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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School coming to home to view sick child - Normal?

719 replies

CandlelightGlow · 16/03/2023 10:59

I'm feeling really sensitive right now due to work stress so please be kind.

My 5 year old is off with chicken pox right now. He got the spots on Sunday, he's been quite poorly with it Monday - Tuesday, very sleepy, then very uncomfortable Weds waiting for the scabs to form. He's just started to feel better today but the school have an INSET day tomorrow anyway.

We just had a knock at the door, and it was a teacher from DS's school! He was very reluctant to come downstairs because he's only in his pants and thought the teacher was there to take him to school. She was very nice and said it's sad that they have to do this in this day and age but it's completely normal and they do it for everyone who's been off this length of time.

He's been off for 4 days? His older sister is at school so we've still done the school run every day. To be fair as it's an inset day tomorrow it will be over a week by the time he goes back on Monday. But I've never had a teacher come unannounced to our house to check on our child. Can someone reassure me it is actually normal and they don't think something bad of us! My poor boy is just ill. I've called him in and updated, updated again this morning saying he would be back on Monday!

OP posts:
Flamingogirl08 · 16/03/2023 11:46

CandlelightGlow · 16/03/2023 11:43

Ah okay sorry I feel really bad now. Just got a call from the school after my message and they've explained it's whole school policy and my DS was about the 4th child she had seen that day!

I feel really guilty now, and as suspected I think my work stress had riled me up and made me feel quite defensive. No harm done though Smile

Thanks for all of your replies though, they really did talk me down.

I wouldn't feel bad. Surely they should have told you that when they visited.

It's an odd policy to be honest, I would find it very intrusive.

Also in alot of cases it would be useless. For example when DSD is ill she may be at her Mums house, at our house or with a Grandparent or Aunt if parents have to work.

Rockbird · 16/03/2023 11:47

We do welfare checks when a family who has history doesn't bring their child or answer any calls. Or when we suspect that the child isn't ill at all and the family are away. But we know these families very well and we know how they operate.

We wouldn't do a welfare check on a child with good attendance from a family we don't have concerns about. We'd accept he had chicken pox, wish him better and we'll see him next week.

FrownedUpon · 16/03/2023 11:48

Safeguarding check.

Stemgenius · 16/03/2023 11:48

On one hand I am outraged at this. And on the other hand I can understand that they want to make sure he's OK.

Quite a few kids have slipped through the net since Covid 😭

But a knock at the door like this would cause me to spiral and panic that I'm on their "radar" for something. So I would probably arrange a meeting with the headteacher to clear up any misunderstandings.

(Probably while worrying myself sick, frantically worrying and having panic attacks. I do have anxiety. It is medicated and controlled but something like this could cause me to spiral!)

I'm shocked that the teacher would even have time for visits!!

Hugs OP. And get well soon to your DS. Hope work improves soon x

cymylog · 16/03/2023 11:48

mindutopia · 16/03/2023 11:25

That said, yes, I think it does make ridiculous assumptions about who cares for children when they are ill. I was ill a lot as a child (or 'ill' as I hated school) and I don't recall a single sick day home with either of my parents. I was always deposited at my grandparents like 20 minutes away because, of course, they needed to work. Would not being literally at home flag up an even bigger issue with the school?

This. DSis was single parent with child and frequently family stepped in to help her out - sometime taking DN to there's - because her then workplace was extremely difficult about time off and didn't allow wfh .

I never had this or known anyone who has - and my DC have been at schools under huge pressure to raise attendance figures however does mean in some areas it has been brought in post covid but I would check with the school what is going on.

sjxoxo · 16/03/2023 11:48

I think this is really really wierd… I’d ring the school and ask if they knew and what it was about?? If it was standard etc. If they’re unaware or it’s suspicious I’d make a complaint. I think it’s mega overreach and tbh I don’t know if I’d really want the teacher to know pur exact address? It’s bizarre. They’re not family it’s just school. Also just because he was ill doesn’t mean he is bedridden at home. He could’ve been at a childminders or relatives etc. What’s the point of a home check exactly??? I’d ring the school and ask for specific reasoning and policy.

