To think that it isn't just men who are capable of sexual abuse of children?

[dizietsma]

There's a thread in the Relationships section about a woman who is concerned about letting her FIL near her baby 'cos he was convicted on child porn charges. Obviously some people get very incensed on this topic, but I'm getting a little bit tired of the sexism associated with paedo panic. One poster was talking about how she'd never leave her kids alone with a man in case he sexually abused them. Like ANY man. To me that is nothing but blatant sexism. Women abuse kids too!

Absolutely; not every man (or woman) is an abuser either... I would be MORE than happy to leave my child and any future children with any member of my extended family without hesitation and without ANY trouble.

Just because some men and women are screwed up, not everyone is.

Absolutely agree. We would be bringing up a generation of very screwed up children if we treat all men as a threat and all women as totally safe.

Not at all.
I accidently left my pushchair at the local farm on Saturday (silly me, long story!) and DP had to go and collect it.he said that when he was walking around looking for it he felt that everyone was looking at him and turning their children away...he said it made him feel awful that just because he was at the farm alone people assumed he was there to abuse their children. Society is sad..I mean obviously I wouldn't leave my child with a convicted sex offender but I wouldn't assume that she would be more likely to be abused in the care of a male.

i think its just another one of those things that society wants to pretend doesnt happen,like domestic violence where the perpetrator is a woman and the victim is a man.

i havent read the thread you mention(i dont have relationships in active convos)but obviously you wouldnt want a convicted pedo near your child,however,saying you wouldnt leave your child alone with any man is just awful,and as you say,sexist

Agree that assuming that all men are potential child sex abusers is unnecessary scaremongering.

But I am trying very hard to remember any new stories about women sexually abusing a child. Perhaps a lady teacher with a teen boy below the age of consent or women as accomplices for men. But of the el sicko variety involving below 10s with woman acting alone - can't.

My best friend was abused at the age of 7 by her babysitter who was female - she would have her boyfriend round and they would have sex on her bed whilst she was in it and he would fondle her as he was pleasured by the girlfriend. Unlike the man the woman never actually touched her but she was part of it all - i cant actually believe people could do it it makes me sick - male or female. My friend now has a child of her own and cant bring herself to leave the child with anyone other than her parents. Its a sad world.

Is it impossible to keep one thread going at a time?
If you actually read the thread you'll see that stats on women abusers.
That thread kicked off enough, what's the point in two of them?

I would first like to add that the OP in the thread I'm referring to is obviously in a difficult situation and personally I wouldn't let my kids hang out with any man convicted of looking at child porn. Not because he's a man, but because he was convicted of looking at child porn which suggests something about the suppressed desires of that individual.

I know that statistically men sexually abuse kids more than women, but suspect the statistics don't reflect the picture entirely correctly. That's not to say that men/women sexually abuse in equal measure, but I think we aren't seeing the whole picture. I wonder how many women allow sexual abuse of their kids to go on under their noses without stopping it, I'd say that is being complicit in the sexual abuse of children and just as wrong. Statistically, women physically abuse and neglect children slightly more than men, mostly due to being the primary care givers.

Fucked up people abuse kids. Fucked up people come from every category in life. You just can't tell whether or not someone will abuse a kid by their genitals, race, sexuality, IQ, hair colour, class or whatever.

Famous female sexual abuser? How about Rosemary West?

dizietsma - good post. You're absolutely right that being fucked up has nothing to do with race, class, gender etc. It cuts across all sectors of society. I also agree that even where women arent necessarily directly abusing a child, there are many cases where they turn a blind eye, and protect the husband/partner rather than the child.

WHY DO WE NEED ANOTHER THREAD ABOUT THIS?
FFS.

dizietsma - there is a difference between the person perpetrating the abuse (almost always male) and the person tolerating/facilitating the abuse (sometimes female). Of course the facilitator is doing something deeply wrong, but a child left in the care of the facilitator is unlikely to be abused unless the abuser (almost always male) shows up. There is a certain logic to never letting your children be alone with adult men; a lot of us find it bleak and unsettling, but if you really can engineer it so that your child is never alone with a man, you almost certainly are making them safer, statistically speaking.

Yes you probably are, policywonk. the problem is, by never leaving them with a man you're probably also reducing their ability to form positive relationships with men and generally screwing them up!

What a ridiculous premise for a thread.

We've all heard of Myra Hindley and Rose West. This is not news.

Am particularly loving the tabloidesque phrase "paedo panic".

agree with policywonk on female sex abusers not acting independently of a male abuser. The examples of female offenders such as Myra Hyndley and Rose West were accessories to their male partners. I have no doubt that some women act alone, but they are a minority of an already small minority, statistically de minimis.

One of the main effects of abuse is the erosion of trust

This informs future choices

Its not rocket science

Dittany.. am with you, VS, VVV etc
but as I think it's all a bit pointless I actually only came on here to say I really like your name -- think it's absolutely fab
also wish to have it bequeathed to me if you ever leave due to repetitive threads.
As you were.

Rose West apparently did work on her own on occasion, and was said to be the driving force behind quite a few of Fred West's actions.

I'll report you at once

Strange thread-I think everyone knows this