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AIBU?

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Original poster

School coming to home to view sick child - Normal?

719 replies

CandlelightGlow · 16/03/2023 10:59

I'm feeling really sensitive right now due to work stress so please be kind.

My 5 year old is off with chicken pox right now. He got the spots on Sunday, he's been quite poorly with it Monday - Tuesday, very sleepy, then very uncomfortable Weds waiting for the scabs to form. He's just started to feel better today but the school have an INSET day tomorrow anyway.

We just had a knock at the door, and it was a teacher from DS's school! He was very reluctant to come downstairs because he's only in his pants and thought the teacher was there to take him to school. She was very nice and said it's sad that they have to do this in this day and age but it's completely normal and they do it for everyone who's been off this length of time.

He's been off for 4 days? His older sister is at school so we've still done the school run every day. To be fair as it's an inset day tomorrow it will be over a week by the time he goes back on Monday. But I've never had a teacher come unannounced to our house to check on our child. Can someone reassure me it is actually normal and they don't think something bad of us! My poor boy is just ill. I've called him in and updated, updated again this morning saying he would be back on Monday!

OP posts:
Lovelyveg82 · 16/03/2023 11:56

What time did they come by?

What is your relationship like with the school generally?

ExcelHelpPlease · 16/03/2023 11:56

CandlelightGlow · 16/03/2023 11:11

I was actually in a meeting on Teams at the time, DS was very reluctant to go downstairs (as said, he wasn't dressed due to spots, and thought the teacher was there to take him to school so panicked).

My DP said he's here and fine but doesn't want to come down, teacher responded with "I need to have eyes on him"

WTAF. I'm devastated.

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I'd make a complaint about that.

NotQuiteHere · 16/03/2023 11:57

If this is a school policy, it is a very stupid one. What is there for a teacher to check? What if nobody answers the door?

JanetheObscure · 16/03/2023 11:58

I'm a primary school governor. Our staff definitely don't do this, but if its a whole school policy, then it's likely to be because they are concerned about whole school attendance. As you've realised, it's not personal to you.

Must say that I'm amazed that the policy hasn't been explained to parents and it really should be on the website.

starfishmummy · 16/03/2023 11:58

My DP said he's here and fine but doesn't want to come down, teacher responded with "I need to have eyes on him"

At which point I would have asked for proof of her medical qualification. And then firmly closed the door.

TwoHedgehogs · 16/03/2023 11:59

Flamingogirl08 · 16/03/2023 11:46

I wouldn't feel bad. Surely they should have told you that when they visited.

It's an odd policy to be honest, I would find it very intrusive.

Also in alot of cases it would be useless. For example when DSD is ill she may be at her Mums house, at our house or with a Grandparent or Aunt if parents have to work.

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That's a good point, our children go to their grandparents when unwell (unless it's d+v), are the teachers going to spend all day driving out to relatives? They might not live that close.

Dixiechickonhols · 16/03/2023 11:59

Good point about you could have been at drs too.
Teachers aren’t medically qualified. What if you’ve just given them a dose of medicine and they are happily watching tv or nuances - you think they spots need another day to scab, teacher thinks they are scabbed enough.

saraclara · 16/03/2023 12:00

I'm a recently retired teacher and I'd have reacted in exactly the same way as you, OP.
I'm astonished to read from a pp that this is entirely normal at her school. I have never come across it anywhere as a standard response to multi-day sickness. So I'd have read more into it too. Don't feel bad, and I'm sure you're far from the first parent who's contacted them to ask what's going on. They won't mind at all.

Comedycook · 16/03/2023 12:00

I don't think it's usual...my Ds was off for four days recently and school never said a word. I think your lateness might be a contributing factor and they think you need extra support

Iguanainanigloo · 16/03/2023 12:00

Also, meant to add, the day I had a knock at the door, they had tried to call me first to ask if Dd was still poorly, but my phone was struggling with signal, so just went straight to answerphone, and when they called my husband, he silenced the call as was at work in a meeting 🤦🏼‍♀️, so in our case, it was an obvious welfare check. I would assume they'd always call first before driving around to children's houses. Maybe they did attempt to ring you before visiting?

FlyOnAWing · 16/03/2023 12:02

CandlelightGlow · 16/03/2023 11:09

Very good attendance. DS had 1 day off for an illness and then seemed fine, was asked to pick him up the next day as he was still a bit tired and unwell. That's his only absence this year, DD even less.

I'm really gutted that it is in fact unusual as I suspected, we're a lower income family in an area with high-ish income and we live out of catchment so sometimes since DS started we are sometimes slightly late (still before 9am though).

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I understand your feelings.
It does sound like a safeguarding check and it sounds like the school have stereotyped you based on income. It is dreadful.