Hochjochhospiz · 16/03/2023 11:48

CandlelightGlow · 16/03/2023 11:43

Ah okay sorry I feel really bad now. Just got a call from the school after my message and they've explained it's whole school policy and my DS was about the 4th child she had seen that day!

I feel really guilty now, and as suspected I think my work stress had riled me up and made me feel quite defensive. No harm done though Smile

Thanks for all of your replies though, they really did talk me down.

Don't feel guilty. The person who came to the door should have explained that it was whole school policy.
I think it's well out of order to insist on seeing a poorly child and making him get out of bed and come downstairs so that the teacher could get "eyes on" him.
I'd be annoyed about it.
I can see why they have this policy, I don't agree with it, but if they are going to have this policy then it needs to be clear to all parents so they know what to expect. And a person arriving at the door should explain properly.

Dixiechickonhols · 16/03/2023 11:48

It sounds a totally unworkable policy. You aren’t local to school so teacher will have had to drive (needs business insurance on their car) so say an hour out of day. Who is teaching the other 29 children?
Also if they come in your home they are at risk of picking up what child off with and transmitting to staff and children back at school.
They turn up and no one there. Nothing sinister just parents at work do they then drive to grandmas/babysitter/parents workplace - wherever child is to see them. So 2 or 3 hours on one child.

SmileyClare · 16/03/2023 11:49

Don’t read too much into op if it’s your school protocol.

I think in you instance it was unnecessary. Sometimes “protocol” needs to be actioned after some common sense applied.

A home visit from a teacher proves very little; simply that your child is indeed at home in the care of an adult. It seems quite a blunt tool to negate concerns over pupil absence.

Hope your son is feeling better soon- reassure him Mrs X was just checking how you were because everyone is missing him or something x

sjxoxo · 16/03/2023 11:49

If this is school policy I’m not surprised teachers are quitting. Ridiculous and over reaching. You don’t have to stay at your home address when you’re ill. This isn’t handmaidens tale!!

amberedover · 16/03/2023 11:50

Goodness OP ,don't feel bad!

Ok so the teacher who needed "eyes on" (WTAF) had several calls to make because of this over stringent whole school policy that they've not put on their website ...but how long would it have taken to explain ?

Stemgenius · 16/03/2023 11:50

CandlelightGlow · 16/03/2023 11:43

Ah okay sorry I feel really bad now. Just got a call from the school after my message and they've explained it's whole school policy and my DS was about the 4th child she had seen that day!

I feel really guilty now, and as suspected I think my work stress had riled me up and made me feel quite defensive. No harm done though Smile

Thanks for all of your replies though, they really did talk me down.

I think you reacted reasonably. Don't feel bad x

Iguanainanigloo · 16/03/2023 11:50

Did you inform them he wouldn't be in today? I once forgot to let them know DD wouldn't be in, and also got a knock at the door, even though I'd rang the day before to say she had a sickness bug. They said they need to be informed for every day of absence unless pre notified (i.e authorised or unauthorised absence that has been communicated via a form), otherwise they have to assume there could be another reason the child hasn't made it into school that day.

Hellybelly84 · 16/03/2023 11:51

CandlelightGlow · 16/03/2023 11:43

Ah okay sorry I feel really bad now. Just got a call from the school after my message and they've explained it's whole school policy and my DS was about the 4th child she had seen that day!

I feel really guilty now, and as suspected I think my work stress had riled me up and made me feel quite defensive. No harm done though Smile

Thanks for all of your replies though, they really did talk me down.

I really wouldn’t accept that…it sounds like the school taking a welfare policy too far. Surely they would only do this if the child was persistently absent or there were welfare concerns? Also, i’d be questioning why other schools dont do this.

