To just want to go home now?

[Angliski]

I’ve been in hospital nearly 100 days. I was dragged under a car and broke my back sustaining lots of fractures and a spinal cord injury. Some of you may remember my early posts.

im now in rehab hospital ward. Been here eight weeks. I’m desperate to go home. I have a 3 year old ds who is really starting to struggle with my absence, a business that is limping on without me where I employ a number of women and a home and DH that need my love and care. I cry from homesickness every day. I’ve learned to walk with crutches but still need a lot of physio etc to get me to anything like my precious abilities.

this is a residential ward and I’m lucky to be here. It’s nhs. But…. There’s only 2 hours of physio a week. The best bit is the hydro pool which I get one supervised session in but can use daily on my own to practice walking and strengthening the paralysed parts of me. It’s very slow moving here and very medicalised. I want to go home and arrange my own physio and hydro appointments and be there for my boy again.

they would happily see me stay here for another month. I don’t think I can stand it, mentally. I’ve come a long way from the crushed mamma on the bed and I desperately want my life and privacy back. I don’t want to jeopardise my recovery and I know it will be harder in some ways at home. I’m scared of that too!

not to drip feed, because the accident was not my fault I am likely, but not certain, to get help with expenses of my recovery, including private support for getting better.

has anyone been in this situation? What did you do? I have found a specialist neuro physio in my town and I think I can do exercise and hydro at my local gym.

AIBU?

Y YABU stay out where you have a care plan already in place
B YANBU to want to go home and make a plan from there.

I would suggest staying until/unless you have the home plan set up and ready to go. If you leave, then find you can't set up an adequate home plan, you may find there is no longer a place for you in rehab.

Oh my goodness that sounds horrific!

Home is going to delay recovery and be a lot more painful. Can you potentially see if you can come home on the weekends and back during the week

I feel for you OP, it must be awful. I have only ever been in hospital for a fraction of that time and I was desperate to get out after a week or two.
I would urge caution though.
I was in an RTC over 4 years ago - also not my fault and I was also multiply injured though nowhere near as seriously as you. I found going home very hard. It wasn't terribly well planned and I was left trying to sort a lot of stuff out myself once I was home. My DH ended up having to make things like handrails, shower aids etc for me because the promised OT, physio visits etc just didn't materialise. It seemed very much like I was out of sight and out of mind as far as the NHS was concerned and I did feel somewhat abandoned.
Like you, I expected help from my insurers etc, given it wasn't my fault. And there was absolutely no dispute about liability. The other driver was convicted quite quickly in fact. I did get some support, but not a lot - I was only entitled to half a dozen private physio sessions for example, and I ended up paying for a lot of stuff upfront myself, on the promise of getting the money back when the claim is settled. Which I probably will. Except the claim isn't settled yet, and may not be for up to another 2 years when I will (hopefully) have had my last operation. In the meanwhile I am massively out of pocket. I have had to give up work, and fortunately I have been able to access my pension which I am using to fund private care. I thought it would all be straightforward once the other party admitted liability but it hasn't been and everything has taken far, far, longer than I imagined. To be honest I am pretty bitter. If I hadn't had my pension lump sum and some savings to fall back on I would really have been in trouble.
I can totally empathise with your feelings of wanting to escape the hospital but if my experience is anything to go by I would say you may be better to sit it out at least until you are sure there is a good discharge plan in place. You get used to the support in hospital quite quickly in my experience, to the point that you almost stop noticing it is there. But you notice it isn't there once you are home. I was far less severely injured than you, in hospital for a shorter time and I was coming home to teenagers who were actually pretty useful, not to a 3 year old, but even so, I found adapting to being at home really quite scary. I do understand your feelings, but don't rush into anything.
I hope things look up for you soon and that you have a better experience re compensation and so on than I have.

@MrsAvocet wow that is a sobering tale. My lawyer did say he cannot promise anything and the other side have bene incredibly slow and still haven’t admitted liability- although the guy did report hitting me, he is saying adverse weather conditions made it impossible not to hit me - black ice etc ( this is not true as I drove over that hill at 40 mph an hour before he hit me- there was no ice and the sun was shining) . I hadn’t realised that we might end up paying for everything in the end , or at least, having to fund it for a long time without an interim payment…. I need to think about that.

