Differences between boys and girls

[MollyRover]

I've just come back from a morning helping out on a school trip, children are 4 - 6 years old, including my DC1. Myself and DH do this periodically so know the children well. Last time I did it was October.

One thing that really struck me this morning (haven't noticed it previously) was the frankly toxic behaviour of the boys, especially the older ones. Constantly trying to trip others up, pulling at the girls hands, sleeves, hair, pushing eachother, being generally rough and nasty. The teachers seem to pair them off with better behaved children, mostly girls, who are then afraid to speak up when on the receiving end of their horrible behaviour. When I told any of the boys to stop, they completely ignored me apart from seeming surprised that I had dared to tell them off.

Did I imagine this? Is this normal in boys of this age? AIBU to be worried about the girls in the group? It seems to me that they've already resigned themselves to being treated like this and they are just so little.

Normal school in a normal area of a medium sized city, you're as likely to see a brand new Range Rover Evoque outside it as a clapped out Ford Ka. Very mixed student base, ethnically, socially etc.

I gave up going on school trips as they became increasingly hard work and just not worth taking a days leave for. I had my share of lively boys but no real aggreasive play, just kept me on my toes. The one that really stands out was a actually a girl aged 6/7 who wouldn't stay with the small group I was looking after and was determined to do her own thing. At one point she told me in no uncertain terms that I had no right to tell her anything as I was not a teacher and not her mother so I could get lost. That was my last trip .

'The little shit??!!!'

You sound like you should be no where near small children. If your post it true snd I have reservations it's goady!

It does infuriate me when teachers place less well behaved/ able children pupils with the opposite though. I had to ask for my daughter not to constantly be paired with the kids that didn’t want to learn. She’s much happier now.

Great that it's not your experience.

This was not "my watch" I was there to ferry children across roads and count them, not to discipline them. If and when I saw bad behaviour I called it out but I don't know what else would be expected of me in that capacity.

Sorry my description of a nasty bully is not to your liking. Should I use more asterisks in the word?

These are 4-6 year olds and you are already labeling boys as toxic and little shits. I'm sure you would be up in arms if someone did the same to girls. But it's boys so that's ok to you is it? Yea girls need to speak up, boys also need to speak up about your attitude to them, I wouldn't allow you anywhere near my boys

I worked in a pre school for several years, children age 2.5 to 5. Not as bad as this but the boys behavior in general was considerably worse than the girls. They were noisier, much more aggressive, they found it more difficult to wait or take turns. I don't know if it is inate or it was the way they were being raised, but it was very noticeable.

I don't see this in my DCs class of the same age group so I would say it's a bit unusual to see it to the extent that you've described. There are quiet and lively girls and the same for the boys. In fact some of the little girls scrap like they're pissed outside a nightclub.

I agree. The OP should just stick to looking after her own child, the way she feels about other people's boys.

I've found the opposite to be true. The boys in my DC's class are more physical, but the girls (aged 4-5) are unpleasant to each other - excluding one another, saying they don't like each other's hair / clothes etc. It's really quite upsetting. I thought this didn't start until pre-teen years. I don't think you can make general statements about boys vs girls at this or any age - there will be different dynamics in every group and it's more about children regardless of gender learning about boundaries and kindness.

Well, at least no one has told you that you shouldn’t criticise because they might be neuro diverse. Yet.

Not my experience at all, mind you I do have 2 boys and cant abide a boy bashing thread

So, you realise it's not actually down to them being boys, otherwise your DS would also be a "little shit".

Barring and SNs, it's parenting.

I don’t follow your logic. If your DS would apparently never do anything like that, then how can it be a boy thing? It sounds like it has everything to do with a bad teacher and bad parenting, and absolutely nothing to do with the child’s sex.

Sounds like complete biased rubbish to me but hey, maybe it's exactly as you described. I really doubt it though.

