AIBU to force DS to have shorter hair?

[Opentobribes]

DS keeps getting headlice. Very grim. I treat with hedrin. I think this school year we have treated 7/8 times. He tells me there are a couple of kids scratching like mad in school.

DS has long wild hair. It's a battle to get it trimmed and keep it brushed. I assume if he had short hair he'd be less likely to catch it and it would much easier to do the treatments/combing.

He hates the idea of having his hair cut. Is it unreasonable to force a hair cut? Not really short but a shortish style?

He is 9. I spent last night treating us all and changing bedclothes so I may be feeling unreasonable.

Short hair doesn't prevent nits but it makes it much easier to deal with infestations.
I never used Hedrin. Cheap conditioner and a nitty gritty comb. Comb 2 nights in succession then again in 4 or 5 days and again 5 days later. Nits lay eggs after something like 6 or 7 from hatching so if you leave it a week you might already have eggs laid in the hair and thus it begins again.
Maintenance comb every fortnight to check for new ones. If you wait until they're scratching you've got loads to find.

You mightn't think loose hair is unhygienic, but it certainly helps spread the nits more than ponytails do, so if nits are unhygienic, then supporting the spread of them is too and also pretty anti-social in an infestation situation. Your child's desire to wear his hair a certain way shouldn't take precedent over basic social ethics.

@Igniteyourbones our school has no hair regulations (or uniform/clothing regulations except clothing must be suitable for the weather).

@Opentobribes if he gets pocket money, you could always charge him for the conditioner/hedrin if he won't make any effort to try to prevent himself catching them.

if he gets pocket money, you could always charge him for the conditioner/hedrin if he won't make any effort to try to prevent himself catching them.

This feels really shamey. He sounds like a normal kid doing normal kid things. Headlice happen to anyone, and they’re gross.

Your best bet is to tell the school so they get all parents to treat at once, not shame your kid ffs.

From this website: moptophair.com/blogs/haircare-tutorials/splitting-hairs-the-myths-and-truths-about-head-lice
”MYTH #3: Lice like long hair. Sure, lice like long hair – and short hair as well! Bottom line: boys or girls with short hair are not protected from lice any more than those with long tresses. Even kids with buzz cuts can get lice! If there’s an outbreak in your area, check long- and short-haired family members with equal scrutiny.”

He brushes it and ties it up or he cuts it. No discussion. He’s 9, ultimately you make the final decision.

I completely would. Regardless of sex or gender long hair liable for nits get tied up or cut. End of

At 9, I think you can reasonably insist in these circumstances. I wouldn't interfere with a child's choice of hairstyle on aesthetic grounds (although I quite like long hair on boys anyway), but if he keeps getting headlice and you're the one who has to deal with them, it becomes your problem and you have a right to a say. It's not about whether long hair or short hair is more likely to get headlice in the first place, but how easy it is to treat for them when he does! It takes ages to comb through long hair properly, especially if it's thick or curly.

To the person who said you wouldn't make a girl get her hair cut - I would, in these particular circumstances. There's no logical reason why girls should always have long hair anyway and not many did when I was a kid - it didn't seem to do us any harm!

Stand firm. He can have long hair if and only if he takes all the necessary steps to avoid getting headlice all the time - tie it up so it is less likely to touch other people's hair, and make an effort not to go "heads together" with his friends. That might not guarantee he never gets them again, but it should help. If he doesn't like it, you could point out to him that headlice don't like testosterone so he will be unlikely to get them once he reaches puberty, and he could have longer hair again then. My 20-something DS has hair down to his bum, and he never gets headlice. He had them a few times as a kid with quite short hair, but at least it was easy to treat.

My daughter has mid-length hair but I make her tie it up for school. She has no option, for this reason. Tell him it's either short cut or he needs to tie it up every day.

does he not have to tie it up for school? My DD has to tie hers up as do all kids with long hair.

Well it's either hair cut or hair up and surely he will go with hair up if he loves his long hair ?

I was all set to come on here to complain about boys with long hair and not having to wear it tied back but I see you say that's true for the girls too. At our school, girls all wear hair tied back and off face but the boys seem to get a free pass and it drives me mad.

Agree with other posters, you have to treat more than once. And I'd do more often than once a week. DS has short hair but very very thick - we treated then did the conditioner and comb and then treated again about a week later before we finally nailed the infestation he was suffering from.

