To think truly chaotic messy people don't/can't change?

[houseofchaosandclothes]

I have two small children, a demanding full-time job, a partner with a demanding full-time job and a parent with stage 4 cancer. (I also probably have ADHD but I'm stuck on a waiting list and not sure what difference a diagnosis would make. )

Yet the biggest source of stress in my life is my house. There are clothes everywhere - in laundry baskets waiting to be sorted and washed, in different shaped laundry baskets waiting to be sorted and put away. The toys are out of control. We can spend an hour cleaning the kitchen for one meal time to leave it destroyed.

I have read every thread about housekeeping and organising approaches in the world, and nothing seems to translate. It seems to take me twice as long as all these guides say it should to do something. TOMM is insane: fifteen minutes to do exactly what with a load of laundry? I can throw one in the washing machine in that time but sorting and putting it away will take me 45. We have a cleaner, and I would say spend 3/4 hours a week trying to scoop up the chaos enough she can clean around it. I try to declutter but every inch we reclaim seems to take a day and a half, and my limited annual leave and spare time is better spent with my parents or children. My husband does about 75% of the housework as he is much more efficient but we're still in chaos.

And I have spent YEARS of my life convinced I can change it. I grew up in a somewhat similar house. I'm 40. I have made half-hearted stabs at everything from flylady to a slob comes clean to Marie Kondo and nothing has changed and I'm starting to think that actually all the people who use these methods are not, in fact, the truly chaotic and messy. Or if they are, they don't have jobs/kids/sick parents/all of the above.

So I guess this is my question: has anyone truly messy and chaotic and terrible at housework reformed themselves? Have they done it when they have other things going on? Or are all these approaches just ways for ultimately organised people to get back on track and have nothing to say to the truly messy among us?

Before kids I just didn't see mess. Too busy reading/ working/ going out.

Once dc came along, changed without thinking really, as didn't want dc to grow up in a messy house. Also no time to faff about reading:)

I am untidy, try not to be. Declutter endlessly, but if its a sunny day, we go out for a picnic or whatever- sometimes being flexible is good.

My car is messy though. When it's too awful I seriously consider getting a new one. My dm and df were uber tidy. No idea why I'm blind to untidiness. I genuinely don't see it.

Poverty. Would help the problem. You have too many clothes and toys etc. If you only had what you needed you would have to wash and dry stuff most days. Toys should fit in a couple of boxes for each child. This would mean toys could be tidied up in minutes. You are cash rich but time poor. You probably spend time on SM so stop doing that and spend time tidying. I sort washing whilst watching TV. I get up early on days off and tackle the ironing while I listen to music. Honestly, if you haven't worn an item of clothing for mo the because it's under a pile of laundry you don't need it so throw it away. Less is more!

It’s ALWAYS about having too much stuff to fit neatly into the space you have, and not putting things away when you’ve finished with them.

I could never fold a load in two minutes, certainly not if I had six piles worth to do. I am shite at folding. I have watched videos on it and still can't decently fold a t-shirt. To fold everything nicely for one load would definitely take me 45 minutes. So what I do is, I ROLL t shirts now. Game changer. Fewer creases, more space in the drawer.

Things are so bad in this house that spurred on by this thread, I've cleared away the stuff from making dinner which would normally sit there until I needed to clear a space to make lunch tomorrow and DH called through "What's wrong? Are you ok?" 😂😂😭 Normally I only 'angry' or 'panic' clean.
This year I really need to get my shit together...

Firstly, as so many people have said on this thread, be kind to yourself. You've got a lot on your plate.

If the mess is really getting you down...

As someone with ADHD, I was chronically untidy. I found that when I was stressed or down I was even more messy than normal. I had to leave all my stuff behind after fleeing domestic abuse and the lack of stuff was life-changing. You don't need lots of stuff and stuff actually creates stress! I'd start with a ruthless declutter.

My bedroom was so untidy!!. I bought myself some new bedding and a blanket and that motivated me to keep the bed clear and tidy and looking nice. When something looks nice I want to keep it looking nice, if you get my drift...

When I'm cooking, I always clean as I go. The last thing you want is to clean up after cooking. The only thing left is dirty plates.

Its a lot easier to go from tidy and to maintain than to go from mess to tidy. Maybe hire a cleaner, or ask family member to give you a helping hand to get the house in order? I don't know if any of this is helpful to you at all.

ADHD does not make you necessarily an untidy person. You might be more inclined to be an untidy person, but it can be managed. Please don't be too harsh on yourself.

@Ihatethenewlook

Are you a robot? Also are you for hire?! 🤣

I know this is an old thread that has been resurrected, and I did read it first time around but didn't post. But I too have just had the realisation of each job actually being 2 if not 3 jobs by reading back through. I open the post, but the job is not complete until the post I'd actioned and the letter is filed/recycled. If I don't to that, it gets left in a pile and becomes stress, either I can't find the insurance renewal letter to action at a later date or it just becomes a pile of junk mail in the hall looking messy and attracting more clutter. Similarly I do the washing up but hate putting away the clean dishes, which means that I put off doing the next load as I have to clear the drainer first, so the kitchen surfaces stay messy. The washing gets taken off the airer but not sorted and folded at the same time, which just creates a pile of crumpled clean washing in my room. I had new double glazing, but the job isn't finished because I still need to paint the damaged plaster work, but in my head, I was done as the fitters have finished their bit. The new realisation is that I have to think each job through to the actual conclusion, hoovering means emptying the hoover before I put it away so I can just grab it next time, washing up means putting the dry dishes away, putting away the shopping means putting the empty shopping bags back in my handbag/car so I have them for next time. My mind is blown!! And sorry for anyone who actually knew this stuff and has had to read my ramblings....

Yes @Midgetwithaplan 'every task is two tasks' is a thing I have usefully learned from Mumsnet . I now say it to my kids a lot, to much eye rolling.

I am proud of myself this morning. The dining room table was so full of Christmas packaging / crap / pieces of toys / play doh etc etc. I felt v overwhelmed and grumpy. I put on an apron and tackled the whole thing. Threw away old dried up play doh and put the new stuff in a designated storage box. Filled a bag of recycling paper / cardboard. Made a drawer clear for all the pens and paper to go in. Cleaned the table top and put a fresh table cloth on. Put all the empty gift bags in loft to re use next year.

I feel so much better. Cleaning doesn’t come easily to me.