile phone he carries around presumably that goes between houses too.

Unless the deal explicitly was Yes DSS you may spend all your own money and sell your own stuff but then it still HAS to stay here. Then he can take it where he wants it’s his. Not yours.

You want it to stay at your house pay the full price.

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