To ask for your best "life with a newborn" tips!

[elm26]

I'm 30 weeks and have gone on early mat leave due to Hyperemesis 😢

However, super grateful to be in this position due to many previous miscarriages and I'm planning on using this time to get organised, relax and some gentle exercise.

I've started making a list so I'll be doing all of the usual stuff like washing babies clothes and putting them away in size order etc, I've thought about maybe trying Gousto or Hello Fresh as may be easier to do this for the first few months when we are both knackered?

Any tips, tricks or recommendations to make life easier in the final trimester/early days with a newborn would be so helpful.

A bedside cot if you are breastfeeding, made a huge difference to us.
Lots of Bolognese and chilli in the freezer.

Two small things on top of all the excellent advice here.

Firstly, swap arms when holding them. I developed cubital tunnel syndrome (like carpal but in the elbow)from always carrying DD in the same arm.

Secondly, midwives are not really able to diagnose posterior tongue tie at all well. I self referred to a clinic and the difference in feeding was amazing.

Batch cook until your freezer can take no more!

Clean all the house particularly all them areas that don't get done very often dusting behind radiators etc as pretty soon they won't be getting done for aaages. (Obviously this depends on your pregnancy health at the time being healthy and not exhausted is more important than a showhome house)

Treat yourself hair cut, nails, massage whatever takes your fancy as again the little things lift you but can seem so hard with little one.

Feels a hard one but don't buy loads of stuff now, yes that modesty cover or gorgeous bassinet may seem essential but when you find your baby hates it later it will just take up space and gather dust.

More than anything else- be gentle with yourself. Pad around in pyjamas for as long as you want. Don't feel under any pressure to be up and about.
Lie in bed with your baby. Watch box sets. Eat, rest. Doze. Cuddle. Order food.
Follow your maternal instincts and ignore people who tell you to do things to hasten your baby's ability to separate from you. You can go to your baby anytime you need or want to. Respond to your baby in whatever way feels right and instinctive. Trust thousands of years of evolution to let you know what to do.

5 month old here.

When I felt overwhelmed I read: imagine you are walking in the door with a crying baby now. Are you set up to feed, change, dress them? It really helped me.

My top survival things:

Get wireless headphones and listen to audio books.

Watch tv with subtitles if it's waking your baby.

Alexa in your bedroom for white noise not the gimmicky gadgets.

Divide and conquer ! One goes to bed with the baby, one sleeps in another room.

Buy multiple of everything so you haven't got to bother washing so much (I stocked up on job lots of cheap babygrows on vinted)

Set up a baby play place in every room (we got multiple second hand bouncers / playmats so you have somewhere to plonk the baby in every room).

remember all of this can be done once baby is here !!! don't stress about it now too much.

I also bought lots of different sized boxes and baskets. I've found a use for all of them and it makes life so much easier to know I have a box for baby medical things, a box for socks etc. Everything has a box or basket it can be quickly chucked in!

Do some life admin. Took me 3 months to pay my council tax bill 😆

Remember to take lots of photos 😀 and videos ! The videos are actually the most precious 🥰🥰🥰

I wasn’t bothered with Hello Fresh / Gusto, so much waste packaging and some recipes were fiddly. I’d batch cook for the freezer and have a list of very low effort recipes. Don’t rush to buy everything before baby here. Take it easy; and remember you’re not the first or last person to have a baby so chill out and don’t have any plans or expectations about it

Also, tell your partner that it js his job to manage visits. Telling people when is good, how long they can stay, making sure he or someone else does the tea. Don't doubt your mothering instinct. Take your baby back. Go upstairs for a nap if you need to.

I don't know how I missed it but I didn't realise you bleed copiously after giving birth. For up to six weeks. And you can't use tampons.
When your milk comes in it is agony. Apparently cabbage leaves in the freezer help (nb don't freeze a whole cabbage. That doesn't work)

Two positives: baby's first poos are very sticky and hard to remove from delicate skin with just cotton pads and water. A nurse shattered my baby's bum with vaseline so those sticky ones slid right off.

