To ask for your best "life with a newborn" tips!

[elm26]

I'm 30 weeks and have gone on early mat leave due to Hyperemesis 😢

However, super grateful to be in this position due to many previous miscarriages and I'm planning on using this time to get organised, relax and some gentle exercise.

I've started making a list so I'll be doing all of the usual stuff like washing babies clothes and putting them away in size order etc, I've thought about maybe trying Gousto or Hello Fresh as may be easier to do this for the first few months when we are both knackered?

Any tips, tricks or recommendations to make life easier in the final trimester/early days with a newborn would be so helpful.

Get a sling. If you have a baby that won't be put down, it is an absolute game changer.

When my DH went back to work, I had a day where my DD wouldn't be put down without hysterical crying from 8.20am until gone 1pm. My half made toast was still on the side, I was thirsty and had barely managed to pee. I was in floods of tears and felt helpless.

Once I got a sling I felt like I got some semblance of normality back. I could make myself food whilst satisfying my baby's need to be held.

You won't need half the things you end up buying but I doubt you'll regret buying a sling. I have the Close Caboo and it's worked really well for me.

Try and batch cook meals that don't contain dairy as my DC both had dairy allergies and first time I had to chuck away all my freezer store.

Invest in a mug you can drink hot tea from safely over the baby's head.

Set up little stations - a little basket with wipes / onesie / nappies / cream

If you want to breastfeed get the contact details of your local lactation consultant to keep handy

Snacks and water and tv will get you through the first few weeks

Get yourself comfortable asap with a sling - so so helpful if you build your confidence

Definitely try to sleep when baby sleeps - as many pp's have stated even a 15/20 minute catnap can boost you through the next few hours

Silver nipple shields are the best thing you'll get your hands on for sore nips

Get confident with the car seat and read up on car seat safety!! This is a big one - joint carseatsafety uk on fb as so many of us get those first few journeys wrong with a badly positioned newborn

If your tht way inclined start your hypnobirthing now

If you haven't already... make a pact with DH that baby names are a strict serve et until baby is here. Nothing worse than your MIL or your sister turning their nose up at your most special amazing name you've ever laid eyes on and then feeling it's ruined (hormones)

Get a couple of 'nice' things to lounge around in when guests arrive. I had a few decent new cotton pj sets that make me feel clean and put together in the first weeks

Make your mind up about a newborn photoshoot. Absolutely not everyone's cup of tea but they run the smoothest if baby is less than two weeks old so handy to have an idea if you want to do it and contact details if so...

This is also a personal thing but I prefer to keep babies in sleepsuits 24/7 for the first 6 or so months - so not too many fussy outfits (they all end up in the wash and wee and poosplosions anyway so multiple simple onesies are the way to go!)

Join an NCT group as it was a nice way to make friends and get clued up

Be prepared and draw your line in the sand.

he does half of night feeds from day one
As a minimum - if not all of them whilst you recover

I didn’t do this and we never recovered

all housework is his until you recover - again he expected me to do it all and his life to carry on as normal

get a cleaner for 8 weeks

get a decent tea mug with a lid or spout and a decent water bottle

listen to podcasts

put your feet up

if you don’t want people around don’t have them

don’t do anything you don’t want to do eg a friend suggests popping around or out to meet for coffee

if you have visitors - kick them out and say ‘I’m tired sorry must be a short visit’ etc

eat what you want, cheese on crackers - have it!

have lovely sheets and duvet

keep warm

look after yourself first and bugger everyone else

Get a decent nursing chair - I didn’t buy one for Dc 1 and I did for Dc 2 - worth every penny

When your DP goes back to work, when he is making is lunch for the next day, get him to make you a pack up to. Batch cooking is great for evening meal, a packed lunch in the fridge you can grab and shove in was a game changer. Also making a flask first thing in the morning… hot coffee when it’s needed, no waiting and no need to get off the sofa!