I'd say most boys at that age tend to be more physical than girls at that age. That may be affecting what you describe. I'd also say, in my experience , just as you speak about your experience op, boys at that age tend to be very reasonable, non bullying etc when compared to girls. I've always put that down to girls being more able and advanced socially rather than girls being awful in any way. Just different stages.

So, we're both speaking anecdotally anyway, so doesn't really mean much.

Girls may ‘just as bad’ 🙄 but the point is males in general in the world have far more scope to antagonise and physically intimidate females than the other way around. So it’s entirely proportionate to focus on the behaviour of boys and stomp it out when they’re 4.

btw if your teen girls are ‘shits’ then that’s probably on you.

Just look at the way people are speaking to each other on this thread. No wonder it trickles down to children even from a young age

I think you get clusters of this, and it's usually related to 'boys will be boys' parenting.

My eldest son's class has always been pretty sensible and geeky. They've had issues over the years but overall nastiness and domineering behaviour isn't an issue and from comments my eldest has made, they aren't tolerant of it if they see it happen.

My younger boy's class seems to be tougher overall and I know the teachers have had to run a pretty tight ship; my son definitely mentioned it in Reception and we've had to be careful to nip any of those behaviours in the bud. There is a group of parents who do seem to buy into more stereotypical gender roles and their kids do seem to lead the pushing/let's chase the girls/not great behaviours.

The other factor I've definitely heard from across quite a few schools is that behaviour in the 'lockdown preschoolers' cohort - and especially this year's Reception and Y1 who lost a huge amount of their nursery time - is much more challenging than schools had anticipated and is proving really tricky to deal with.

You lost my sympathy when you started calling a 4-6 year old child a “little shit” and a “nasty bully”. Get a grip.

@UWhatNow 😆 okay, nothing to do with hormones then!

Sterling work, OP. Keep it up!

I have a DD6 and a toddler Ds and I have seen this in my dd's class with my own eyes (we can watch them in the playground in the morning for a while after dropping them off to school or at birthday parties) and from what I've heard from DD. The boys are not just energetic and boisterous but they are physically mischievous (for want of a better word). I can't really explain it but for instance they will get in girls' faces and yell. Nothing mean necessarily but just unpleasant and annoying. They pat girls on the head or pull their hair. They play games where they "imprison" the girls (by holding them against the railing). I've asked several of the girls, including DD, if they are ok with this. They always say yes. I have asked them if it's fun for them. They say no.

I don't really know what to do. It doesn't seem to be enough of a big deal to discuss it with the teachers but it worries me especially because DD is shy, very young and tiny. Quite a bit weaker than the other kids and definitely than the boys. I don't want this becoming worse and I worry that she'll learn that she has to accept stuff that is annoying or unpleasant.

I tell her she doesn't and shouldn't but it falls on deaf ears as she just says i want to.

So I've got no illusions that my ds is a saint or will be better behaved and that worries me as well. I can already see that he is a lot more physical than DD was. More energetic, yes, but he will also hit and scratch if he doesn't get what he wants. I used to think if DD was the exception and he is normal but looking at dd's friends I'm not sure.

I spend a lot of time thinking about how to make.sure that he is not affected by toxic masculinity for both his sake and the sake of the girls and women he will encounter in his life.

Not saying that boys are evil and girls are saints (dd and her friends and girl class mates aren't physically unpleasant but there's a lot of emotional drama) but if this is actually a thing and not just my personal experience then I do think we need to keep an eye on this and not just brush it under the carpet.

I didn't say he would never do it, he hasn't so far to my knowledge. If he did I wouldn't ignore it and stick him with a smaller better behaved child to bully though.

To those who think I'm making this up, why would I do that? What a waste of energy that would be, right? If I wanted everyone to agree with me I would have posted it in a more feminist board, surely?

I can’t say I've witnessed this myself, boys tend to be more active but that’s the main difference I’ve ever noticed.

Sounds highly unusual to me based on the schools I've volunteered at.