Son & PRU

[DrainedNFedUp]

In desperate need of help and advice, I don’t really have anyone in real life I can speak to.

I am going to be as transparent as possible with this, there will be no drip feeding. So therefore it’s going to be quiet a long one.

I’m a single parent to my son who is age 13 years of age, I spilt with his father 9 years ago, because I wasn’t happy with his criminal activity, I am going to get into it now.

My sons father was jailed 2 years ago and he will not be coming home until my son is in his 20s.

He has been in prison a many times before, but charges have always been dismissed or he has gotten not guilty at trial, so his stays haven’t been long.

The majority of the time, I liaised with him and we both agreed to tell our son that he was “away” either working abroad or his native country. Which did work, because he would still provide the expensive clothes, gifts and money for days out and holidays etc from in prison.

The last two times, I refused to lie. I had had enough covering from him, and making out that he is a saint when he isn’t. DS finding out the truth did hurt him, but his father would always assure him that everything would be alright and that he would be home soon, and throw money at my son to make him feel better.

He promised my son that he would never go back to prison again, and my son believed him and that if he did, he would never speak to him and not want him to be his dad anymore.

So since he got convicted my sons behaviour has gone down hill. He has gone from that kind, humble (despite being spoilt rotten from his dad) caring and generous, to the complete opposite.

He has been permanently excluded from 3 schools, the first was his primary school. He was permanently excluded from his secondary school on the 6th week of him attending.

Fighting, bullying, being disrespectful to teachers, the last straw was him violently attacking a teacher. I managed to find him another school that would take him, three wouldn’t.

My son has always had the ability to make new friends and fit into friendship groups very easily, but I found out that at the second school, he was using money to buy friends. I was very disappointed in him, because I didn’t understand why he felt the need to do that. Before finding out from him that he just wanted to help them because their parents don’t have a lot of money.

Good few weeks, no complaints, I was beginning to think this was the start of him settling down.

Permanently excluded again, an attack on a student, teacher and damage to window.

He now attends a PRU, I am really not happy because the school is full of children with behavioural problems, so my child is not going to change.

There have been a few incidents just to name a few

1. He went on a school trip, my child decided that he wanted to come home, I receive a phone call saying he has run away and that they’re trying to find him. I am sat at home frantic, school doesn’t allow children to bring in mobile phones, so no way off contacting him. Luckily he found his way home. Resulted in a 3 day exclusion

1. My son was rude to and used foul language towards a younger teaching assistant, reason behind this he made an appropriate comments towards me and asked my son if I was single. Which is totally unacceptable, when I raised this with the head teacher I was told that there was no one around at the time (so basically my son is a liar) my son wouldn’t lie about something like that. Resulted in a 2 day exclusion

1. Teacher wouldn’t let my son out of the classroom to use the toilet; so he climbed out of the window and urinated behind some bins in the playground (classroom was on the ground floor? I don’t agree with him doing this; but I believe he should have allowed to go. Resulted in a 3 day exclusion which I think it ridiculous and a very farfetched

My son threatened to bring a knife to school and kill a teaching assistant (he has admitted) his reason behind it, said teacher is always singling him out and saying that he will not be going on the school trip, he has complained to me about this previously, I told him to ignore the teacher and that I’ll take him.

This incident happened on Tuesday was called to collect him, but due to the school strikes, I’m yet to hear back from school.

AIBU is to just withdraw him from the PRU and home school him, because his behaviour is just going from bad to worst.

Thanks for taking the time out to read this, much appreciated.

Regarding county lines victims; it’s the truth though, my son doesn’t want for anything. My son father has always made sure he has the most expensive clothes and shoes, that way no one “recruiter” is going to try and speak or bribe my son.

Please point to where I said your child was lying?

Although I personally tend to the Judge Judy when it comes to teens but regardless, I never said he was actively lying.

I merely said you have no idea what he gets up to as you are no supervising him and have no controls on his devices and you don't supervise or check those either.

Your blaming of the victims of county lines is still deplorable by the way.

Recruiters for county lines are far more sophisticated than you're giving them credit for. Having "the best" is no guarantee of safety.