Have a postpartum section of your wardrobe lined up so you can grab clean clothes and don’t have to scrabble around thinking what to wear. Lots of loose trousers in dark colours. My postpartum shape was very different from my pre-pregnancy and pregnancy shapes and that surprised me a lot.

The feeding vests from H&M are great.

Shoes you don’t have to bend down to put on if you want to go out, quickly (it takes about four hours to leave the house with a newborn).

As a PP said, the best tip I can give you is for your partner to take as much time as possible off at the beginning. My DH took two months and it turned out to be essential so I could recover fully from a car crash birth and it allowed him to support me with establishing breastfeeding. It was also a truly, lovely, lovely time together.

be nice to yourself
i bought thank you letters and stamps and me posting a letter to someone (thank you for the baby present), having to get dressed, walk to the postbox etc was something that kept me vaguely sane.

also i saw a thing in a book and someone said "babies. they don't sleep. and then they do" which i wish i'd heard years ago tbh.
and good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My midwife spritz for bits for sore stitches or vagina / vulva. Very much helped here.

Nipple cream isn’t like face cream, it’s made of Lanolin which is a natural oil. It’s hypoallergenic and all natural with little taste so there are no issues with baby ingesting. You also don’t put loads on, you put a tiny pea sized amount on to cover the areola and nipple. It has incredible properties for healing cracked and dry skin fast, which is the point, to protect the mothers breasts while the skin gets used to frequent friction. Excess is likely to be sloughed off into the bra anyway so the baby isn’t getting a mouthful of product the way you’re describing.

Spend time now learning about after the birth, there's so much focus on the birth itself but if you've got the time then learn about feeding (especially if you plan to breastfeed), what to expect from baby in terms of eating, sleeping, pooing etc - and what to do if things aren't quite right. Then you'll spend slightly less time googling 'is X normal for a 3 week old baby'.

Get Amazon prime and if people ask you what you want as a present then Amazon vouchers. There will be so many things you suddenly need / realise will be useful and much less stress in the early days to just know they'll arrive the next day.

Something I read in an article recently 'don't become the expert on the baby'. This will almost certainly mean gritting your teeth as your DP does something in a way you wouldn't but letting him find his way of doing things will help you both - bonding and confidence for him, less being the default parent for you

And definitely a thermal mug with a lid!

I honestly struggled so much to sleep when my first baby came because I was convinced she would wake up the second I closed my eyes. So I just lay there grinding my teeth being angry and ironically wasting sleeping time. So I had to train myself to think "I am just resting my body and that is good for me. Just resting. Resting is great even for 5 minutes!" and shit like that which eventually meant I could sleep.

Your Baby & Child by Penelope Leach is an incredibly sensible baby-rearing guide.

Don’t overstimulate a newborn or infant in the fourth trimester with baby gyms and classes: remember the whole world is new to him/her. They can literally spend an hour just staring at your face for entertainment.

Unscented products and skip perfume in the early weeks so the baby can smell you.

Lansinoh goes a long way – I bought tubes and tubes if the stuff but really only needed one, but it’s good for chapped hands and lips in winter anyway so not wasted.

Metanium is the BEST nappy rash cream. Like a miracle.

You can get a newborn-wise sleeping bag called a GroSnug which can also be used as a swaddle.

Also: sleepsuits that zip from the bottom, or a long nightie called a bundler, are very good for the early days and nights when they poo round the clock and the nappies are so small they don’t hold much. Easier to wrestle with a zip or nothing in the case of the nightie than with poppers.

A little basket for the sofa with phone charger, TV remote, water bottle, Dairy Milk, muslin and nipple cream is vital for long feeds/naps.

Don't check the time or log night feeds and wakings: you’ll be less tired if you just let it all pass in a blur.

Every baby is different so you’ll get lots of ideas here and some will suit your baby and some you’ll want to hurl into space for being so fucking useless – that bloody dream sheep.

