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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to force DS to have shorter hair?

106 replies

Opentobribes · 14/03/2023 05:52

DS keeps getting headlice. Very grim. I treat with hedrin. I think this school year we have treated 7/8 times. He tells me there are a couple of kids scratching like mad in school.

DS has long wild hair. It's a battle to get it trimmed and keep it brushed. I assume if he had short hair he'd be less likely to catch it and it would much easier to do the treatments/combing.

He hates the idea of having his hair cut. Is it unreasonable to force a hair cut? Not really short but a shortish style?

He is 9. I spent last night treating us all and changing bedclothes so I may be feeling unreasonable.

OP posts:
JumbledE · 14/03/2023 05:54

Could you not have an agreement that he wears his hair up when at school to reduce the risk? as a compromise, rather than forcing a hair cut?

Fancysauce · 14/03/2023 05:54

Give him the choice of having it cut or it being brushed every day without fail. Unless he has SEN, he's old enough to look after his own hair so give him the choice. But walking around with wild hair isn't an option.

WhenDovesFly · 14/03/2023 06:06

Having raised two DDs with long hair through primary school, where lice was a problem, I can sympathise with your plight.

He's only got a couple of years of primary left. As a first course of action I'd give him a choice - he either has a shorter haircut, or he agrees to have a good brush of the hair every night and wears it tied up in some way during the day (man bun?). My DDs had less instances if their hair was in plaits or up in one of those donuts. Explain to him too he should try to not put his head near other children's heads.

custardbear · 14/03/2023 06:16

Don't cut his hair! Trim regularly and condition to help make it more manageable.
Don't use hedrin either, get cheap conditioner and wash hair. Slaver in conditioner and brush it. Then use a decent nit comb and comb all bits and eggs away. If you do this regularly it works well. Hairdressers have told me this, those who've sone it properly say it works also. Hedrin is just unnecessary chemicals which may make hair more unmanageable and nits become resistant too

Original poster
Opentobribes · 14/03/2023 06:25

He has been given a choice before. It does get brushed every day but takes a lot of cajoling/moaning. And when he does catch headlice it would be much easier to be dealing with short hair. He won't wear it up.

Forcing him to have it cut does feel very uncomfortable but I'm also not happy to live with headlice as a regular part of life and it's not going away in his class. It makes me feel very icky.

OP posts:
WigglyWigglyWiggly · 14/03/2023 06:28

Does he oppose:

  • the actual hair cutting process
  • having shorter hair
  • both?
If his problem is with the actual process of having his hair cut but he doesn’t mind wearing it shorter then I’d do the cut. He doesn’t like having it brushed or de-liced and cutting is far less regular so an overall reduction in what he dislikes.
lailamaria · 14/03/2023 06:29

just get him to tie it up he's 9 you can't force him to have a haircut he'll never forgive you, that's coming from me who's dad forced them to have a haircut when i was 10 years old, he'll still get lice with short hair god knows my sister did

Clymene · 14/03/2023 06:30

Do the combing with conditioner every day. If he objects, he can get it cut or wear it tied back. Would he wear a footballer thin headband? That's what my long haired boy wears

Original poster
Opentobribes · 14/03/2023 06:33

I treat, do the conditioner/combing and treat again a week later so we are sure to be getting clear of them.
I'm amazed any of us have any hair left.

He doesn't want to look different. I know it sounds awful to be considering it but heads with bugs or eggs isn't ok either.

It's a definite no to pony tail, manbun or hair bands.

OP posts:
Original poster
Opentobribes · 14/03/2023 06:34

On balance I am unlikely to force it but I am fed up/grossed out!

OP posts:
WeWereInParis · 14/03/2023 06:37

It's a definite no to pony tail, manbun or hair bands.

Then he gets it cut. Those would be my options - wear it up or get it cut. You've had lice 7/8 times since September!

follyfoot37 · 14/03/2023 06:39

Opentobribes · 14/03/2023 06:25

He has been given a choice before. It does get brushed every day but takes a lot of cajoling/moaning. And when he does catch headlice it would be much easier to be dealing with short hair. He won't wear it up.

Forcing him to have it cut does feel very uncomfortable but I'm also not happy to live with headlice as a regular part of life and it's not going away in his class. It makes me feel very icky.