But as his parent you are responsible for his health and hygeine. Some things are non negotiable, would he be allowed to choose never to brush his teeth? Or never to wipe his bottom? Stop worrying about bodily autonomy and do what needs to be done to stop the lice infestations.

the lice have a 14 day cycle so if you do the conditioner and comb through every week should catch things early if there is anything there and maybe ask the school to message home again re treating for lice although I appreciate in some cases it falls on deaf ears. Personally I think it is neglect bordering abuse to refuse to treat but I know I am hard line!

@Albertohello i don't see why it's "shamey". It's not a consequence because he has lice it's a consequence because he won't do anything to try to prevent himself getting lice.

I don't understand the "it's a normal part of childhood" brigade either. I never had them, DH never had them, DC have never had them. When there was an outbreak in DD's class we showed her the info leaflet and from that day since she has had her hair plaited for school. Because she wanted to minimise the risk of her getting them.

This! Tight bun with hair gel usually stops them getting in. If he won’t have it up, he gets it cut. Simple as.

My rule would be short haircut or he has to have his hair washed daily with tea tree shampoo, nit combed and then dried and put in a plait. I assume he would change his mind after that.

"Your best bet is to tell the school so they get all parents to treat at once, not shame your kid ffs." Schools do have this policy, but there are always fucking grim/lazy parents who don't do it, ignore the letter home, and their children reinfect the whole school.

This is the voice of reason - it's akin to brushing your teeth. And of course people with short hair can get nits, but they're so much easier to get rid of and less likely to spread as there's less hair! OP honestly don't be such a martyr and so anti-social - blaming the poor hygiene of other kids is a bit rich when you're letting your own child go around with long hair not tied back.

Why is it poor hygiene to have nits? They like clean hair.... they also start to go off boys a they get older due to the increase of testosterone in the blood.

I don't negotiate with mine, they either have hair up or cut short while in school. Weekends/ holidays needs to be brushed as minimum as I don't want nits.

Tea tree shampoo and conditioner can help keep them away. You should also nit comb daily for about a month. They have a cycle and it's a pain to break it.

I don't often post but wanted to comment on this.

Don't cut his hair, it's part of his identity. He will remember you did it.

I very rarely brush my hair and if I do it's a sign I need to wash my hair. I use a small amount of shampoo (enough to clean my scalp) and tons of conditioner to do it twice. It's the conditioner that keeps it from needing to be brushed and much easier to manage.

As for the lice situation, you can get preventer sprays but it's easy enough to make yourself. Spray bottle with watered down conditioner plus essential oils. Certain ones either mask human smell to them or they suffocate them - I would look it up for you but I'm struggling to type with a broken arm and it's easy to find. Spray that on every day. You can use EO as part of getting rid of them too but it's a different method. Another one to do is clean the hair with vinegar to break the glue on the eggs.

No need for isolation or avoiding anyone, unless the nitty children insist on sticking their heads right up against your son’s head, even when asked not to. Explain to him that it’s head to head contact that is allowing the nits to spread and tell him to try to avoid it. I never picked up nits at school, probably because I never stuck my head against anyone else’s. My daughter picked them up once because she, uncharacteristically, leaned her head against a friend’s and learned the hard way that doing so is how you pick up nits. Neither of my sons ever got them.

I agree that it's comparable to brushing teeth.

He either wears it up at school or gets it cut. And yes I would say the same about a girl too. Our school also has the rule that long hair needs to be tied back

It's highly likely it's your long wild haired child that is keeping the nits cycle going, I'm amazed you've allowed him to have the final say in this, off to the barbers tomorrow, he's 9 fgs.
Hair grows back, maybe he'll learn a lesson.

Its head to head contact that spreads head lice, it isn’t hair brushing your shoulders etc.

If you’re waiting until you see signs of lice you are likely waiting too long, I check my sons has twice a week, on two occasions I have found lice despite no itching, no visible eggs in obviously places such as behind his ears etc. He has waist length hair, he wears a rumal or sometimes a patka and it hasn’t stopped him getting nits.

He refuses to put his hair up? I’m confused because girls at primary school are forced to, so it doesn’t seem fair that boys with long hair are not. I would force him to cut it if he absolutely refuses to wear it up. He is probably the one causing the bloody things to spread in the first place.