Some babies do drowsy but awake but lots don’t; don’t worry about it if yours doesn’t and don’t even attempt it.

Look up the French Le Pause and don’t jump at every time grunt in the night.

Look up some local walks. The newborn days can be long as all they do is sleep. So I got a sling/wrap and we went walking every day. If you’re breastfeeding, you’re so free to go where ever you want without having to take much with you. If you have a bum bag, you can fit a small pack of wipes and some spare nappies in there and you’re good to go.
Also you will get nap trapped or feeding trapped and the remote will be out of reach so as a back up, check if there’s an app for your phone that can control the tele as you’ve got another option then!
Blackout blinds AND curtains. Newborns will sleep anywhere but once they’re a bit older, blackout makes so much difference in the summer when it’s still light out.

Learn about normal baby behaviour from people like Kathryn Stagg and Sarah Ockwell Smith so you're not one of the many new mums posting on here wondering what is wrong with baby for eg not wanting to be put down/not sleeping in the snuzpod/having four hour witching hours etc and considering putting cereal in bottles.

Get contact information for local breastfeeding support group and read about the signs of tongue tie so you can get it treated.

A soft-light nightlight for in the bedroom was one of the best purchases I made. Was able to sort night feeds/nappy changes/breast pumps etc without disturbing DH or DS with a bright light. On the topic of pumping- if you end up doing this, then a mini fridge in the bedroom was also a good purchase as I didn’t have to potter downstairs to the kitchen fridge with the milk once I’d finished pumping. Which is a minor thing but small conveniences can sometimes feel like the biggest wins when you're sleep deprived and just want to get back to bed.

I have hg currently and had it with my dd. I would say that you should consider the amount of muscle wastage you'll have from being less mobile. I had not considered this and was surprisingly weak following my emergency c section. So accept all the help you can get. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed. It really does take a village. Good luck op xxx

I always post this one - if you've got stitches, pee into a clean, sopping wet flannel. Press it against you. Peeing on stitches is no fun.

If you are bf then drink lots of water, get a nice warm hoodie to wear in bed when feeding. Learn to feed lying down.

If they won't sleep much at night give them to your other half for a long cuddle while you go to bed really early to see if you can get a nice long stretch of sleep. Really helped when I was on my last legs.

If they get a cold and are snotty / coughing then prop the head end of the crib / moses basket up on a couple of books. Get one of those revolting snot suckers and put some albas oil on a muslin and leave it somewhere near but not in the crib.

They will wee on everything. Be quick with the nappy change. Have the new one ready and slide it under the old one before undoing and cleaning up.

Like so many posts, do as much as you can before baby arrives. Start DH early taking baby out himself, minimum hour each day, it won't be important initially but you'll be glad as the baby gets older.

@elm26 I'm currently on my 4th hg pregnancy, my newborn tips can't beat the others but HG recovery is really weird and if you're in a position to, I'd recommend when baby is here a few things. (If not your first rodeo, my apologies for my long post!)

Get an appointment with dentist booked ASAP. Explain prior to your appointment how much your teeth have been through, don't put it off, I've needed some of my teeth rebuilding so please get some treatment as soon as possible.
Don't worry about baby weight, enjoy eating whatever you want, at least 6 months, you're more likely to crave "real" foods, so hearty and filled with nutrition anyway. If you fancy it, you eat it!
Drink lots of water, your body had had minimal hydration, invest in one of those big beefy fucking massive bottles, don't just rely on caffine.
Vitamin D and multivitamins and spatone will definitely help replenish your body, you'll probably be absolutely fucked for iron once baby arrives. For at least 6 weeks take the spatone, because your tummy will have been ruined (especially with ondansetron), spatone is much kinder to you and will less likely to bring in more piles than Iron tablets.
Your hair will be fucked, if like me you're a bedridden hg person, you may even have dreadlocks, get DH to have baby, get a really really good trim. My hair fell out after hg2 but returned lush, its not forever. Also bleaching hair if you fancy a good change, please don't do it yourself if that's something you choose, please, your hair will likely just be so damaged. Days in the house with simply resting, stick some hair mask in, get some hydration.
Get a decent lip scrub and mask, I think revolution have combo on asos for quite good ones.
Spoil yourself a bit, obviously some people can afford a new bag, others can afford a new lip balm, but do something nice for you, hg is fucking awful and just remembering you're a person who can enjoy little things again may be helpful.💐

