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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH to stop grunting?

107 replies

GlowDown · 15/03/2023 22:41

I'm 36. DH is 43. Two little kids.

DH is really REALLY leaning into middle age. He wants to talk about road works with me. Naps on the sofa all the time

The thing he does though is he grunts. Especially when falling asleep but also just generally...loud clearing of the throat, grunts, grumbles, mumbles words to himself, says "errrrrrrr" all the time. He also sneezes so loudly it makes our kids cry...like 14 sneezes in a row.

Anyway its doing my head in. And I might have snapped at him to stop grunting and groaning all day and he said now he's not comfortable in my own house. I feel like I'm living with an OAP though

Do I sound unreasonable/stuck up? I'm trying not let it wind me up but GOD.

OP posts:
Ttwinkletoes · 16/03/2023 05:53

Tell them loud sneezing can be a sign of some long term disease eg dementia - instant cure

Flittingaboutagain · 16/03/2023 05:58

The moaning groaning and exaggerated SIGH just in my earshot ...makes me so mad. I do think it's attention seeking as my husband has admitted he's jealous of the attention the children get instead of him. I wish he'd see that this kind of pag agg makes me want to ignore him!

The worst though is the muttering under his breath to the kids that's clearly meant for me to hear!

Lesvacances · 16/03/2023 05:58

My bil has dozed on the sofa since his twenties, even when visiting family.
It’s bizarre.

I sneeze loudly because my osteopath said trying to hold a sneeze in is bad for my back.

Autienotnautie · 16/03/2023 06:06

The groaning I'd call it out and say "are you in pain?" Regardless of reply I'd say "ok can you do xyz" so everytime he groans he gets a task. Sneezing if it makes the kids cry I'd leave him with the kids to settle and go to the toilet or something. Napping what someone else said about going upstairs but paying the time back is great. Otherwise I'd just wake him and plonk a child on him if he moans remind him parenting is a joint effort. Also encourage him to exercise/eat healthily so he's in decent shape.

Macaroni46 · 16/03/2023 06:06

Must confess, I do enjoy a loud sneeze. But I only do it when I'm home alone 🙄

mickandrorty · 16/03/2023 06:07

I started meeting the grunting, groaning and huffing with an eye roll and 'ffs what now' every time, its mostly stopped.

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 16/03/2023 06:40

I used to work for a single man in his late fifties that used to sneeze like a shot gun. Made me jump every time.

When I was about 8 months pregnant, I told him to google catching a baby because his sneezes were going to make me go into labour. He was horrified and toned it down for a few months 😂

FurElise · 16/03/2023 06:47

My DH is a groaner and a sneezer too. He's currently suffering with a mild head cold so we're being treated to the extra delights of gasping for breath and general breathing struggles. I swear a cold will be the death of him some day. Because I'll smack him with a le cruset pot.

Fizbosshoes · 16/03/2023 06:48

DH has always sneezed very frequently and loudly. It makes me jump every time. The kids used to cry when they were babies but they're teens now, but the cats usually run away when he sneezes!🤣
My DH sighs and "huffs and puffs" a lot. We all just laugh about it

Rumpleforeskinz · 16/03/2023 06:50

When my DH does a loud sneeze, myself or one of the DC will say “Oh, performance sneeze”…winds him up and makes us laugh (else we’d be crying)

historygeek · 16/03/2023 06:52

I refuse to say bless you to a shout sneeze. "Nope, no bless you for that"

Fizbosshoes · 16/03/2023 06:53

FurElise · 16/03/2023 06:47

My DH is a groaner and a sneezer too. He's currently suffering with a mild head cold so we're being treated to the extra delights of gasping for breath and general breathing struggles. I swear a cold will be the death of him some day. Because I'll smack him with a le cruset pot.

🤣🤣
My DH has currently got a cold.
Kept me awake most of the night by loud snoring (annoying but NU )
Woke up at 5.30 for nose blowing etc (annoying but NU)
Went down to get drink (annoying but NU)
Came upstairs for no apparent reason and then downstairs to get said drink (borderline unreasonable)
Comes back to bed and starts phone scrolling with phone brightness on at 5.40am with intermittent coughs (unreasonable!! since neither of us needed to get up anywhere near that early!!😡)

DilemmaDelilah · 16/03/2023 07:16

I'm a loud sneezer. I can't turn the volume down, if I was at a funeral and couldn't leave the room I would still sneeze loudly and I rarely have warning that I am going to sneeze. Surely I can't be the only one? I am fully aware that other people sneeze more quietly than me but that doesn't mean that it is possible for me to sneeze less loudly. The best I can do is to try to muffle it. The groaning and throat clearing etc. I understand you being annoyed about, but not the sneezing.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 16/03/2023 07:21

My partner has COPD. It is self inflicted. He has been told to stop smoking many times.. that it is will kill him.. etc etc..

