To just want to go home now?

[Angliski]

I’ve been in hospital nearly 100 days. I was dragged under a car and broke my back sustaining lots of fractures and a spinal cord injury. Some of you may remember my early posts.

im now in rehab hospital ward. Been here eight weeks. I’m desperate to go home. I have a 3 year old ds who is really starting to struggle with my absence, a business that is limping on without me where I employ a number of women and a home and DH that need my love and care. I cry from homesickness every day. I’ve learned to walk with crutches but still need a lot of physio etc to get me to anything like my precious abilities.

this is a residential ward and I’m lucky to be here. It’s nhs. But…. There’s only 2 hours of physio a week. The best bit is the hydro pool which I get one supervised session in but can use daily on my own to practice walking and strengthening the paralysed parts of me. It’s very slow moving here and very medicalised. I want to go home and arrange my own physio and hydro appointments and be there for my boy again.

they would happily see me stay here for another month. I don’t think I can stand it, mentally. I’ve come a long way from the crushed mamma on the bed and I desperately want my life and privacy back. I don’t want to jeopardise my recovery and I know it will be harder in some ways at home. I’m scared of that too!

not to drip feed, because the accident was not my fault I am likely, but not certain, to get help with expenses of my recovery, including private support for getting better.

has anyone been in this situation? What did you do? I have found a specialist neuro physio in my town and I think I can do exercise and hydro at my local gym.

AIBU?

Y YABU stay out where you have a care plan already in place
B YANBU to want to go home and make a plan from there.

I have just read all your posts OP and I'm so so pleased you can go home to your family. It broke my heart reading how your little one cries for you. I wish you all well for the future xx

so pleased to hear this @Angliski
best of luck

You have been given advice by medical professionals. If you have problems later on in life and decide that those problems are as a result of this incident and I'm assuming here that there has been or will be an insurance claim you may find the insurers unsympathetic if it can be shown that you ignored advice given in good faith.

I think I can do exercise and hydro at my local gym.

In your circumstance, the gym will almost certainly refuse to let you use the facilities in case they were held liable for any slips or injuries (to you or other users)

If you've have a claim, they've admitted liability, you can ask for an interim payment for expenses. It's in the insurers interests to get you better quickly which will save, hopefully, more expense down the line. Claims can take between 3 - 5 years though. Good luck hope you make as good a recovery as possible.

Oh sweetheart; I actually completely know how you feel. When my boys were 7, 5 & 3 I was paralysed by my immune system attacking my spinal cord. I spent 126 days in the JR in Oxford (over 150 miles away from home), then a further 8 weeks in an inpatient neurological rehabilitation.

As someone who's been there, I would urge you to please do the rehab and stick it out. Unless your mental health is on the floor, it's worth getting through it as, for me at least, my experience in the community was virtually nonexistent.

I'm so sorry you're going through this; please let me know if you have any questions.

@onlyboysinthehouse wow thank you. I tried to PM you but it says your user name isn’t valid or something. Please can you message me? Were you at Stoke?

im not relying on community. I am just moving my rehab to outpatient with private physio instead so i can recover from home. This thread has given me pause for thought and I may have a chat with the team on Monday about extending for maybe a few extra weeks. Let’s see.

OP, you definitely need a care plan in place. You've been away so long you've probably forgotten a lot of the very basic things you need to be able to do to live independently. But I totally get that you need a timetable to get home.
Re: money - yes you may get a large sum for support, but a friend went though similar with her DH and it took well over four years to come through. Do you have enough money to be able to afford the cost of your rehab privately upfront?
Could you pay for a one off private assessment to get a sense of the goals you need to hit to get home?
I'm so sorry you've been through this, especially with such s young DS. It's been a long time to be apart but do think of all the many years you have ahead of you too

I remember your first thread OP and I’ve thought about you several times since and hoped you were doing okay. Im pleased you’re getting discharged now, it must be torture being away from your DC.

I’m pretty sure that my friend was 6 months in hospital or inpatient rehab after her crash (broken neck two places) so you’re doing well on your time line so far.

I wish you all the best for a continued recovery.

(If you don’t mind me asking though - is your solicitor pursuing one, or multiple defendants for your claim? I was a PI paralegal back in the day so I’d just be interested to see how it’s being dealt with but don’t answer me if you don’t want to!)

Oh great news that you can leave next Friday.

I wonder why they hadnt communicated discharge soon was a possibility in the first place? save you all the stress of thinking you'd have to discharge yourself, it all seems so unnecessary and added worry you could do without.

If you can manage at home and have necessary adaptions regarding mobilising and bathing etc (or maybe have a bungalow) then it really is obvious you need to be at home if your clinical status has progressed as much as it can and the rest is physio only.

Best of luck. Please make sure they have liaised with community nurses so they'll be available for support should you need it.

Stoke Mandeville? Ha! that's a name I haven't heard for a long time!
My friend (spinal injured following RTA) was an inpatient for 6 1/2 - 7 months? So 100 days isn't too bad. Same issue as you towards the end, felt it was time to leave / my friend becoming increasingly institutionalised. Had a number of mulitdisp reviews and weekend visits and finally left slightly early as we wanted to get on with well, life. However, because of this, the outpatient care plan was not properly implemented in time (by the utterly inept hospital social worker) and I can't begin tell you the problems that caused for us. Looking back, we should've hung on for the last few weeks so i's could be dotted and t's crossed.
You're not unreasonable to be desperate to leave, but I voted YABU because you NEED a care plan (irrespective of how resourceful and determined you are!)
Maybe think of it this way, you'll heal much faster there and when you're ready to leave, they'll more than happily let you go cos they really need the beds!

