Son & PRU

[DrainedNFedUp]

In desperate need of help and advice, I don’t really have anyone in real life I can speak to.

I am going to be as transparent as possible with this, there will be no drip feeding. So therefore it’s going to be quiet a long one.

I’m a single parent to my son who is age 13 years of age, I spilt with his father 9 years ago, because I wasn’t happy with his criminal activity, I am going to get into it now.

My sons father was jailed 2 years ago and he will not be coming home until my son is in his 20s.

He has been in prison a many times before, but charges have always been dismissed or he has gotten not guilty at trial, so his stays haven’t been long.

The majority of the time, I liaised with him and we both agreed to tell our son that he was “away” either working abroad or his native country. Which did work, because he would still provide the expensive clothes, gifts and money for days out and holidays etc from in prison.

The last two times, I refused to lie. I had had enough covering from him, and making out that he is a saint when he isn’t. DS finding out the truth did hurt him, but his father would always assure him that everything would be alright and that he would be home soon, and throw money at my son to make him feel better.

He promised my son that he would never go back to prison again, and my son believed him and that if he did, he would never speak to him and not want him to be his dad anymore.

So since he got convicted my sons behaviour has gone down hill. He has gone from that kind, humble (despite being spoilt rotten from his dad) caring and generous, to the complete opposite.

He has been permanently excluded from 3 schools, the first was his primary school. He was permanently excluded from his secondary school on the 6th week of him attending.

Fighting, bullying, being disrespectful to teachers, the last straw was him violently attacking a teacher. I managed to find him another school that would take him, three wouldn’t.

My son has always had the ability to make new friends and fit into friendship groups very easily, but I found out that at the second school, he was using money to buy friends. I was very disappointed in him, because I didn’t understand why he felt the need to do that. Before finding out from him that he just wanted to help them because their parents don’t have a lot of money.

Good few weeks, no complaints, I was beginning to think this was the start of him settling down.

Permanently excluded again, an attack on a student, teacher and damage to window.

He now attends a PRU, I am really not happy because the school is full of children with behavioural problems, so my child is not going to change.

There have been a few incidents just to name a few

1. He went on a school trip, my child decided that he wanted to come home, I receive a phone call saying he has run away and that they’re trying to find him. I am sat at home frantic, school doesn’t allow children to bring in mobile phones, so no way off contacting him. Luckily he found his way home. Resulted in a 3 day exclusion

1. My son was rude to and used foul language towards a younger teaching assistant, reason behind this he made an appropriate comments towards me and asked my son if I was single. Which is totally unacceptable, when I raised this with the head teacher I was told that there was no one around at the time (so basically my son is a liar) my son wouldn’t lie about something like that. Resulted in a 2 day exclusion

1. Teacher wouldn’t let my son out of the classroom to use the toilet; so he climbed out of the window and urinated behind some bins in the playground (classroom was on the ground floor? I don’t agree with him doing this; but I believe he should have allowed to go. Resulted in a 3 day exclusion which I think it ridiculous and a very farfetched

My son threatened to bring a knife to school and kill a teaching assistant (he has admitted) his reason behind it, said teacher is always singling him out and saying that he will not be going on the school trip, he has complained to me about this previously, I told him to ignore the teacher and that I’ll take him.

This incident happened on Tuesday was called to collect him, but due to the school strikes, I’m yet to hear back from school.

AIBU is to just withdraw him from the PRU and home school him, because his behaviour is just going from bad to worst.

Thanks for taking the time out to read this, much appreciated.

Op, I wish you and your son the very best. You are not parenting your son as showing him that actions have consequences. You ate overcompensating and thus is not helping him, as judged by hus behaviour. You hsve previously saud you dont duscipline him, i dont hit or slap my child but she knlws actions have consequences. Either you teach him this in a loving way or life will teach him this harshly. Refusing to work is behaving. You are minimising his behaviours and thst is not helping. Be his mother and not just his friend.

OK I'm calling it and am completely happy to be deleted. TROLL. Refising to work is not misbehaving? 😂😂😂 There is no way in hell this is real, not a chance. But you could be a great creative writer OP!

And yes, I've reported as well.

He has gone into school, he told me that he will work and try not to be a nuisance, fingers crossed he sticks to this, I will not be happy if I collect him to be told that otherwise.

I have booked our first joint therapy session, they thought it would be best that we go together until my son is comfortable.

@LostAtTheCrossRoad I do not class refusing to work and being completely silent as misbehaving, misbehaving would be him being abusive towards other students.

You are utterly deluded OP 😂😂😂

@LostAtTheCrossRoad

You can be as rude as you please and laugh at your own jokes, I bet you are sitting behind your screen with a huge grin on face feeling pleased when yourself, the laughing emojis explain it all.

