To ask for your best "life with a newborn" tips!

[elm26]

I'm 30 weeks and have gone on early mat leave due to Hyperemesis 😢

However, super grateful to be in this position due to many previous miscarriages and I'm planning on using this time to get organised, relax and some gentle exercise.

I've started making a list so I'll be doing all of the usual stuff like washing babies clothes and putting them away in size order etc, I've thought about maybe trying Gousto or Hello Fresh as may be easier to do this for the first few months when we are both knackered?

Any tips, tricks or recommendations to make life easier in the final trimester/early days with a newborn would be so helpful.

Get a baby sling ! Only used one on my 3rd and honestly so annoyed I didn't on my other two , a god send

If formula feeding, I'd recommend Mam bottles because you can just pop them in the microwave to sterilise them and two prep machines, one for the kitchen and one for upstairs. I'd also recommended a formula which has ready to feed options.

Going with the flow stressed me out and I didn't find it very relaxing at all but getting baby into a routine, putting him down awake and working on self settling so we could all sleep better worked for us.

A long maternity leave isn't for everyone. DS is 3 months and going back recently was the best thing I did.

Remember that you matter too. Baby isn't going to combust if you don't jump at every whimper because you're having your last mouthful of dinner or are desperate for a wee or shower.

Accept help. You don't need to be superwoman.

Be sure that your husband does his fair share. He might not do it exactly how you do it and as long as it's safe, who cares? Don't jump in and take over, let him learn just like you'll have to learn.

Wear a vest under your clothes, then if youre vomited/pooped on you can take the top off and still be covered up (handy if your out/not in your own home).
Have an emergency bag in the car, nappies, wipes, cream, spare clothes for baby, you and partner, dummys etc! only to be used if you have run out in the normal bag!

💯

Get a dimmer switch installed in the bedroom. So much easier to locate in the middle of the night than a lamp or night light.
Buy baby clothes in neutral or primary colours rather than pink or blue. You have a wider market when it comes to resale.
We went to our local pub with restaurant for several meals during the first few weeks. It was a way to get a hot meal cooked by someone else.
Read books about baby care , but don't take them as gospel. (We loosely followed Gina Ford).
Don't spend a fortune! We begged, borrowed and bartered baby stuff. They are in things like moses baskets for such a short time.
Repack baby's changing bag as soon as you get home after a trip out. Always leave it in the same place so that you can grab it in a hurry the next time you go out.

Just to add, whilst babies with colic, who won't be put down etc are undoubtedly harder, it's not a guarantee that you'll have a tough time of it either.

Not all women who love the newborn stage have good sleepers dozing in a Moses basket. My first was like that, but my second still contact naps at 3, had colic, weight gain issues etc not an 'easy' baby, but an easy time of it, 90% because of slings.

Some people have easy babies and has the newborn stage. Others have difficult babies and love it. You'll only know when you get there really.

If you don't do online grocery shopping already, start now so you've got all of your favourites set up. An absolute godsend. And buy a insulated coffee cup with a lid in the vague hope of having a hot coffee now and then!

I do hello fresh weekly and wouldn’t recommend for the first couple months with a newborn it isn’t quick to make and there’s a lot to it. I would suggest to batch cook and stick them in the freezer for the first few weeks then you’ll be in some routine and some sort or normality to make dinners as usual again

If you like your tea/coffee still hot invest in a travel mug it’s better than using a mug and you won’t spill it/have the fear of spilling it over the baby if breast feeding.

My partner used to make me a packed lunch in the early days so that I wouldn’t have to worry about making myself something.

Start as you mean to go on - both of you! Equal parents in every way.

DH thought that since I'd babysat and he never really did that I had more knowledge than him - I didn't, I just googled and read stuff! Anyway, as you learn how to do all the new things - burping, nappy changes, weaning, make sure he's as hands on and as capable as you.

All too easily you can slip into you knowing how to for the baby because you are home with him/her and doing all the thermometer/ calpol doses or the baby will only go to sleep on you or whatever... so hand over the calpol, say "draw out 2.5mls with the syringe and give it to the baby I'll go make us a cuppa"

Any decent dad will be happy to learn how to do baby stuff. Any decent man will share the financial hit with you. Any decent partner will do equal amounts of the fun and the drudge and the chores. A good 'un is when you feel like you are in this fully together.

Don't EVER reduce your hours at work for childcare if you aren't married or if your career will suffer. Push for equal responsiblity. So we both took time off with a poorly DS in turns. We both looked for flexible working schedules so that we could do school runs, and since I wasn't married at the time, I went back full time, and while it was a big financial hit, the 3 big pay rises I got in the last 9 years all show that continuity for my job was important - particularly when DH was laid off some months ago, my salary comfortably covers most of our outgoings without dipping too much into our savings.

