AIBU to force DS to have shorter hair?

[Opentobribes]

DS keeps getting headlice. Very grim. I treat with hedrin. I think this school year we have treated 7/8 times. He tells me there are a couple of kids scratching like mad in school.

DS has long wild hair. It's a battle to get it trimmed and keep it brushed. I assume if he had short hair he'd be less likely to catch it and it would much easier to do the treatments/combing.

He hates the idea of having his hair cut. Is it unreasonable to force a hair cut? Not really short but a shortish style?

He is 9. I spent last night treating us all and changing bedclothes so I may be feeling unreasonable.

The first few occasions I did wonder if in hindsight we weren't actually getting him clear but I am pretty certain we are now.

It's difficult telling him to avoid it as there are a couple of children scratching a lot who do have quite poor personal hygiene. I wouldn't want them to be isolated.

Treating twice may not be enough as the life cycle is 3 weeks so you may not be clearing them completely. You may need extra combing in to the 3rd week or a 3rd treatment to catch all the hatchlings

I will try keeping it going into a third week this time.

I think the thread is split between its evil to force a hair cut v it's bad parenting to pander.... Which is exactly the dilemma in my head!

I'd give a girl the same choice - tie it up, or have it cut to a short style of their choosing.

But OP, your child clearly has quite poor personal hygiene? If he won't tie his hair back and is continually re-infested with nits then he does.

YABU. It's completely indulgent to be spending hours and hours a week nit-combing a child's wild and long hair when the child is refusing to tie it back. It would not be an incursion on his bodily autonomy to get his hair cut, but would teach him about consequences and that vanity shouldn't be given more importance than staying healthy and protecting people around him.

Would you do the same for a DD?

You are ignoring the middle option of giving him the choice of tying it up or getting it cut. It’s time to parent him.

There is a strong possibility that other parents are cursing you for having a child with wild hair that keeps getting infested. They will not want their kids to be close to him and will judge you for your child having poor personal hygiene.

I also agree with other posters that this is a good time to teach him about consequences when it’s relatively low stakes but still important to him. Much easier to do this now than when he’s 16.

But OP, your child clearly has quite poor personal hygiene? If he won't tie his hair back and is continually re-infested with nits then he does.
I'm not sure him refusing a pony tail is poor hygiene. He showers/baths daily, hair washed every other day at least, clean clothes every day, teeth twice a day. And as I have said I insist on hair brushed every morning. I tackle the nits as soon as there is a hint of it.

My kids can have long hair if they want, but only if they will look after it properly. They need to keep it clean, brushed and allow us to nit comb them.

Nits seem to come back very frequently at their school and nit combing long, thick hair takes hours. When we had had a couple of bouts close together I told them we needed to cut their hair a bit to make it more manageable to deal with. I explained it was making it really hard to comb them properly and they understood, (even though they didn't particularly want it cut). In the end they chose a shorter style each from some pictures I showed them and we made it into a nice outing. My son had pretty long hair and he got a shorter cut, but kept it still on the long side. It was much easier to nit comb after!

Long hair = ponytail at school regardless of if you’re male or female. Lice can be a right bugger to get rid of when they’re caught repeatedly. I wish my mum had chopped my hair when I repeatedly caught them in primary school, it was an entire year of treatments, itching and feeling ashamed.

My DDs both had really long hair but tied it back, and accepted that it had to be in plaits during nit outbreaks, and then accepted it needed to be cut much shorter (a bob, and a pixie cut) when they kept getting re-infested. I did not have the time (1-2 hours) every evening to spend nit-combing them properly when their hair was long - really, who does? And why is it worth it just to keep hair long?

But it's poor hygiene if by not wearing a ponytail he's getting reinfested as he's spreading the nits - it must be close to impossible to make sure he's clear if he has that much hair (speaking from experience).
I don't think you're doing him any favours at all by not cutting his hair and by spending so much time and so many chemicals treating it. Just give him the choice - haircut or ponytail/plaits, it's that simple.

You can justify his personal hygiene all you want.

The facts are that your boy has wild hair that means he is susceptible to lice. and you, as a parent, seem to be incapable of telling him that he should take measures to mitigate this. (Hair cut, or hair up.)

I really don’t know where you can go from here.

Then I would say he wears it tied back for school or gets it cut.

I gave my daughter the choice of daily plaits or cutting it short for similar reasons until she could do the plaits herself. Eventually she went very short.

Would you force him to cut it if he was a girl with hair that length?

Get a nitty gritty comb (free on prescription of £10) and comb through after putting cheap conditioner on dry hair. Can be done in front of the TV.

Only comb decent at getting eggs, hatchlings and adults out.

Lice don't jump they crawl from head to head from being in close contact.

I would actually report to the school that it's clear that some DC are not being treated, that a child being infested for months and months is neglect and if they aren't dealing with it you will flag it as neglect formally.

Does the school not insist on it being tied up? Ours states, quite rightly, all long hair must be tied back with no mention of gender.

In a practical sense how can you force a haircut but not a ponytail?

I think if you give both of those options and child chooses then not unreasonable. Hopefully goes for haircut but if not after a few mornings of whinging ponytail will be new routine. (And less effort than regular nit treatments).

I think if this were a girl you wouldn't force them to get it cut, and you know why. Gender stereotypes etc. If DS wants long hair then please don't force him to cut it. I was forced into utterly awful haircuts as a child and I hated my mother for it.

Completely and utterly sympathise with the nightmare, we've had it a couple of times and that was enough to make me itch already. Can't add any more to the advice except perhaps things like tea tree / lavendar oil in conditioner which they apparently hate.

It’s not poor hygiene - nits prefer clean hair. By your standard most children have poor personal hygiene.

it is however a problem that needs managing. @Opentobribes is your son white? If so then a ponytail or plait is the answer if he doesn’t want a cut. If he has textured hair then obviously pony tails etc are trickier and you been to be mindful of tension and breakage

I would actually report to the school that it's clear that some DC are not being treated, that a child being infested for months and months is neglect and if they aren't dealing with it you will flag it as neglect formally.

If my child was in the OP's class I'd be seriously pissed off that he didn't have his hair tied back - he's part of the problem.

But it’s been almost unanimous that he should tie it up. I’m surprised the school don’t insist on that anyway.

Parenting and boundaries, whilst also respecting his wishes. He can have long hair, but that means certain conditions need to be met, for the sake of the entire household.

Multiple infestations isn’t fair on anyone. The whole family pay the price for your son to have his hair as long as he wants, with no internet in actually caring for it?! Barmy

You are capitulating to a 9 yo?