Differences between boys and girls

[MollyRover]

I've just come back from a morning helping out on a school trip, children are 4 - 6 years old, including my DC1. Myself and DH do this periodically so know the children well. Last time I did it was October.

One thing that really struck me this morning (haven't noticed it previously) was the frankly toxic behaviour of the boys, especially the older ones. Constantly trying to trip others up, pulling at the girls hands, sleeves, hair, pushing eachother, being generally rough and nasty. The teachers seem to pair them off with better behaved children, mostly girls, who are then afraid to speak up when on the receiving end of their horrible behaviour. When I told any of the boys to stop, they completely ignored me apart from seeming surprised that I had dared to tell them off.

Did I imagine this? Is this normal in boys of this age? AIBU to be worried about the girls in the group? It seems to me that they've already resigned themselves to being treated like this and they are just so little.

Normal school in a normal area of a medium sized city, you're as likely to see a brand new Range Rover Evoque outside it as a clapped out Ford Ka. Very mixed student base, ethnically, socially etc.

In all my years of teaching I've never experienced this to the extent that you have appeared to. Especially in this age group.

Let me guess, your dc1 is a girl?

That's what I'm worried about, I think it's not normal and want to somehow raise it but not sure how to approach it.

It's so obvious, I can't see why the OP bothered to try and it.

When I was at school the girls were just as much rough and tumble and the boys. We were all nightmares tbh.

In my experience, standing outside my child's classroom and waiting for the teacher to let children inside, the boys are a bit louder and run around more than the girls. However there's never any violence or nasty behaviour, just louder behaviour. There is a difference.

Teacher for 20 years - not my experience. Behaviour has become much much worse but it’s not as black and white as Girls Good Boys Bad.

Does it matter? I have 2 DCs, one boy one girl. If my son behaved like this towards anyone he'd be in serious trouble with me. I'm trying to raise my daughter to speak up for herself and others if something's not right but if adults aren't telling them this behaviour isn't acceptable what hope is there for them to know themselves?

My ds is 6 and is a sweet, gentle child and lots in his class are also like this. I have noticed in my dd's reception class that the boys seem to be more energetic in general, at parties they seem to be running around, play fighting and dominating the space but this is a generalisation.

Well yes it does matter because you are the one generalising the children's behaviour based on their sex.

You have a son and you say he doesn't behave like that so you know it isn't true of all boys. Equally girls can be just as physical.

Of course it needs addressing but I really hate this rhetoric that boys are the devil, girls can do no wrong.

I made an observation in my child's class, I'm asking if anyone has observed something similar. I didn't even say that all of the boys were like this, some are lovely and gentle just like a pp described her son. I don't know what you're getting so sensitive about. Should we just ignore this behaviour, especially if there's a pattern, and leave it for gentler, quieter, younger children to deal with?

For the record, neither of my children could be described as the above and while they're not perfect I do not blur the lines for them about what is acceptable behaviour towards others. I'm just not sure society will reinforce this in the way I expected.

Ooohh, you stir up a hornet's nest here, op.
You’re only allowed to say lively things about boys (only negative stereotyping about girl’s is okey).
I think there is a big, or at least loud boy mom group here.

Good luck op, it’s going to be a slaughter.

@CantAskAnyoneElse eek, wish I'd known about that 😅.

It sounds more like the particular school group/ discipline issue. I haven’t witnessed this happening myself amongst my son’s friends, though as others have said boys are more likely to be louder and more boisterous.

Ive not noticed this in either of my children's school year groups. DD now 16 and DS is 10, but I went on pretty much every school trip and school swimming lesson throughout their primary years. Sure they can all get silly and daft now and again (whether boy or girl) but nothing like what youve described.

Id be looking to change their school tbh if id witnessed behaviour like that.

I would suggest the defensiveness on this thread illustrates perfectly why many boys behave this way.
It's ignored or brushed away with "girls are just as bad" "boisterous" the usual excuses.

My DD is in a boy heavy Y1 class and there’s a lot of rough and tumble play from a core group of boys. But I’ve never witnessed any nastiness, it being directed towards the kids that don’t enjoy it (which are both boys and girls) or it happening in inappropriate settings e.g. on a school trip. Your DC’s teachers don’t sound great tbh, if you want to point the finger it should be at them for what sounds like a complete lack of discipline.

Do you think boys are allowed to get away with more then because people expect them to be more boisterous? As I said I haven't really noticed this in this age group but I worked for a few years in a girls' school and then for a year in a mixed school. I was surprised how differently the years 7 and 8 boys behaved, it was as if they couldn't sit down and took very opportunity to run around, touch each other, basically be physical. I thought this was hormones at the time but maybe boys are just allowed to be a bit more like this growing up?

We’re moving dd to single sex school as for some reason she’s become almost a TA. When we raised this we are told just this categorically isn’t the case then yet again dd is sat next to the biggest troublemaker in the class (generally a boy). Funnily enough she has changed from being a child who wouldn’t tolerate this sort of thing to a teenager who is almost being resigned to her fate which is why we’re moving her.

That being said it’s definitely not purely differences between the sexes as ds and his friends do not behave like this and don’t really approve of those who do. I think the issue is that some teachers are lazy and it’s far easier to stick the mischievous kids with a sensible (often female) classmate than to actually tackle the behaviour.

Ok, general consensus is that it's not normal. "Boisterous" and "Energetic" was really not what was going on this morning. I asked one little girl a few times if she was ok and she just kept giving me a sad little "yes" every time while holding back tears. Eventually when the teacher stepped in and moved the little sh*t somewhere else I told the little girl that it's ok to tell someone if you don't feel ok about something. She then told me she felt happier that the boy was somewhere else now.

I'll keep an eye on it, try and volunteer for as much stuff as I can (have to fit this around work) and raise it with the teacher if it turns out not to be a one off.

I was going to say this

As a mother of 4 so 2 boys and 2 also need a nursing sister/TA and registered CM I can't relate to your experience at al

Maybe don't help again if you allow this behaviour on your watch

My daughter is Yr 2 and the boys do not behave like this. I’ve had them round for parties and they’re no different to the girls apart from running around a bit more.

This. I work in a primary school and definitely not as black and white as this.

@Dyslexicwonder nothing useful to add?

Are you basically trying to say that already at that young age girls are being expected to put up with shit from boys?

Because girls can be little shits too - teenage girls anyone ?!?!