I have been home for weekends so o know I can get around. But going home is also just making me more homesick and less happy.

You are wanting to get home which is great.
But is home set up for you? In hospital you don't do laundry, meal prep or wash dishes, vacuum or a grocery shop.
Talk with your allied health team about this and start setting goals to meet these in hospital
Ask about day leave or an overnight stay at home. These are really good options when planning to get home from rehab.
Has you OT organised a home visit to assess what modifications you need? E.g. grab rails, change the way your kitchen is laid out?

You say you have found a neuro rehab physio and can do hydro at the gym, fantastic.....how are you going to get there and back?

Most (all) in patient services are not going to keep you a day longer than they need, there's always another person waiting for the bed.

Ask for a case conference with your treating team and your husband.

@Missingthegore It’s a rehab ward so I steady do the laundry. I am on a specific food programme so I already cook three meals a day here in a wheelchair adapted kitchen. The OT say
s she contacted local OH at start of month and I am chasing now. Worst case handy husband can put up grab rails and shower chair himself - I don’t need a huge amount of adaptations.

family and friends are able to drop me at my gym, I’m already a member there and it isn’t far. I was coming back from there when I was hit.

I don’t know if it’s sensible but I would leave. I was once in hospital for 2 months and it really took a toll on my mental health (that was before I had a child as well).

Get them to set up a care plan, tell your consultant you are leaving. If you are only getting physio twice a week they can send a community physio into your home (that’s what they did for me twice a week).

Life is way too short, sounds like you have support at home.

Sorry this happened to you,it’s horrible!

No advice but just wanted to say i remember your original thread and I'm so pleased to read you are well on your way to recovery. It was an horrific accident and it sounds like you are doing well. X

Hi @Angliski i'm so sorry to hear about your accident 😔
YANBU to want to go home and have a care plan in your own environment. Sorry i don't have any advice but hope you get home soon and make a full recovery x

A family member of mine had a serious RTC and was in hospital for a few months with serious injuries which required learning to walk again. The other party admitted liability but it took well over 4 years and a whole lot of stress and heartache for it to be settled financially. There were a couple of intermin payments of 10k along the way but everything else he had to fund himself during that period, and as you can imagine, the rehabilitative costs were significant.

That sounds horrific, and I’m glad you’re on the road to recovery. One thing to keep in mind is that insurers dealing with your claim will expect you to do everything possible to facilitate your recovery, so I’d be staying out unless your care team agree you can go home. You could jeopardise your settlement, which you’ll need to fund therapies even after your home.

Have your team got a plan in place for you to get home? I’d start now talking to them about home adaptations and home care etc so you have everything in place when the time comes.

Is 2 hours a week for medical need or because they don't have the staff to do more?

If you have money to pay for physio privately could you have a private physio come to the hospital to work with you?

I've signed myself out after 24 hours so I understand it is really hard.

I think you need to plan to go home, could you extend your weekends to three days at home? Or one day mid week?

I’m two hours drive from home so can’t really do more than the weekend leave at the moment.

its 2 hours a week because they don’t have any more resources. They’re very anti you doing anything else with anyone else for insurance purposes so it’s not really possible to bolt on sessions to what you do here.

The problem with insurance claims like this is that they have to take into account whole life needs after life changing incidents. And that can take a very long time to assess, especially if you may need ongoing treatments to keep you at the best you can be. Ten years is not by any means unusual in the childbirth injury cases I know of (my son has brain damage due to medical negligence so have a lot of friends who went through it too through that community). I know yours isnt the same, but the fact that they need to work out what you will need for the rest of your life due the nature of your injuries, plus an award for what you have been through so far means it will take a long time.

Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Assume you wont get anything and work on that basis, its the only way to not be disappointed by how long the process takes and anything you do (and will) get will be a nice bonus when it finally arrives. I had to do this after several years of chasing and hoping.....I decided to write it off in my brain and assume he would get nothing, that we were on our own. Made it a lot easier mentally.

You have done so well! I am so glad that you have made so much progress.

I have seen relatively young people with neurological (nerve) damage from spinal injuries who now live permanently in nursing homes because they have issues with incontinence, neuropathy, pressure injuries, etc. Please stay until your doctors are convinced you can look after yourself AND your child. He’s at an age where he’s big enough to easily injure you and not know what he’s doing. Do you want that hanging over his head for the rest of his life?