I am so glad that horrible person like yourself never ever get the chance to come close to me.

This thread is like a step-by-step insight into how criminals are created. It's so sad to see a child being let down by both parents, splashed with criminal cash and allowed to get away with (threats of) murder.

OP I don't understand how you can happily sit and watch, or even push, your child down this path.

Not being abusive/violent is not the same thing as being well behaved, that's kind of just the expected baseline of being a normal human being.

Behaving in school would mean being polite and doing as you are asked to do, participating in classes, following the rules.

@WyfOfBathe

I have arranged therapy, it's the first step for us.

What else do you suggest I do?

My son has listened to me, yesterday he said he didn’t want to go to school - he went to school.

Today he has gone to school, before letting him out I told him what I expect of him today - hopefully he will listen.

@FilthyforFirth

Yep, I think a lot of us will have reported.

All of the things PP have already mentioned

• cut off access to the proceeds of crime & stop allowing him to take money to school

• check his phone (all parents of 13 year olds should be doing this)

• punish him when he's excluded - definitely don't reward with trips out, Lego hauls, etc

• get parenting help from an outside agency such as Social Services

• help him work towards a positive future where he can support himself without crime. Which right now probably means engaging at the PRU so that he has a hope of sitting GCSEs in a few years

On the off chance it isnt troll. Schools talk about 'good learning behaviour' as pupils are there to learn. This includes things like listening and doing the work expected of you, having the right equipment, asking questions.

So quiet refusual is not good learning behaviour.

OP, please stop posting.

I'll be honest with this one -I think ALL parents of young teens should be checking their phones, I could well be in the minority, but I think they can be such dangerous things.

So let me see if I have this right...

Father has a prison sentence of circa 10 years - therefore serious. Could be as serious as manslaughter or big time drug dealing.
Mother and son live in luxury. So wealthy that the son could, if he wanted, take private cabs to and from school. Very frequent shopping trips. Days out. Son can afford to shower his peers with money.
Mother does not work - the cash wealth she recieves is delivered by a 'friend' of the imprisoned criminal. No questions asked. Mother and son spend said money but 'not my business' where it came from. Mother very obviously doesn't want to discuss it.
Son has been excluded four times, brutish and violent behaviour, threats to kill.
Mother thinks son is 'generous and kind' and rewards him for said brutish and nasty behaviour with days out.
Calls posters 'Karens' for daring to point out that this scenario is fifty shades of screwed up.

have I...have I....taken a sharp blow to the head? This thread is one of the wildest I've ever read.

OP, I fear you're beyond help. You're not taking it seriously.

What area of the UK do you live in...? I just want to make sure I'm in no danger of bumping into your son on a dark night.

Personally, I would like OP to keep posting. It's just like reading a Martina Cole novel.

£21k per annum private school...where the hell was he? Eton??

£10 per day pocket money?? Access to £200 in cash?!? Won't drink tap water???

The kid's like a homicidal Augustus Gloop! This thread is hilarious!

@potniatheron

Majority of GOOD privates prep schools in London cost around £7k per term.

Glad to know you find this hilarious!

SEVEN THOUSAND POUNDS A TERM to teach a kid how to make threats to kill???

Up here we can do that for free!

You definitely need to be checking his phone.

You've no idea what he's up to in cyberspace.

All parents of youngsters younger than 16 should be periodically and randomly checking their phones.

It's a very bad idea to let a young person have access to the world of social media and the internet without parental oversight.

Yeah this isn’t real. If it is then there are some mental health issues at play. Either way it should be removed.

Every time you post I become more incredulous.

What does your son have to do for you to sanction him? Or course refusing to work is bad behaviour.

You're probably wasting your money on therapy if this is going to be your continued attitude, which it clearly is. You haven't taken any of the advice you've been given at all, and just repeatedly defend the indefensible. I'm sorry but according to the picture you've painted of your DS, he is utterly obnoxious, and will only get worse.

I am glad to say my son had a good day at school day at school today, he also apologised for the silent treatment he gave me yesterday.

The most puzzling thing is that I know he is able to behave in school, but all the while he has chose not to, but instead been rude and violent towards people.

I just don’t understand, and I am pretty annoyed that he/has been doing it on purpose.

He has gone upstairs to complete his Lego build, I’ve asked him if he wants help and he said he’d prefer to work alone.

@adriftinadenofvipers as above he has behaved in school today, so we don’t need to worry about sanctions or sanctioning just yet.

Calling bullshit on this, OP is on a complete wind up

Totally agree.