There's ego, or prestige or even leverage different methods of they need his skills etc

@MrsHamlet

How do you know? Was your child a victim?

Your son is vulnerable to being recruited into crime by virtue of the fact that you let his "uncles" give him money and you've no idea where it comes from or indeed what he spends it on. You don't even know how much he has.

Your son is also vulnerable by virtue of having a parent in prison.

Your son is also vulnerable due to you not being prepared to actively parent him.

Your son is also vulnerable due to being in a PRU.

I work in a secondary school. I'm only too well
aware of what goes on. Please don't assume that having the expensive gear is protection. It's not.

Of course I'm not saying he's involved, but in my experience, parents' absolute faith in their children is too often misplaced. You need to parent him by checking his devices from time to time.

So taxpayers are funding your ex's stay at His Majesty's Pleasure whilst he, his associates and you have money to burn, and to find your spoilt brat of a son to follow in his criminal footsteps? As well as fund his special education due to him being a violent, obnoxious, contrary pupil??

Where the fuck is your sense of shame??

*fund

As in from the proceeds of crime. As in what you are living off.

Try getting a job and showing your son how to earn a decent, honest living??

You absolutely do not love your fictitious son. No parent who loves their child would be this shit at parenting. I love my children, so I give them boundaries and the tools to grow up into decent normal members of society. Guess what? Neithee of mine have been expelled or threatened to kill someone...

My child doesn’t want for nothing, everything has always been handed to him on a plate and I will continue to do so, until he gets a job and earns his own money, and still then I will give him a top up.

What if he doesn't get a job? Will you continue to fund him indefinitely?

I do not class refusing to work and being completely silent as misbehaving, misbehaving would be him being abusive towards other students.

If you were to tell or ask him to do something at home and he refused to do it but just sat completely silent, ignoring you, would you class that as good behaviour?

Well, no, he's already been recruited by his father's friends.

When he misbehaves and is excluded from school I’ll just take him on a day out somewhere nice.

terrific - he threatens to murder a teacher, so you reward him with a nice day out.

WTF
and you think he should be in a normal school because the other pupils are a bad influence on him?🙄

No I wouldn’t class it as bad behaviour, whenever my child does something he will always apologise within 24 hours.

The OP is demonstrating that she is a troll with every post.

Mumsnet why are you hosting this?

It's the same person who was trolling several months ago with different guises of working for M&S or similar.

So is ignoring you and refusing to speak to you good behaviour then? Does apologising make it OK when he is repeatedly bullying and assaulting people?

That money is not being given out of the kindness of anyone's heart. There is nothing "kind" about spending the proceeds of crime. I would love to think you are right in believing there is no ulterior motive, but surely if you want to protect your child you will be alert to the possibility that you are mistaken?

@lifeturnsonadime

I am not a troll; I have never posted about working in M&S, although I do shop in M&S.

@Rosula

I have had enough of you, I will not be responding to you again I’m sorry.

Post hasn’t been deleted because I am not a troll, but silly questions get silly answers.

Goodnight Y’all

OP I have worked in prisons for many years. I have also worked in YOIs. Having "the best of everything " does not protect any child from bad influences. Prisons are sadly full of young men whose mothers gave them the moon on a stick and assured them that they were never at fault. Your insistence on continuing to associate with a serious criminal element via your son's "uncles" is what will drag him down eventually.

What do you think he would do if you asked him to hand over his phones you could check it? As a responsible caring parent, you should be doing that regularly anyway.

Do you like chips with your steak or are there other pairings you prefer?

@DrainedNFedUp

would you op?

@PonyPatter44

He would give it to me, I’m 99% sure.

@lifeturnsonadime

I am not a troll; but if you are going to treat me like one; I’m going to act like one towards the accuser.

Bye hun

Your obviously love your son and only want the best. Nothing wrong with that.
I wonder if a parenting course aimed at teens would be beneficial? Alongside therapy.
I attended one due to my preschoolers behaviour and it was great.

Good luck

This has to be fake because surely nobody is this fucking dense.