Also, agree that if you do anything against doctors advice, it will count against you in your settlement. Lawyers will imply that you would have recovered better if you had stayed in hospital, so your award shouldnt be as much.

Worth remembering.

Its a month now, but it could make a MASSIVE difference later.

So sorry that happened to you!!

Try to stick it out a bit longer; it will pay in the long run. You can go home when the weather is a bit nicer and really relish spring time.

@Fraaahnces what on earth????

of course I wouldn’t go home if I didn’t think I could safely be there. Yes my son had the capacity to hurt me some weeks ago but I am now walking, all my fractures have healed, he and I know how to work and play together - what a horrible thing to suggest. No one ah sever indicated that I am not now fit to look after him. I do look after him each weekend with DH. How much more miserable would you like me to feel?

im not incontinent or at risk of pressure sores. I can move and cook and look after myself. I’m on minimal amounts of pain meds and forcing them to reduce these further as I just don’t need them anymore.

I have my first multi disciplinary case meeting - seven weeks in- this week, so will see what they say. It is a balance between my mental health, which is dire now and the few hours of rehab offered here. If my business goes down the loo I will also be in no position to support myself and I need to get home to be back at work. I can knit work here. There are NO private spaces and you are constantly interrupted.

Very hard OP.

Don’t do anything without talking to your lawyer, discharging yourself against medical advice could be an own goal in the claim.

This is a very good point.

I have chronic fatigue so my life is very limited. I have also had a few major surgeries. I am physically disabled and have twice weekly body work treatment for chronic pain, all funded by us. It’s very expensive and I’ve spent tens and tens of thousands of pounds on my health. Added together with other things like putting dd in nursery even though I wasn’t working, paying cleaners and dog walkers at times, we have spent more than 100k over the past decade.

I would stay where you are even if it isn’t ideal. You will be discharged at some point and hopefully with a care package. I understand your mental health is taking a massive toll but please don’t put short term gain in front of long term recovery.

I don't think it's fair to jump on Fraaahnces. She doesn't know you or your situation, obviously, but I'm sure she has your best interests in mind. If your doctor/medical team thinks you're ready to go, then go. Otherwise, grit your teeth and stay put.

The thing is though, that your mental health suffering as a result of this is part (or should be part) of your claim, and if it isnt you should damn well make sure your lawyer gets on to that. Assessment by a professional regarding PTSD, depression, seperation etc should definitely be included in our claim.

And the same with your business, all and any losses you incur with the business as a result of this absolutely should be included. That includes loss of income, loss of custom etc, again legal advice is critical on this.

I know that right now a month seems a long time but in a couple of years ££££ will feel like a lot more to lose in the face of all you have been through and the injuries have costs you both physically, financially and mentally.

Actually, thinking further, the desperation to consider discharging yourself against advice is evidence of your detriorating MH and needs to be documented by your health care workers and your lawyers.

Would it help to think of this last month as the fina battle of a 4 month long war? You have won all of the others, and you can win this one too.

I sympathise entirely with your situation but, as someone who has been through the injury and claim process, I would urge you to stay put. Firstly, it is often physically much harder going home than you anticipate it will be. Secondly, even if the other side do admit liability, they will try every argument going to reduce what they pay. So, if you leave against medical advice there is every chance that could be used against you. The claim process itself is gruelling and takes a really long time. You may get an interim award but a lot of the physical assessments won't even take place until much further down the line when they can get a much better idea of your prognosis. In our case, even though the other side admitted liability, the accident took place in 2016 and the compensation wasn't paid until 2021. I would advise you to keep a record of everything that you spend that is related to your injury - clothes, adjustments to the home, parking etc.

My husband had a car accident a few years back and he wasn’t hurt nearly as badly as you. It took three years of jumping through endless hoops to get his financial settlement.

As for the house adaptations, don’t under any circumstances let your husband do them. Insist that they are done by the council (or whoever is responsible in your area) before you are discharged, or if not, that you have a date booked for them to be done. If you DIY and for instance a rail falls off the wall and you fall and further injure yourself, you have no comeback.

I do understand how difficult it must be, but think of it as an investment in your future. At 3, your little boy will quickly forget you were ever away and it will be better for him and you to have you back fully healed.

Discharging yourself now will jeopardise your claim for compensation.