To judge - long term time holiday in year 11

[johnjomcflynn]

My DD is furious today. One of her best friends flew off to New Zealand yesterday for a month to attend a family wedding.
The girls are in yr11, so about to sit GCSEs. Her friend will miss 3 weeks of school and return home in the Easter holidays.
DD is feeling the pressure at school, is being a typical hormonal teen, but is now doubly pissed of that she needs to stay here and revise but her friend was allowed to swan off on holiday. It's really not helped with her motivation!
I'm just thinking WTF, it's year 11, GCSE YEAR! It's a cousin getting married, only a small number of family members live there (they emigrated from the UK).
On the one hand it's an amazing opportunity to travel and have new experiences, but now is the worst possible time to do it.
(School are setting work but they will get fined, family accept that).
AIBU to judge? It's not my child but it's kind of affecting my child (and of course I'm a little bit jealous...!)

YABU to judge its nothing to do with you and your DC needs to worry about themselves not friends! It is really not effecting your child in anyway.

It's absolutely nothing to do with you and your DD is being ridiculous. Concentrate on your own lives.

Yep .. not your circus, not your monkeys

A lot of schools will have fished the curriculum by now, so it’s revision. You have no idea what arrangements have been made with school, or what she will be doing when she is there.

Green eyed monster from you are your daughter …

I guess you can judge if you want but the family have obviously weighed it up and made the decision they thought was the right one. Your DD may see it as she has to revise and friend gets to go on the trip but in reality I'm assuming she wasn't invited on the trip anyway so it isn't really the case. Friend may have stayed home and done the exact same amount of revision she does on the trip. Hope your DD gets on ok with her exams.

Why haven't you just said "tough luck" to dd and all moved on?

Why don't you tell your dd what an amazing time her friend will have and how lucky she is. It really is none of your business

Wtf has it got to do with you and your daughter? 🤣

So weird to get worked up like it effects you in any way.

Also, how much new stuff are they learning at this point in the year? Isn't it all revision and mock tests? So maybe her parents are maintaining revision levels abroad.

So funny. I'd have benefits from going abroad and starting revision early on holiday. Hilarious. Better stop the green eyed monster now OP before you humiliate yourself irl. Get on with helping your own dd revise.

YABU

None of your business,my year 11_son has spent the past three weeks in critical care,due to.life threatening condition , it's doubtful he will be able to.sir all.if his exams if any8 thankfully t getting better every day ) I have come to.realise ,that GCSE,s are not the be all.and end all.there are always options

It's a dreadful thing to do do to a kid on the cusp of their exams. None of the disruption and damage is alleviated by how nice it may be when you get there.

But it makes no difference to your dd. It has nothing to do with her and I'd be talking to her now about not building some victim complex around it and pretending that she will incur a motivation tax. 🙄

IABU! I'm very envious, as is DD! I have told her it's tough luck, that her friend is really lucky.
When I've seen other threads on MN about holidays at this time if year in yr11 the responses are usually that they are a no no. But as you all say, it's none of my business (apart from it making my DD even more insufferable )

It's really none of your business. But if you care enough to start a thread on here about it.l then I can see why your dd is also massively overreacting too.

Your child needs to focus on her exams and start minding her own business

Your DD is BVU, it’s not affecting her

All sounds a very over-dramatic response

It's a life lesson for your DD then isn't it!

Yabu. If you want to live in a more socially controlling society you could perhaps investigate a move to China?

I don't even agree with the fines.

Wow what a lot of drama. Literally doesn't matter to you or your DD. Why is she so interested in what others are doing?

Yep you're right the friend is lucky to have the opportunity. Not everyone is motivated enough to revise whilst away either.

It's an anonymous forum where I can say things out loud that would possibly make me look like a total pillock if I said then IRL. Surely there are loads of posts on MN (and the internet in general)where people express things that they'd never confess to to friends / family?
My DD has no idea how I feel, but is behaving like a pretty typical hormonal teen who thinks the world revolves around her and that she is being treated really unjustly. It's just an exaggerated version of "but all my friends are allowed to be on SnapChat till 1am every night!!"

I wouldn’t be envious I’d be stressed if I was her mate. Presumably she hasn’t had a choice if her family are going.
She might not care but she might. Might affect her life choices eg if she doesn’t get c equivalent in maths or English or has to go to college as she misses grades for sixth form.
I’d be of the never mind what mate is doing it’s best for you to be in school and revise.

I'd judge too. All the "I've never judged anyone ever posters" are being disingenuous, it's ok to judge. Just keep it to MN / partner / your safe space whilst telling the teen to suck it up cos she wouldn't be going to NZ any way

I wouldn’t have told your dd that her friend is lucky. When your dd complained with jealousy, I would have told your dd that her friend has some mightily irresponsible parents.

Haha fair enough.

I wouldn't take mine out for just a normal holiday but I guess a wedding is different and she can revise while she's away.

I do always wonder how much revision kids this age actually do once all the classroom learning is done anyway. I know I didn't do half as much as my Mum thought I was doing and that was just with Heat magazine and TV as a distraction, never mind smart phones etc! 🤣

AIBU to judge? It's not my child but it's kind of affecting my child (and of course I'm a little bit jealous...!)

It’s not affecting your child at all, don’t be ridiculous.

Another family are free to do what they think is best for their children and you are free to do the same.
You can’t expect other people to follow your rules because you can’t cope with your teenager (and yourself) being jealous.