ForestofBears · 16/03/2023 12:02

DC1 is in year 7, and I discovered last week that it’s policy at the secondary school for a member of staff to come to the house on the third day of absence regardless of the reason/ frequency of absence/ whether there are any other concerns about the child. There was nothing about that in all the information we got when she started the school in September or anywhere easy to find on the website. I was surprised that they had the time to do that.

ShapesAndNumbers · 16/03/2023 12:03

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lieselotte · 16/03/2023 12:03

TeeBee · 16/03/2023 11:15

I'd find that incredibly intrusive. I would contact the school and complain. Getting the poor kid out of bed. I can't imagine how lateness would trigger a visit such as this. I'd definitely be questioning it.

Me too.

I would put in a complaint as well. Very intrusive. If it's routine due to history in that school they can explain that.

Wafflefudge · 16/03/2023 12:04

Surprised by all the posters up in arms about this. I have never heard of this happening and would be very surprised but seems a positive step and a lesson learnt following various cases where child abuse or neglect has been missed. If the approach is blanket across all children then hopefully authorities will spot issues if there are any.
Agree they should have explained the policy ahead of time though so people aren't unduly worried.

WhereIsMyRefund · 16/03/2023 12:04

I am surprised teachers have time for this kind of stuff.

lieselotte · 16/03/2023 12:04

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Being late is not a reason for a teacher to visit. And it's not a reason for a safeguarding referral unless there's some other issue such as an allegation of drunk driving (though I'd say that is more for the police).

harriethoyle · 16/03/2023 12:04

CandlelightGlow · 16/03/2023 11:43

Ah okay sorry I feel really bad now. Just got a call from the school after my message and they've explained it's whole school policy and my DS was about the 4th child she had seen that day!

I feel really guilty now, and as suspected I think my work stress had riled me up and made me feel quite defensive. No harm done though Smile

Thanks for all of your replies though, they really did talk me down.

Try and reframe it as a positive OP - your DC is at a school where they are proactive about pupil's welfare. Hopefully, this will help a struggling child in the future and it was clearly nothing personal to you.

Original poster
CandlelightGlow · 16/03/2023 12:04

WafflingDreamer · 16/03/2023 11:44

I've never heard of it happening but your best bet would be to make an anonymous post of a local Facebook group or something to see if it is actually your schools policy. Perhaps they have had a recent safeguarding issue and have implemented this across the board.

I'm a children's nurse and I would not be impressed at an Unqualified professional attempting to make a decision about whether my child was well enough to attend school. I'm not sure the school have a legal right to do this either

Indeed - she was very nice on the phone and did say "he looked really poorly bless him" - luckily for me yes, he had chicken pox so his illness is very visible!

OP posts:
lieselotte · 16/03/2023 12:05

WhereIsMyRefund · 16/03/2023 12:04

I am surprised teachers have time for this kind of stuff.

Well quite.

Original poster
CandlelightGlow · 16/03/2023 12:05

harriethoyle · 16/03/2023 12:04

Try and reframe it as a positive OP - your DC is at a school where they are proactive about pupil's welfare. Hopefully, this will help a struggling child in the future and it was clearly nothing personal to you.

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That's definitely the way I see it now you're 100% right Smile

OP posts:
May09Bump · 16/03/2023 12:05

The teacher should have stated it's school policy on the visit and made it clear what had initiated it. I think it's a good thing to have these checks - yes a bit of a shock for everyone, but children can be neglected or you hear the stories of children suffering / dying if a parent is sick or died. If it stops one child's suffering, they are welcome to have eyes on my child and I would thank the teacher for checking up.

Original poster
CandlelightGlow · 16/03/2023 12:05

lieselotte · 16/03/2023 12:05

Well quite.

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I think she works specifically in a pastoral type role to be fair, she certainly wasn't his class teacher

OP posts:
fyn · 16/03/2023 12:05

There was a news piece a few weeks ago about a school that had a teacher and an attendance officer basically driving to houses of children that were off and taking them to school on a mini bus if they were miraculously better. It probably depends on the individual schools policy!

dunroamingfornow · 16/03/2023 12:08

There was an awful case of a child in London who didn't come into school for a week I think it was ? His poor mother had collapsed and sadly died and he was trapped in the flat with her. The school tried to visit to see if the child was okay but couldn't get into the block of flats. The child was found dead. It's rare but it does happen and lots of schools have changed their safeguarding policies to reflect the need to see a child if there are unexplained absences.
If the school policy is a call every day of absence and that doesn't happen I guess they should be following up just in case ?

Sorry this upset you. If it isn't this and it's a judgement on your income then that needs challenging