I wish! People keep saying wait for your care plan.

but There is no care plan, they’ve confirmed I don’t need one. This wouldn’t change no matter how long I stayed.

There is a referral to gp for my meds , an eight week wait for some crutches ( buying my own) and a referral to nhs physio which is taking 6 weeks to triage but isn’t relevant as I’m using insurance Money from the bloke who hit me to pay for private.

After two days with DH and ds I am wondering if I do actually need to stay in rehab a bit longer. It isn’t the physical stuff so much as the fatigue. I sleep badly then up for breakfast and dressing with toddler at 6, play and outdoors and the stamina for those activities then bedtime routine. Once I am out of here it will be relentless - maybe I do still need rest, quiet and focus for a couple more weeks. Never thought I would say that …. But as many of you have said, maybe sticking it out a bit longer wouldn’t kill me and might give me a bit ore restorative time

Hi OP, I remember your original post. Its good to hear how things have progressed.

I would say that the questions and doubts you have sound v real. In the circumstances I would stay put for a little longer. I can't imagine the pain of being away from family but rest/sleep aids with the healing process. 💐

@Angliski I'm quite relieved by your most recent post. I've had a recent hospital stay, several weeks, not months like you, but not for the first time and coming home full time is NOTHING like weekend leave.

I completely get how you feel, after a few weeks my mental health suffers hugely as it's so isolating being in hospital.

Do you have anyone who could move in short to mid term to help? I was lucky my mum was able to help out briefly each time as an overlap as there's no way I'd have coped otherwise. It takes a lot to adapt to the independence of home.

Wishing you very well and a continued recovery x

@Nugg no we don’t have any help of that kind unfortunately but I might be able to arrange a few hours a week with a housekeeper.

I’ve found this weekend that my anxiety is going through the roof. I think weaning off morphine has unmasked the grief and stress and fear of a major trauma- I was really positive up until now with a few blips but it’s all kicking in now.

One of the main drivers for getting you help and access to support/treatment at home is the fact that you are an inpatient. It is therefore unfortunately very likely that were you to leave early, almost none of that support would be forthcoming and you'd be left without half the things you actually need.

Hard though it is, I think you need to stay until they are all agreed that it is the appropriate course AND everything is in place for you.

This is why you need a comprehensive discharge package organising. You'll need carers and spinal outreach or community nurses to monitor your recovery and facilitate whatever support and backup you need.

Yes great pay for a cleaner or whatever but your current team will need to liaise with community services to ensure you have the correct support in place for a safe discharge.

Friends and family will say to let them know of they can help so give them jobs, say yes great if they could compile some kind of rota to take dc to nursery or have them for tea to give you a break.

It's a massive task to go home after major surgery, you'll be exhausted drained and anxious so make sure you have as much help in place to help with the transition.

Maybe wait a couple more weeks then try a three day weekend at home? Build it up slowly if this is possible. You do need to put yourself before even your child at the moment, knowing they are safe at home with your dh.

DH expected to come home and slot into family life but quickly realised he was very easily fatigued and needed a lot of rest. That will be harder with a toddler around. As I said he improved enormously at home against in the rehab, but he didn’t have a full on toddler to deal with, which can be hard work without your injuries.

Have you had any sort of counselling after the accident? If not talk to your doctor about that, and you may find you need anxiety meds short term. You’ve been through a massive trauma and need to address the psychological side as well as the physical

All referrals are done. There is no care plan from the discharge perspective beyond the referrals. I’ve been doing three day and three and a half day weekends. It’s knackering. I’m just so overwhelmed.

That is understandable op

organise some care or a housekeeper

It's still really early days @Angliski
It sounds like you are putting yourself under a lot of pressure to get back to something approaching normal life when you are still in the early stages of recovery. It is completely understandable, when you have your little boy, your business and employees on your mind, but honestly, you need to put your recovery first. In the long term this will benefit other people as well as you - it isn't selfish to put yourself first.
I'm sure your physios etc have talked to you about pacing. I am absolutely rubbish at this - I still overdo things and set myself back - but I have learned the hard way that they are right. Taking things steady and playing the long game does lead to more rapid progress overall.
You have had a truly horrific experience and you need time to heal. There's pros and cons to doing that at home or in a hospital setting, but either way you need support. It's not always easy to accept that. I found it really hard to accept what had happened to me and that I couldn't control things, as I am somewhat of a control freak. Being reliant on others didn't come easy to me. I suspect you may be similar. But I had to learn (again, the hard way) that whilst will power is important, there are some things that you just can't power through. I won't go into details because I don't want to make the conversation about me, but I did a few really stupid things early in my recovery because I thought if I had a positive enough attitude I could just make problems go away. It didn't work. It's normal to feel tired, overwhelmed and confused. It's not a weakness, it's just how things go when really shitty stuff happens to you. You don't have to be strong for everyone else - put yourself first now.

Op you need to be asking for some more help.if only for how the emotional side of this will then effect you physically. You need councillor maybe and or just some home care for adjustment support.
See what's available in your local area.charities even.