Winding a baby: rock them gently so they're bending slightly at the waist (they may have been bigger than newborn at that stage).

Also do jit try to be supermum. Go with what works for you. Postnatal depression is really tough and even baby blues so make your emotions a priority, not trying to be picture perfect or comparing yourself to anyone else.

Slathered not shattered 😂, I wasn't a natural at all that but even I didn't shatter my baby's bum 😂

Thanks everyone so so much!

All of you have put another thing on my list, so helpful!

The self care ones were my faves as I have had depression all my life and I'm worried I will suffer PND.

We are fortunate that DH has his own business and we've managed to save enough to cover him to be off for a whole month if needed.

I've ordered myself some dark cotton nighties with buttons as I'm planning to breastfeed if I can.

We are planning on buying a tub of formula just in case and we've also got about 10 bottles but these are things we can buy after baby is born if it is needed.

I can't have a next to me cot sadly as we are in a 1 bed flat until January next year and it doesn't fit (built in wardrobes), we've had to get a petite cot from M&Ps for opposite the bed.

Nipple cream and shields also noted!

DH loves cooking so will happily batch cook, we do this when we know we have busy weeks coming up so this is a great idea.

I want to order a sling but they all seem so expensive! Will get on with that though and get one ordered as lots of people say they are life savers including friends.

We haven't gone mad with baby clothes as they will likely be in a vest or a light babygrow as we will be heading into summer and I know people end up getting gifted lots of baby clothes. We've got lots of the essentials such as vests and grows, muslins.

This is really great advice

I would add read and understand Gina ford and her schedules before the baby comes (hard to find time to read when baby comes- but my god is her system a game changer).

If using ready made formula at night, each bottle lasts 24 hrs in the fridge.

Open bottle. 1 at 22:00, pour what you need, put rest in fridge with time on.

Repeat through the night.

Use the opened bottles through the day, within time limit, so you're not having to warm through the night when sleepy/baby screaming. It means you can jump up and feed baby on request.

If pumping, invest in a hands free like Elvie. Even if you gave problems with it, it's invaluable compared to a cyubed one.

-Plan & pack your hospital bag soon.
-Don't buy too much. Stick to the absolute essentials and buy other things later on as you need them. But have fun researching things now!
-I loved using the slow cooker for easy dinners.
-Sleep when baby sleeps.
-Research local baby groups you can go to when you're ready.
-Get a car seat and pram sorted ASAP. Don't leave it too late!
-Make up a changing box/basket that can easily be carried round the house.
-I set up a cosy nest for breastfeeding/contact naps. It was my favourite armchair with cushions and blankets. I had everything I needed (muslins, tissues, snacks, water, thermos flask etc) and box sets of tv shows to watch. Bliss.

My most important tip- keep your boundaries firm. Friends and family can visit when you are ready and on your terms.

Op I'd suggest buying stuff second hand. So many people buy things, hardly use and sell on. I got a sling from a charity shop and an ergobaby on vinted. You can always resell afterwards if you need to.

Tubed one*

Cheap bottles from the supermarket are perfect for first stage, rather than expensive tests etc.

Check if hospital have the steriliser bottles and tests, they're perfect at first! No need to wash and sterilise if staying in.

My advice would be to go with the flow. Don't have any preconceived ideas about how it will be, trust your instincts and let the baby lead you.

Read all the parenting books now as you won't have time. I recommend Tracey Hogg.

Partner should take as much time off work as possible post birth. Ideally taking shared parental leave if you want partner to be an equal parent- really helps in the long run as they are fully capable without you having to be the boss of the baby. Work on shifts and write notes to each other in the early days on a shared notepad. You won't remember anything so noting down feeds, sleeps and nappy changes helps build a routine after a few weeks.

Formula on hand even if you plan to breastfeed. Also nipple shields and nipple balm. If breastfeeding - start building a stash with a haka pump. Works on suction and very gentle so can catch letdown from early on. It's a good way of building supply. Also large amounts of porridge. Once you have a stash your partner can do feeds. Nipple confusion never an issue for me or my friends- especially if the bottle comes from another person. Get some bottles in case. Premixed bottles with teats are excellent for early days.

