To just want to go home now?

[Angliski]

I’ve been in hospital nearly 100 days. I was dragged under a car and broke my back sustaining lots of fractures and a spinal cord injury. Some of you may remember my early posts.

im now in rehab hospital ward. Been here eight weeks. I’m desperate to go home. I have a 3 year old ds who is really starting to struggle with my absence, a business that is limping on without me where I employ a number of women and a home and DH that need my love and care. I cry from homesickness every day. I’ve learned to walk with crutches but still need a lot of physio etc to get me to anything like my precious abilities.

this is a residential ward and I’m lucky to be here. It’s nhs. But…. There’s only 2 hours of physio a week. The best bit is the hydro pool which I get one supervised session in but can use daily on my own to practice walking and strengthening the paralysed parts of me. It’s very slow moving here and very medicalised. I want to go home and arrange my own physio and hydro appointments and be there for my boy again.

they would happily see me stay here for another month. I don’t think I can stand it, mentally. I’ve come a long way from the crushed mamma on the bed and I desperately want my life and privacy back. I don’t want to jeopardise my recovery and I know it will be harder in some ways at home. I’m scared of that too!

not to drip feed, because the accident was not my fault I am likely, but not certain, to get help with expenses of my recovery, including private support for getting better.

has anyone been in this situation? What did you do? I have found a specialist neuro physio in my town and I think I can do exercise and hydro at my local gym.

AIBU?

Y YABU stay out where you have a care plan already in place
B YANBU to want to go home and make a plan from there.

i haven't read full thread but do agree with first person who said be cautious - it can feel like you are ready when you really are not. BUT - is there any possibility of having an overnight at home, so that you also experience the reality of being at home? it may help mentally to be there, and also to realise that home is very different to rehab. They may be willign to support a day or overnight visit. ....

Honestly if you can do it at home I’d do it at home. You just need to talk to your legal team and your medical team. Ask them what an inpatient stay is adding to what you can do at home.

Its hard to make the commitment needed for physio etc if you’re feeling this sad.

Bless you. What a difficult time you’ve had.

You wouldn't be in hospital if you didn't need to be there. Hospital beds are like gold dust including specialist rehab beds. Let medical/nursing staff onow that you're struggling. They must have counselling etc for these lind of situations. I can imagine it's very common for long term patients to suffer with their mental health. I hope you are discharged soon.

Hi OP, I’m pleased to hear you are recovering and making good progress. I would be inclined to stay in and go home for weekends. I don’t know if you are up to it, but The World I Fell Out Of by Melanie Reid is a great book about her experiences of suffering a spinal injury and spending a year on a spinal unit. Clearly her injury is so much worse than yours, but sometimes I think that can help you put things in perspective and realise the benefits of staying in for now. I also agree with others, the legal team will certainly take the length of time you are an in patient as evidence when considering the level of your compensation. Whatever you decide, I wish you well with your recovery.

I am someone with severe permanent mobility disability. To know if it's reasonable you need to think of every part of your life at home and think of how you can accomplish things (sometimes thinking outside the box) by yourself. Every contingency.
It is not reasonable to have your family endlessly do things for you, having them reorganise cupboards etc once should be enough for you to cope unless you're having visiting paid help to help you. OTs would have you doing things potentially in a completely different way, but how are YOU going to reasonably do them?
Make a list of everything that you need to do and how you're going to do them - then you'll have your answer.
Be harsh on yourself, be realistic and you'll know

OP has your claim been sent by your solicitor to an agency ro arrange your medico legal reports ?

The temperature of the pool and the lack of other people thrashing about swimming is what makes hydro so worthwhile. A lot of people imagine they will continue hydro sessions outside of a dedicated hydro pool, but find the water is too cold, or it's just a faff to get there and do it. I would stay where you are and really maximise your use of the pool, and see your family for more visits.

I have no useful advice, just want to send you much love and sympathy, OP. In general, I would think gritting your teeth and continuing in the short term is likely to do more good than going home now. You don’t want to look back in a year and think “If only I had stayed the extra few weeks”. But oh so difficult now. Best of luck xx

No advice but I remember your story and I was thinking about you the other day when I was driving in snow. You have such a fighter spirit!

Have no experience or wisdom to add just wanted to wish you well and a full recovery in time.
Keep pushing your solicitor to keep pushing the other side. I supported a friend through a claim and her solicitor was on top of it the whole time and got interim payments for her for therapy.

You just need to talk to your medical team and tell them you feel ready for discharge and will they please facilitate this.
It would seem crazy to be using up a rehab bed for the sake of physio once a week. If you feel able to manage at home and don't have any ongoing continence or wound issues I've no idea why they aren't in agreement that home is the best place for you.

Have no useful advice but wanted to offer you my sympathies, I know how frustrating it must be.
Wishing you a fast recovery 💐

Everyone here gets physio twice a week. That is what the beds are being used for. We all get the same. I appreciate beds are gold dust that’s why I want to release one.

physically I’ve been home several times and I know I can cope.

I think the question - what am I getting from an inpatient stay is the right one to ask them. I haven’t and won’t detail where I am at here with regard to the legals because I need to protect privacy - and my claim- let me assure you it’s in hand. I won’t say any more on a public forum.

