Ex’s new GF hurt our child?

[Nonagainst]

AIBU? I really need some gentle feedback. Will try not to drip feed.

Going through an extremely messy divorce with my abusive ex (physical. Financial and emotional abuse)

Ex never took a single bit of interest with our children when he was here and now he sees them every two weeks for a few hours (that’s fine and I really hope they build a relationship together)

Two weeks ago my littlest child (3 years old) came back and said (not straight away) his dads new girlfriend pinched him and told them to shut up. I didn’t even know he was introducing them to the new woman (though I understand he doesn’t really need to tell me this info, just would have been a courtesy). I was shocked and was unsure what to believe when my 3YO said it initially but they continued to say the same thing to me without me ever bringing it up and their story never changed. So I told their dad and so did they and he said to them ‘you’re making this up’ and then said to me ‘they’re 3 years old, they make stuff up’.

I spend 24/7 with my kids and my 3YO has never ever said an adult has hurt them before. Everytime they mentioned it we were sat playing together so it’s not like they needed to get my attention.

Anyway. Not even two weeks later and my Ex has now said he wants take the 3yo on holiday with the new girlfriend and I’ve said I’m not comfortable with it and he’s basically saying I’m making false accusations against his new GF and he’ll take what I’ve said on board but continue to socialise my children with her.

I feel helpless. I don’t want this situation but my ex is making me doubt myself and basically insinuating I’m crazy. My 3yo also told my mum the exact same story (I’ve taught them about having trusted adults) so it feels like their doing all the correct things by telling adults but my ex believes I’m trying to sabotage his new relationship and believes the GF and not our child.

YABU - kids say stuff all the time, don’t sweat it and move on

YANBU - kids this young don’t make these sorts of allegations, your ex is not taking it seriously enough

Contact social services, let them investigate. It demonstrates to them you will safeguard your child but more importantly demonstrate to your son you will protect him.

If you can’t sell could you get a lodger? Any colleges nearby. My friends mum used to take in young Chinese students, they were always very sweet and quiet.

I too would consider a lodger.

Seriously it's sounds like you will have to sell.

With shared ownership you buy what you can and rent the rest. With the rent element you can get help via UC so don't take on a massive mortgage rely mainly on the equity.

As heartbreaking as this is to imagine anyone doing this to your child I’m going to call it that this has happened, I would believe your child in my personal opinion the fibs don’t really tend to start until age 5.

Contact ss and ask for advice tell them to visit dc in a familiar setting for example nursery with neither parents around and a trained specialist would be able to gently unearth the truth, then you have it in writing then proceed to a court order where as this has happened his gf isn’t allowed contact around your child under any circumstances.

I would be absolutely fucking furious.

As someone who has been through this personally, I would not advise reporting it to anyone unless there is evidence (a bruise or mark etc). You could very easily be accused of making malicious reports (even though I doubt that's the case) and it could be used against you in the future, as it was against my DH.

This is a big worth of mine. I’ve reported it already with social services and already revoked my exs access. It’s terrifying because he wouldn’t see our children at the contact centre he’s taken everything away now (finances) from the kids and I in spite. I worry it’ll be used against my as being malicious but I know on my childrens lives I’m not and at least they’re safe now x

I was dubious at first when my child mentioned it to me (I’ve never gone through this before) but as days went on and he still said the exact same thing, I definitely believed them. The little one doesn’t tell lies like this (maybe ones about superman saving their toys but not this). I would like social services to speak to my son with an expert but they haven’t even suggested it yet.