LolaSmiles · 16/03/2023 11:52

I understand what you're trying to say OP, but there is no 'kind of home' neglect and abuse can happen in any home.

Happily though, I don't think this was a safeguarding check (in the child protection sense of the word). I think it's because you didn't call in each day and so were in breach of the absence policy, if anything it was more of a low level education welfare check rather a safeguarding check.
That's the case in schools I've worked in too.

In different schools the threshold for a welfare call has varied, but I've definitely had more challenging situations where we've had to send staff to houses several days running and then report to social services that we've not seen the child in so many days.

CandlelightGlow
Glad it's resolved OP.

If it helps, I used to think some of what was done for attendance was overkill but then I took a role that included attendance and it was eye opening.

ChocSaltyBalls · 16/03/2023 11:52

GandhiDeclaredWarOnYou · 16/03/2023 11:06

What is the attendance like for your son and daughter generally?

It sounds like a safeguarding check to me.

This really, I’m sure your kids aren’t at any risk but with the cases there are of abused kids falling through the net I’d rather the school did this even if I found it quite nosey/intrusive than risk missing an opportunity to protect a child at risk.

Zoreos352 · 16/03/2023 11:52

This happened to my exMIL about 6 years ago when exBIL was in secondary school. They sent a teacher round as he had been unwell for about a week to check that he was actually unwell and not skiving. He could see he wasn’t well and they just said that they had to be seen to be following rules. Even the teacher agreed it was unnecessary and went on his way. There was no safeguarding concerns or chronic absences or anything like that so I wouldn’t be too concerned if I were you.

EvelynKatie · 16/03/2023 11:53

This is weird. What if child was at grandparents, or you were out at the Doctors with them? What do they then do if no answer at the door?

cymylog · 16/03/2023 11:53

CandlelightGlow · 16/03/2023 11:43

Ah okay sorry I feel really bad now. Just got a call from the school after my message and they've explained it's whole school policy and my DS was about the 4th child she had seen that day!

I feel really guilty now, and as suspected I think my work stress had riled me up and made me feel quite defensive. No harm done though Smile

Thanks for all of your replies though, they really did talk me down.

I wouldn't policy should have ben clearly conveyed to parents so this didn't come as a shock.

I'm personally fed up with routine poor to none existent communication coming from schools then getting narked parents are unaware of things.

I'd also be worried about how they were judging illness - how are they qualified to do so - why is it appropriate to get a sick child out of bed - and what do they do when parents have no choice but to move child to a family members house - how is that dealt with.

TheAudie · 16/03/2023 11:53

this happened when I was a teenager (admittedly 25 years ago). I was 16 so above the legal age for being at school. I was off a few days sick: and a teacher popped round.

my mum asked why as I was never usually off, and I was above leaving age anyway: basically they wanted to check that I was ok and wasn’t having any MH issues or problems at school.

ÉireannachÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉ · 16/03/2023 11:53

I've never had it and never heard of it happening. The only way I could normalise this is by assuming the school has safeguarding concerns....

Stemgenius · 16/03/2023 11:53

I don't get how teachers have the time for this??

Wouldn't home visits fall under another job role?

londonrach · 16/03/2023 11:54

Unless a back story...it's very unusual. Is the school worried about your son.

TheAudie · 16/03/2023 11:55

I don’t like schools overstepping the mark: but I do think it’s good they do this so that kids don’t slip through the net

anyolddinosaur · 16/03/2023 11:55

If this is a whole school policy it should be clearly stated on their website - and it sounds like it wasnt. Also think it's ridiculous to ask you to phone daily when you have a child with an infectious disease who is obviously going to be off longer than one day. I think we had a phone call once when I didnt phone in early enough and I thought that excessive as I'd already said when they were likely to be back (something like diarrhoea, second day and then a weekend so they should be able to return after the weekend. I offered to take them in if they really wanted the upset spread through the school, not surprisingly they didnt.😀