The weekends aren’t cutting it. My kid is waking up screaming for mummy. It took many years to have him and I have missed nearly 100 bedtimes.

@Bigbus incredibly helpful thank you.

Physiotherapy is not just what you have done for you, but also what you do yourself and as a HCP i know how rare opportunities for rehab are. Especially your hydro sessions.
It sounds like you have lost your motivation and that is understandable after so long away from your little one and your home.
I would recommend using your MDT meeting to ask the further questions.

• what are my goals for rehab if i stay for another period of time?
• What can I expect to achieve?
• What help can I expect from the staff? And what do i need to do myself.
• What needs to be done at home before I leave- Who will do this and when
• Can i be referred to local NHS out-patient Physiotherapy when I am discharged?

This time in rehab. Is investing in your future. Wishing you all the best with whatever you decide.

DH was in a very similar sounding rehab unit last year for 8 months after 3 months in hospital. The hospital OT and physio had said it would be intensive rehab and would get him walking if it was possible. The reality was physio for half an hour twice a week and OT even less than that. He made very little progress and became very depressed. They sent him home saying he needed carers 4 times a day, hoist transfers etc. We didn’t agree and I cared for him myself. The nhs community physio turned up and within a few visits had made more progress than he whole time he was in rehab. We then went to a brilliant private physio with a lot of machines and he came on even faster and started walking.

I’ve no idea about the insurance and legal side but from a treatment and psychological point of view I would say go home if at all possible. DH is so much better at home and if we had our time again would not have gone to the rehab centre.

There are lots of hydro pools out there and private physios who are qualified to take you. We’ve been recommended to go with a physio until we are happy to go without then to have the physio every few sessions to review the exercises.

@Itsanewnameeveryday exactly. I’d like to customise my own help and treatment plan and I want to be at home. I’m not even ‘allowed’ to have a massage here.

I appreciate that I need medical sign off for this but as the consultant swans in for eight seconds a week and you have to sit by your bed for three hours to catch him I haven’t had any opportunity to discuss my capability. I appreciate as well that to need to be medically discharged rather than self discharged for long term finance reasons.

^^this.

thank you SO much. This is what I needed. People think this is a world class facility. It’s two hours physio a week and a swimming pool.

I know I could do better at home but unless you’ve seen what’s provided first hand you just don’t know.

im lucky not to need hoisting - I’m on crutches now. I can do all the things anyone on crutches for any other reason can do, except I have some paralysis in a couple of areas that affect my balance.

I’m so sorry for your current situation. I’ve been the claimant in a personal injury claim for a spinal injury and even if it appears to be quite simple, unfortunately it’s very unlikely to be and yes, the timescales are unbelievable.

I would pay attention to what’s been said already about the defence using self discharge against you. There is actually very little they won’t stoop to.

However, I’d certainly be asking at your meeting for a clear plan for discharge and work towards that. If, for example, OT will be too slow to get adaptations done then discuss with your lawyer about getting these done privately. The ability to pay upfront does sometimes play in your favour. For example I paid for several long haul business class flights to visit family. If I’d simply said I needed them I doubt I would have been successful but as I’d already done so they had to accept this. I hope this makes sense. Ditto using taxis- you won’t want to rely on lift’s forever so pay for professional support and you’ll be able to claim it in the long term. Same with all aspects of life.

Anyway in the short term, focus on each day and each minor success and I truly hope you get home very soon.

@Sunnywithchanceofshowers really helpful and good questions thank you. I do plenty outside of core hours but again I can do that at home.

OP I didn't want to read and run.

I work at a SIU in the north (feel free to PM me if it would be of any help).

I completely understand how difficult this time is for you. What I will say is this is a golden time opportunity. What you achieve during your inpatient rehabilitation will directly impact what you can do and achieve on discharge. If they thought you had reached your maximum potential you would have been discharged. The fact that they are keeping you shows that you are still improving.

SIU beds are absolute gold dust. Grab the opportunity with both hands and remember it's not forever.

This is appalling. My dad - over 80 - has had a stroke and has at least twice daily physio in his rehab ward. How can a young strong person only be given it twice a week? It’s desperate.
second all the advice to become your own discharge coordinator, AND all the advice that says compensation takes years… and everything you do to get better/seem better will reduce it…

I don’t think people realise just how little therapy you get in these units. It’s a complete waste of nhs money as well as being soul destroying for patients. We were sold this amazing answer to all his needs when in reality he spent most of his time in bed in a single room, with no conversation and had very little improvement. Not just him, everyone was disappointed.

Get a solicitor, send a letter of claim to the insurers, get an immediate needs assessment done privately (a decent firm will have the funds to front that), get the insurers to provide funding/rehab under the Rehab Code, get an interim, get on with your life.
There is no way I would stay in hospital for such limited rehab. Get someone signed up who will fight for you.

I would go home in your position, but speak to your solicitor first and put a written care plan in place, including home help and therapist, which you'll need to be able to claim back on. It sounds as though you will be better mentally at home certainly, and we all know well enough being well mentally helps you to recover physically. It sounds as though your have a good support system at home, which is worth it's weight in gold. 💐