Don't do any baby groups until 8/9months. It's not worth the stress. Just have coffee with friends.

Remember first 12 weeks is the hardest

Don't stand when you can sit, don't sit when you can lie down.

Also, I forgot to add check out if you have a sling library nearby. I tried out three different types of slings before going for one that suited me and my baby. The one I had planned on buying was uncomfortable and I much preferred a ring sling but others felt the opposite.

After feeding/changing the baby and yourself, sleep needs to come next. Everything else can wait.

Don't have visitors or make any appointments before 11am.

Don't compare your experiences or your baby to others.

Be kind on your body. I had a difficult recovery with ds1. It came as a big shock to me. If anything doesn't feel right, get it checked out.

Buy mainly vests and sleepsuits for the first 12 weeks.

Remember you know what is best for your baby.

Pack your going out bag the night before/keep it stocked - how can such a little person need so much stuff and take so long to go anywhere?

The pocket in the bag that you don't know what should go in it is for chocolate 😉

At this age, baby groups are for you, not them. If you like them, go. If not, don't bother

DH and I had a pact that if one of us was tired the other one needed to approach it as "I hear you" rather than "well I'm more tired" even though I WAS more tired. You're allowed to both be tired!

IME only, but if you're bf, offering a feed solves most problems. Ignore anyone who says "they can't possibly need a feed again!" I didn't think of it as each bf is a full meal - if you're ebf then it's their only nourishment. So, if you might have a sandwich for lunch, then two cuppas in the afternoon, then a glass of wine while you cook dinner, then eat dinner, then a couple of chocs in the evening, each of of those is a bf for a baby! (I appreciate there's more science behind cluster feeding really)

When I was bf and struggling, I used to take it one feed at a time - as in, I told myself "I can switch to formula any time, it is perfectly safe and fine for baby, but right now I am choosing to bf for this feed" . I definitely felt trapped by bf sometimes but this mantra helped me

Get something like a ContingoTravel Mug that has a non spill lid and is insulated so that it is safe around the baby and won't spill or drip like a normal mug, or require unscrewing a cap when feeding but will keep drinks hot or cold for you.

Things I learnt after having my first:

Keep a caddy/basket/box in each room I'm likely to feed/change baby and keep it stocked with:
Water/juice cartons
Snacks
Nappies
Muslins
Spare sleepsuit
Wipes
Nappy bags
Hand cream/lip balm

Batch cook and freeze in portions - simple 1 pot meals

Play to your strengths - I only breastfed both dds for the first 3 months. Then after that, DH took over the night feeds as he can easily go back to sleep once baby is settled, I don't and it would take me ages to get back to sleep, 30 mins later, baby would wake again.
Or if you are breastfeeding, make sure DH pulls his weight with other jobs (nappy changing, contact napping, cleaning, laundry, letting you nap)

So many helpful tips and advice!

I'm booked in for hair, mani, pedi and eyebrows about 2 weeks before due date but she'll probs come early knowing my luck haha! X

All of these! Don't bother with hello fresh. Buy a spare freezer and fill it with batch cooked meals that you can put in the microwave.

Also sleep in shifts for the first few weeks.

I had a basket with nappies wipes muslins etc in our lounge aswell as upstairs in the nursery so that I always had things near to hand wherever I was feeding.

2 moses baskets one for downstairs and one for upstairs and Make sure you have a more than a few mattress covers for moses basket ( or whatever the baby will sleep in) for the times when they bring feeds up just as you've laid them down in to a nice clean crib!!
Get your hair trimmed/coloured eyebrows tinted whatever you like to do now for selfcare as near as you can to due date because you may find you dont have the inclination to do anything for atleast 6 weeks after but it's still nice to feel nice!! But pencil in them appointments for after also and make sure your Dp is going to have the baby, set the precedence that these are still part of your routine!!!
Finally make sure that you sleep when the baby sleeps!!