Your mantra should be "this too will pass" - especially in the first year. If you are at your wits end one day with colic or teething - remember this too will pass and in 6 months time it'll be a fading memory.

Oh and sleep when the baby sleeps.

Also - here's a nice one - a colleague puts together a photo album of the year for her parents - she's done it ever since her first child was born, one of those sites you upload and arrange it, add text and they put it into a book for you. You'll take gorgeous pictures, you'll have days out, the firsts of everything, funny anecdotes and the years go by so fast that before you know it that gorgeous picture you loved is on that old phone that's probably in a drawer somewhere... So do the album. Every year. And they will be lovely to look back on as the years go by.

Do NOT do elf on the fucking shelf. Or if you were duped into it like I was, for fucks sake, pace yourself. You'll have a decade of that shit so hundreds of nights of elfing to do so start off small and that way nobody will have huge expectations and you won't be crying into your wine on the 1st of Dec because you want to murder a doll.

Thank you!

Have a nappy station in the front room and bedroom so your not scrambling around for stuff
nappies, wipes, nappy bags, creams, muslins. You can never have enough Muslins

i also really loved the nappy bin not everyone’s fav buy but you can get cheap off marketplace and get large rolls off Amazon rather than the refill cartons

This is exactly right! My first was an incredibly difficult baby - she barely slept, and then only on me or in motion (the main reason I took her on such long walks every day was to get her to sodding well nap); she was obsessed with my boobs and wanted to feed constantly (another reason for getting her in her pram and out of the house), and if she wasn't happy, boy did she let me know!

Yet I remember that first year as a very happy time - because I was every bit as obsessed with her as she was with me, and I was able to be completely led by her needs.

Her younger brother, OTOH, was the "dream baby" who'd read all the baby books; slept through from a few weeks old; napped and fed on a regular schedule, and could be put down in a bouncer or on a mat to coo contentedly and chew his little fists while I got on with things. Yet it was when he was a few months old that I marched into the health visitor's clinic, burst into tears and said "you've got to help me, I'm a terrible mother and I'm getting this all wrong." I just found juggling the conflicting needs of him and DD and felt this overbearing guilt that no matter what I did, I was letting one of them down.

So I think that's my takeaway - let your baby lead you, for those first few months at least. They can be extraordinarily demanding for such tiny creatures, but their demands at least usually simple and straightforward! Give them what they want and sod anyone telling you're "spoiling them." You cannot spoil a tiny baby.

Lots of great advice but the most important one I wish someone had given me…you really don’t need all the crap. Like a bath thermometer etc. Just be prepared with lots of bottles if you don’t want to bf/it’s not possible. That said, lots of mums in my group were grateful for the local lactation coach for feeding issues. Don’t stress too much about batch cooking, I found it easy to stick some fresh fish and broccoli in the oven rather than having bolognese every night.

The one bit of advice I wish I’d listened to is getting a nursing chair, I came to HATE my sofa!! It will seriously save your back and dh can also use it.

Congratulations and good luck for the birth 💐

This is amazing. Thank you for all the tips ladies!
32 weeks and I'm making notes!

@elm26 I want to order a sling but they all seem so expensive!
My best advice would be to get a stretchy wrap sling. They’re the best thing for teeny newborns. These can be picked up cheap as chips, especially 2nd had. Then if you enjoy carrying find a local sling library to try the others out, they all feel so different and you’ll find one that works for you. 2nd hand is the way to go.

Before baby gets here:
Food prep - fill your freezer with easy to reheat meals
If you can get the house organised- baby clothes washed and put away/ deep clean etc.
Have a couple of nice days out (if you feel up to it) just the two of you before everything changes.
Make clear to family and friends what you're plans are for visitors once baby is here.

After baby arrives:
Make sure DP is taking all their paternity leave
If you are breast feeding DPs job is pretty much everything else in the house during their paternity leave - BF is a full time job by itself.
Take time for yourself between feeds - it's okay to hand baby over to DP and say 'I'm going for a nap/ bath'
Listen to all advice given but only do what feels right to you.
Don't feel you have to entertain when visitors come if they want a cup of tea they can make it (with my first my mum was great and making it clear to family for me that if they turned up to see baby they should have cake for me 😁)
Accept the house work will slip and that is okay.

You don’t need to wash baby clothes before using them, save yourself hours of time! Plus if the baby turns out to be chunky you can return unopened packs of too-small vests etc, you can’t return washed and therefore used things.