I've lost friends, (not social during pregnancies and people think they're being dropped because you have "morning sickness") I've lost jobs and I had ptsd from the vomiting. (One pregnancy was about 80-100 times a day, I was genuinely traumatised!) And I needed some counselling, if you're feeling anything like this, the week you have a baby, sign up with the NHS because having a baby makes you so vulnerable anyway and they should, ideally, have you some sessions booked then within 12 weeks.

I really really hope that you have a wonderful birth and very chill baby!

Ah lovely ! Special time

get your dental check done and hair cut
make sure to have some nice post partum clothes (doesn’t have to be expensive but cosy sweatshirts and so on) nice bath stuff

deffo cook for the freezer and buy stuff like microwave rice pouches

I will say it’s a nice time and won’t be as crazy as you think

If you read and don't have a kindle already, recommend getting one. Easy to read with a baby in one hand!

I found having white noise or Radio 4 on quietly when trying to put newborn to bed at roughly the same time each night helpful.

And just do whatever you need to get through the first 12 weeks or so and, while keeping things within the bounds of safety, don't sweat about doing it 'right'. You can't create 'bad habits' or 'make a rod for your own back' with a newborn, honestly.

You’ve been given great practical advice on here already, and my contribution is simply to make sure you have tons of chocolate in the house- I swear I might have perished from breastfeeding in those early days without eating Cadbury’s caramel all day long.

On a more serious note, I would suggest that you really don’t have any expectations about how it will go, what your baby will be like, or how you will parent. Just roll with it and have low expectations.

For example, so many people told me to ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’ and so that’s what I assumed I would do. In reality, my newborn would not be put down even for a second. They would wake immediately and if they weren’t being held to sleep, then they were purple-faced screaming to the point of making themselves sick.

It was a real shock and I remember nearly crying with jealousy when my friend with a baby of a similar age put her happy baby into their Moses basket for a nap whilst she pottered around for half an hour tidying and eating breakfast. Unfortunately, some babies are much harder work than others and you don’t know what you’ll get.

Also, I’m really not trying to put a dampener on it for you, but I would make sure that both you and your partner are aware of how challenging the early days in particular can be. Seriously, search for some ‘newborn hell’ type posts on Mumsnet for the both of you to read.

It might not end up being your experience, but my knowing that the newborn days can be very far from the ‘so blessed, never been so in love and so happy snuggles with my newborn’ type posts I always see helped keep me sane and realise that the difficulties we were experiencing were actually completely normal and commonplace.

Otherwise, when things are really hard just keep repeating ‘this is a phase, this won’t last forever’. It really does fly by even though it doesn’t feel like it when you’re in the midst of it.

Wishing the three of you the very best.

Vests and sleepsuits are all you need to buy in terms of baby clothing - proper outfits are just annoying

You basically can’t have enough muslins, and have them all over your home

Get partner to frontload any paternity leave and if that’s not many weeks get them to take annual leave too
 - the first 6 weeks are much harder than the following months

Don’t listen to anyone who says comforting your baby is creating ‘bad habits’/‘a rod for your own back’ - that is nonsense

If you’re planning to breastfeed, join the Breastfeeding and Lactation Support UK group on Facebook now - it has advice from qualified lactation consultants who actually know their stuff unlike a lot of midwives and health visitors unfortunately. Also get the number of your local lactation consultant (make sure they’re IBCLC, those are the best) in case needed