AIBU to force DS to have shorter hair?

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DS keeps getting headlice. Very grim. I treat with hedrin. I think this school year we have treated 7/8 times. He tells me there are a couple of kids scratching like mad in school.

DS has long wild hair. It's a battle to get it trimmed and keep it brushed. I assume if he had short hair he'd be less likely to catch it and it would much easier to do the treatments/combing.

He hates the idea of having his hair cut. Is it unreasonable to force a hair cut? Not really short but a shortish style?

He is 9. I spent last night treating us all and changing bedclothes so I may be feeling unreasonable.

I think you stop combing too soon: if there are kids scratching I’d guess there are permanently nits at school, so you need to do a weekly preventative comb, not just when you think he has them.

But I would put my foot down over this: hair tied back and hair sprayed (the crispiness stops the lice climbing on), or hair cut. He can have hair down at home/weekends. Threat/bribe as appropriate to your parenting style and what you think will work. Otherwise I’d be in there with the clippers while he slept.

If you are only treating once a week you are not getting rid of them. You need to not comb every few days for at least 10 days to be sure you are getting every single one of them. If only 1 survives you will be back where you started a few weeks later.

I would treat with hedrin once then slather with conditioner and not comb carefully every 2-3 days

I tackle the nits as soon as there is a hint of it.

That’s part of the problem.

Waiting until there’s hints give time for a proper infestation.

You need to be nit combing regularly - at minimum weekly - even when there’s no hint so that when he does get infected you catch it early.

with no internet in actually caring for it?!

Where in everything I have described do you read no interest?!!

And a lack of ponytail is not poor hygiene. Nor have I ignored the situation. Far from it. Have put in lots of time and money.

To be honest I had no idea the no ponytail was such an emotive thing. Lots of girls with long hair not tied up at school, no such rule. Now I know though!!

Lots of ideas re treatment and how to approach possible hair cut or ponytail.

You need to nit comb with conditioner daily for a week or so, then every 3 days. Use Rappel or similar every time he leaves the house. Tea tree shampoo too.
You cannot put on too much conditioner- if you comb for 5 minutes then put on more, comb more, put on more conditioner about 5 times until you can't find any more in that session.
You may find if you up the frequency of combing it may change his position!
Also, you need to cover sofas and fabric headboards with something removable and washable.
Presumably you are checking your own hair too? And everyone else in the house?

He is old enough now to take responsibility for his own hair. I was doing my own from 8 and I had very long hair. I also went through the nit nightmare too. Do not cut his hair. my mother cut mine. From bum length to boy-cut. I've never forgotten.

No child should have wild hair at school. It should be tied back. One of the reasons is safety but the other is headlice. It pisses me off so much to see children with flowing locks swinging about, dangling onto other children, etc, when there’s headlice. It’s idiotic and selfish.

So, offer him two choice - tie it back or have it cut short. Also, Hedrin and the like are crap. Don’t waste your money. Use the conditioner/comb method. It’s a total pain but it gets rid of the buggers. We did it every other day for 3 weeks. I’d also speak to the school and make sure they’re publicising the comb method and chasing up parents who can’t be arsed to deal with their DC’s headlice. It’s usually a very small number of children who are constantly re-infecting others.

Hm. When my boys have short hair they have still caught nits. I’ve read that it’s scalp to scalp contact that passes it, and tying it up doesn’t help at all. It would be easier to comb if shorter, but that’s the only advantage.

If you use Hedrin Once there is no need to keep retreating it. I’d just do that and keep an eye out.

This should be an easy problem.to solve. Any child, male or female should (in theory) be told that either they allow/and contribute to it being kept tidy, brushed and clean and tied back for school or it gets cut to something more manageable.

As the mother of a very stubborn pre teen I sympathise though. Long hair is all very well but it does come with a need to look after it.

I'd give him option of combing it without complaint and tie back for school or he gets it cut.
I miss the nit nurse

Just keep treating for life- not nice, but not the end of the world! When they go to secondary it seems to stop!

Personally I am of the opinion that at that age, if you won't brush your hair without moaning and needing cajoling at that age, then it gets cut shorter. Similar with putting it up. He's old enough to be told this is what needs to happen for him to keep the hair. He must put it up at school.

I would tell him I'm not prepared Uk spend 3-4 hours a week min treating nits. Every week. Hair up tight or off

Is it not a school rule to have it up? DSD took hers down on the way to school the other day and thought she was being clever and told the teacher she'd lost her hair bobble. They gave her an elastic band and made her put it up. She was not impressed 🤣

I don’t think telling a child there’s no negotiation when discussing their bodies is a good way to go, that risks their future boundaries of what people can do to them or they do to others.

When I was at school and nits were a big problem them the school said all hair must be up, is this not a thing anymore?

My first response was YWBU to cut it, if you wouldn’t also force a daughter to cut her hair for the same reason (which I wouldn’t do). However on reading that he won’t tie it up - those would be the options for me, tied up or cut.

Tell him if he gets nits one more time, he's getting his hair clipped short. It is then up to him to manage his hair in such a way that he doesn't get nits - if long hair is really important to him he can do that.

All of mine (boys and girls) had long hair and the rule was if you want long hair it has to be tied up at primary school. It really does help reduce the amount of times they catch lice. Some of them argued but that was the one thing I stood firm on about hair. We still did get nits but less than before the hair up rule.

I’m surprised that school allow him to have his hair down/wild. I have three daughters and School rules are that all hair has to be tied up. Nits has been rife at our school this year and my children have their hair in a bun or plait for school, non-negotiable. They can wear it however they like outside of school. We also started using a daily spray that repels lice, seems to be working.

My mother did this to me and I’ve never forgotten it!!! Don’t.

What about this sprays / lotions that you use that are meant to be preventative? Have you tried those?

If he were a girl would you be suggesting a forced short hair cut? Or would you just insist that she had her hair tied up at all times at school. Is the nits really an excuse to get your son to cut his hair short as that’s how you would prefer it?

Primsry age girls with long hair are told they must have it tied back at school, ie in plaits, bun or ponytail. This is to reduce the spread of headlice, no other reason.

If your son wants long hair he must tie it back like the girls have to do. If he isn’t willing to do that he must cut his hair.

In your position I would explain your problem to the head and ask for an announcement in assembly telling the children that all hair below chin length must be tied back, whether male or female, and that detentions will be given for persistent breaches. The head doesn’t want a school full of lice either.

Then give him the choice: tie it back at school or cut it short.

To add - it was like she was blaming me for the nits which felt quite unkind.

And I can PROMISE you (I have a short haired DS) the nits still come whether the hair is long or short. It’s putting their heads together to look at something that does it. You’re not going to stop kids from doing that. (And you shouldn’t.)

Really might be worth trying those preventative sprays. No idea if they work, but worth it?

And maybe let the school know so they can send a letter home to get all children treated? Our school has done this. We got a text message saying something like, “lice in year X, please treat all children”.

Are the school aware that there are some children with poor personal hygiene? Is indicative of other problems.

Give him a one-week ultimatum.

Its his responsibility to keep his long hair thoroughly brushed every single day and regularly washed. At school, it must be worn tied back (bun/plaitpony tail) to avoid contact with other pupils hair/nits.

If he's unwilling to do that then it gets cut.