He is a child, not your friend. He has to learn that sometimes, he will have to do things that he doesn't want to, particularly if it's for his own good orcthat of others
Stop pandering to a child. Set some parenting boundaries. You cannot negotiate

WandaWonder · 14/03/2023 06:40

My son would have the choice caring for it himself or cut

It is not fair on other kids to keep on getting lice when it can be minimised

PriOn1 · 14/03/2023 06:41

Are you definitely getting rid of them and does he keep getting reinfected? If you are certain you’re clearing them, I might explain how he’s picking them up and tell hin if he wants to keep his hair that it’s up to him to keep clear of them by never, ever putting his head near another child’s. If he picks them up again, there will be consequences and he will then have a choice of a haircut or tying it back.

Outliers · 14/03/2023 06:41

Cut it off.

MigratorySheep · 14/03/2023 06:42

My Dd has a choice: pixie cut or tied up for school. She can wear it loose out of school, but at school it's tied back.

There's a boy in her class with the most gorgeous long blonde curls. His mum also insists it's tied up for class, else he can't see!

Start to make it a bit more inconvenient for him. At 9 he can help you change the bedclothes and put on a wash.

CarrieSmisher · 14/03/2023 06:43

WeWereInParis · 14/03/2023 06:37

It's a definite no to pony tail, manbun or hair bands.

Then he gets it cut. Those would be my options - wear it up or get it cut. You've had lice 7/8 times since September!

This would be me too.

Ladybrrrd · 14/03/2023 06:43

I wouldn't force him to cut it. (You wouldn't force a girl!) But you need to lay down the law and make sure he ties it up and cares for it. Children with long hair in most schools I've been in have to wear it up, as per the policy.

Catapulko · 14/03/2023 06:43

He's only got a couple of years of primary left

Hate to say it, but one of mine didn't get headlice until they went to high school and then we had no end of trouble with them.
I wouldn't want to force a haircut, but he'd have to tie it up. I'm surprised school doesn't insist on this anyway.

AllMonstersAreHuman · 14/03/2023 06:44

Would he use a repellent spray after washing? I have 2 DCs, 5 and 6, and their classes are always sending the 'there's a confirmed case of headlice' text, but luckily mine are yet to catch them. We use the vosene lice repellant spray which is also a leave in conditioner. It doesn't have a strong smell once dry and leave their hair soft and shiny.

PriOn1 · 14/03/2023 06:44

My daughter’s school had rules about hair for precisely this reason, by the way. They had to have it short or tied back. Perhaps suggest to them that they could introduce it, so then ducking out isn’t an option.

Original poster
Opentobribes · 14/03/2023 06:45

At 9 he can help you change the bedclothes and put on a wash.

This is exactly what I did last night! And this morning he is going to empty the dishwasher because I didn't have time last night.

I don't generally need to be his"friend", I am fine re boundaries with gaming, bedtime etc. I do struggle when it feels like it's about his body autonomy.

OP posts:
PriOn1 · 14/03/2023 06:45

Ladybrrrd · 14/03/2023 06:43

I wouldn't force him to cut it. (You wouldn't force a girl!) But you need to lay down the law and make sure he ties it up and cares for it. Children with long hair in most schools I've been in have to wear it up, as per the policy.

I would apply exactly the same choice to a girl as I would a boy. Why be sexist when raising children?

EmmaDilemma5 · 14/03/2023 06:47

Do you nit comb it between the two washes? Just washing and combing twice a week apart likely won't get them all. It's recommended to keep checking everyday of two.

Does he have sensory issues? I'm surprised a 9 year old won't let you brush his hair properly regularly or tie his hair up.

Ultimately, this can't go on. As others have said, as the parents, the ball is in your court. He's a child, he needs to listen to you.

GeoffGiraffe · 14/03/2023 06:47

My son has long hair. He would wear it down if it was up to him, he has sensory issues, so also doesn't like having it brushed or the feel of the bobble. Similar to brushing teeth, it's a non negotiable.

The rule in our house is he wears it brushed and tied up for school. It's a school rule anyway, long hair gets tied up.

If he doesn't want to have it brushed/tied up, he knows the alternative is to have it cut off. He would/will hate the smell of hedrin and the idea of lice living in his hair would trigger a meltdown.

Tea tree oil I believe is toxic/repellant to lice. You could try dousing his hair in that (mixed in with conditioner)? And using detangle sprays to brush.

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