Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you stop worrying when your children become adults!

121 replies

MancMamof1 · 14/03/2023 21:00

Because I can't and I know it is ridiculous.
My dd is 19 and does have autism but she is independent and works some evenings and weekends and I worry!
I hate the idea of her on the bus station alone at night especially because she still is fairly vulnerable and can be waiting an hour for the bus.
Often she will get chatting in the staffroom to her manager meaning if she was due home at 6pm she does not get home until 8pm and by that time I am worrying even more.
She does not want to be texting me to tell me where she is at 19 which I fully accept and I know I am being ridiculous.

Do you all just worry? Does it stop?😳

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 14/03/2023 21:02

I still worry every day. I am just place marking in case anyone comes up with any ways of not worrying!

lipstickwoman · 14/03/2023 21:02

I think it eases off. Eventually you just accept that they're adults, you can't keep worrying forever and you let it go. Once they've left home it's easier to do.. you just don't know what they're up to.

Pennyplant19 · 14/03/2023 21:03

You don't!

Definitelycross · 14/03/2023 21:04

My eldest is 26 and I still worry.

When my middle son went travelling, my way of coping was just pretending in my head it wasn't happening otherwise I would have flown out.

I don't think you ever really stop.

I'm sorry I know that's not what you want to hear

PixelatedLunchbox · 14/03/2023 21:05

I don't think you ever stop worrying.

ElfAndSafetyBored · 14/03/2023 21:05

I don’t think you do stop worrying, sorry, it’s part of loving them. I’m 51 and my mum worries about me even though I’m dead boring now. It helps I don’t live with her so she has to put my immediate safety out of her mind. You’ll need to set yourself boundaries of what’s worth worrying about, good luck, you sound like a lovely mum. Xx

lipstickwoman · 14/03/2023 21:05

I would add though you worry about different things. Their relationships, are they managing financially, their work etc.

LobeliaBaggins · 14/03/2023 21:07

You don't. This is what I find most difficult. I will never be at peace.

oldestmumaintheworld · 14/03/2023 21:09

It does get easier because you get used to them being adults living an adult life. However it takes time. It's a bit like when they start school and you worry about them coping with going to the loo on their own and changing for PE. They manage and you see that all is well and stop worrying.
You have to rely on what you have taught them, keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best.
You'll both be fine.

FlibbertyGibbitt · 14/03/2023 21:10

You don’t . Ever .

Aposterhasnoname · 14/03/2023 21:11

Never, although I have found I worry less about DD now she has her own kids than did before. Now I worry about the grandkids instead.

WandaWonder · 14/03/2023 21:13

My 90ish year old grandmother says it never stops and her kids are in their 70's

I will always worry but for what I think is a normal level

Gloriousgardener11 · 14/03/2023 21:15

You never stop worrying.
It's in that invisible contract you sign up to when you become a parent?

HamBone · 14/03/2023 21:15

DD is 17, nearly 18, and I hardly worry about her at all! The only time I worry is when she’s out late-ish with her friends.

I love her dearly and respect her decisions, she doesn’t give me cause to worry, I suppose.

LobeliaBaggins · 14/03/2023 21:16

I never worried when they were young. Not changing for PE: not a disaster. Walking down a road as a lone young woman could be a disaster.

Mrsjayy · 14/03/2023 21:17

MancMamof1 · 14/03/2023 21:00

Because I can't and I know it is ridiculous.
My dd is 19 and does have autism but she is independent and works some evenings and weekends and I worry!
I hate the idea of her on the bus station alone at night especially because she still is fairly vulnerable and can be waiting an hour for the bus.
Often she will get chatting in the staffroom to her manager meaning if she was due home at 6pm she does not get home until 8pm and by that time I am worrying even more.
She does not want to be texting me to tell me where she is at 19 which I fully accept and I know I am being ridiculous.

Do you all just worry? Does it stop?😳

Would she be able to drive? I have a adult dc with sen but they drive and that really put my mind at ease, she used to travel to college and some wouldn't be in till.late and it is a worry .

You don't want to hover over them but I think you can guide them to text stay in touch if they are going to be late .

Applesandpeas · 14/03/2023 21:18

I'm 38 and my dm worries more about me as an adult than when I was a kid!

She's retired now so maybe has too much time on her hands...

Mrsjayy · 14/03/2023 21:20

Mine have their own places now but sometimes you worry about different things,

Bluevelvetsofa · 14/03/2023 21:20

You don’t and now I have the next generation to fret over too.

The hours I spent pacing the floor in the early hours, waiting for a taxi to arrive. Even when they drive, you worry about that too.

afaloren · 14/03/2023 21:21

I’m 41 and if I don’t reply to mum’s texts she’s practically in the car on her way over. To be fair tho I’m the same if she doesn’t reply to mine!

x2boys · 14/03/2023 21:30

I don't think you ever do.as a parent ,I'm 50 this year my nearly 81 year old parents still.worry about me and my 51 year old sister and now they also.worry about my two boys and my sister's two sons toI
my 16 year old son h is currently in hospital having been through a life threatening condition( thank God he's on the mend now ) I have never been so scared ,I honestly wished it was me that was ill instead of him it's all part of being a parent .

mrsfollowill · 14/03/2023 21:38

My son has autism is early 20's and still lives at home with us. He is independent and has a full time job - I worry about him all the time still. He seems younger than he is sometimes and can look vulnerable. He has more confidence now he is working and mixes with a huge range of people all day - it's a large workplace with a family feel and big age range - teens to people in their 60's.
My mum says it's easier once they have left home as you don't know if they are late home or even out and about! I was a bit of a terror and used to stumble in from clubs in the late 80's (aged 16 not realising my poor mum was in bed listening for me to get in before she could sleep)
However, he does text me if he is going to be later than usual- even if it's only 15 mins- eg bus running late. If he goes on a night out he would text if he was not coming home that night (has never done this so far). He doesn't drink much and always has a plan for getting home- eg pre booked taxi. Sorry I've gone on a bit there but try and tell myself no news is good news and if there is a problem we will deal with it /worry about it when it happens.

Bunnyishotandcross · 14/03/2023 21:41

Honestly I worry more since they hit 18. More so when they left home!
Sorry no answers.

doodleygirl · 14/03/2023 21:47

It's so bloody hard, there should be some kind of magical switch we can press to stop worrying, My girl is 28 and I still worry, but to be fair she now asks me to text when I arrive somewhere so she knows I am safe 😁

doritstew · 14/03/2023 21:51

I'm 30 and my mum worries still about me and my 23 year olds brother. She will often remind me of very basic safety information. Bless her. I understand now having a ten year old of my own. The worry seems to just increase as she gets older.

Swipe left for the next trending thread