He constantly coughs. He sneezes without a hanky. He wipes his hand on his trousers afterwards. He grunts and groans. He dribbles all over his pillow, and mutters rubbish in his sleep.
This is a man who took wearing a mask to extremes and yet does not mind infecting the people at home with his dirty habits.
When he sneezes it sounds like he is shouting 'fish'
I fucking shout 'fish' every time he does it. It is one of life's little pleasures

WoeBeCome · 16/03/2023 07:30

CheeseFiend40 · 16/03/2023 00:43

Oh god my DH does the loudest sneeze, and there’s always 2 sneezes together, then a pause, then a third sneeze. Very exaggerated, very loud. Actually made our little girl jump and cry before! I’ve mostly learned to ignore it now thankfully!

He also used to do a really exaggerated loud groaning noise when picking something up that’s not even heavy, getting up off the floor, sitting down on the sofa, getting up off the sofa etc. I was always pointing out how unnecessary it was. The thing that finally nipped it in the bud was a video I happened to capture of our then 2yo DS building a tower with blocks. He bent down to get this tiny wooden block and made the same fake noise my DH always did. I took great delight in showing him this video many times, and funnily enough he doesn’t do it anymore 😁

That’s so funny about the video!!

HoleyShit · 16/03/2023 07:41

My MIL wins the Oscar for her overly dramatic, ear piercingly loud sneezing performances. Of course you can't say anything to her, because she can't help it Hmm

It goes something like this - AAAAAAACHOOOOOAWOOOAWOOOAWOOOAWOOOOOOOOO - OOO OOO OO

Oh, and she'll do about a dozen of the fuckers in a row -

thethinendofthewedge · 16/03/2023 07:48

What is it with men and their noises? Groany noises when sitting down or getting up, epic throat clearing, no holds barred sneezing, belching, farting... jeez it's just one loud noise after another. It might be attention seeking or lack of 'restraint' but it's a major annoyance.

stayathomegardener · 16/03/2023 07:59

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 16/03/2023 05:02

Omg!!! I have this issue, my DH constably moans and sighs. I absolutely hate it, I've told him bit he says it's old age. Tbh it's really starting to irritate me, I'd try and nip it in the bud now

Having had respiratory therapy post Covid I learned that sighing can actually make you more tired as its a form of over breathing.

Something to think of.

HamFrancisco · 16/03/2023 07:59

Nobody needs to shout when they sneeze; on the inhale don’t shout AH and on the exhale don’t shout CHOO. It’s not difficult.
Can you tell I have a shout-sneezing DP? If ever I kill him, that will be why.

cocksstrideintheevening · 16/03/2023 07:59

Mine has started to groan as he gets up or sits down and it is driving me to distraction.

bussteward · 16/03/2023 08:06

Logging on to report my 43yo DP whose crimes include:

• The shout sneeze, and I know it’s put on because he doesn’t do it when he sneezes in his sleep. He also kicks up a leg like a can-can dancer when doing it; I may amputate it.
• Ostentatious groan-yawns repeatedly, despite being on paternity leave with an EBF baby so he has nothing to do and sleeps all night.
• The daily parade of ailments: the numb toe, itchy finger, dry eye, hurty knee.
• “Eurghhhhh, my back, aaaaargh” when standing up/sitting down. Blames this on the children but in his rucksack is a laptop, iPad and two hardback books.
• Claimed to have “almost collapsed while blowing my nose, I hope I’m still standing tomorrow” … the night before my C-section Hmm

Seeleyboo · 16/03/2023 08:06

My ex-husband would sneeze so loud and not give a shit that snot, etc, would go everywhere. If he caught it, he would lick it. Made me so blagh. Hence why he is an ex.

Original poster
GlowDown · 16/03/2023 08:06

Maybe I'm seeing meaning where there isn't any...but I do think the reason it winds me up so much is it feels that he is trying to tell me how tired/ill/put upon he is. But of course if I say that he will say "fucking hell I just groaned slightly" and I think yeah maybe I'm being unfair.

He always seems to on the verge/experiencing/recovering from a cold but to be honest it never stops the beers on s Friday!!

He openly says he doesn't need to sneeze so loudly but he enjoys it!

Seems its a common thing....

OP posts:
fairgame84 · 16/03/2023 08:07

It's the morning throat clearing that gets me. Why? Why does it have to be so loud.
Why can't he do it discreetly?
I have asked him and apparently it's impossible to do it quietly.
It makes me feel sick 🤮

Beachcomber · 16/03/2023 08:08

Men and their noises - so bloody selfish. To my mind it's a vocal form of manspreading.
My DH doesn't moan and groan. He's very jolly and cheerful so I feel like a bitch when I often want to say "will you STFU for a bit".

It's like he doesn't feel he exists if he's not making some sort of noise. Singing, humming, whistling, clattering cutlery, snoring, sneezing, playing music really loudly. He even speaks loudly for no reason.
The house is so peaceful when he's not around.
He doesn't seem to understand that it actually has an effect on our relationship as it's so irritating and also smacks of male entitlement. He takes up more than his fair share of "audio space" in the house. I've had a go at explaining it a couple of times and he did stop whistling for a few days and then it just started up again.
OP you have my sympathy.