To judge - long term time holiday in year 11

[johnjomcflynn]

My DD is furious today. One of her best friends flew off to New Zealand yesterday for a month to attend a family wedding.
The girls are in yr11, so about to sit GCSEs. Her friend will miss 3 weeks of school and return home in the Easter holidays.
DD is feeling the pressure at school, is being a typical hormonal teen, but is now doubly pissed of that she needs to stay here and revise but her friend was allowed to swan off on holiday. It's really not helped with her motivation!
I'm just thinking WTF, it's year 11, GCSE YEAR! It's a cousin getting married, only a small number of family members live there (they emigrated from the UK).
On the one hand it's an amazing opportunity to travel and have new experiences, but now is the worst possible time to do it.
(School are setting work but they will get fined, family accept that).
AIBU to judge? It's not my child but it's kind of affecting my child (and of course I'm a little bit jealous...!)

Maybe you should encourage your dd to consider that it could be quite stressful for her friend- she won’t be able to enjoy her holiday as much as she would if it wasn’t exam time. She also doesn’t have her family near her all year round…so that’s not great either. Yes this trip will be good and I’m sure she’s “lucky” on some levels but also unlucky on others. I always live by the “if you want one aspect of someone else’s life you’d need to want it all” it’s not a pick and mix.

Mine was still covering actual content until late April/early May in some yr 11 subjects last year - maybe as a result Covid.
Average could mean all ok eg she’s not bothered if she gets 4s or 5s or it backfires and she gets a 3 in maths and has to resit. I really wouldn’t get involved.

YABU- I would try to avoid taking a child in YR11 out of school but I think each family should be able to decide what the right decision is for them. Presumably she can work a little out there/revise.Really though it’s not any of your business.

As for the impact on your daughter. Other people go on holidays. That’s life.

It's nothing to do with you. And your daughter sounds like a drama llama.

Nothing to do with you OR your DD. She needs a lesson in winding her neck in.

I suspect your DD will have a different take on this on results day. I doubt there will be much jealousy then.

I'm also surprised there's any jealousy. These are 16 year olds. If this was my friend I'd feel sorry for them. They're aware of how important this year is and how soon exams are. I have 0 jealousy. This girls parents have slashed her chances of passing and robbed her of spending her last few months with her friends before it all changes. All for a winter in New Zealand. No thanks.

As long as your actions are only hurting the one who has control of this situation… oh wait😒

'Not your circus. Not your monkeys'.
Perfect.

Why do you care? I'm taking my boy out of reception next year to save 1.5k on a holiday. Everyone can think whatever they want. We haven't been on a holiday since before he was born and it'll be special

Yes but he is hardly sitting his GCSES this year is he?

Not that I agree with the OPs angst but this comment is not at all similar.

I would think by Year 11, your DD would be mature enough to realise that life can be unfair & we can’t all go on month long holidays when we feel like it. She isn’t 8. She needs to grow up.

Your reception kid? I know some people like to travel through MN scanning for offense but this contorted equivalence is ridiculous.

Yeah this.

It's not like she has the choice to go away.

Sorry for the ridiculously hard time you’re getting, OP.

To be honest - good luck to them, with all the recent weather events we’ve been having. Hopefully the wedding won’t be washed out!

We go over to the UK/Ireland every other year for a month, but next year, we will shorten it because DS will be in Year 11, and we don’t think it’s right to take him out of school. So YANBU on that front.

I think it’s one of those things that you just have to breezily say to DD, ‘yes, lucky them, they’ll have a great time! Right, [change the subject]’.

And then each time she brings it up, take the same approach.

I get it - the whole thing is exacerbated because your DD feels so aggrieved!

However unreasonable you think I am for judging the family, you can't honestly think that a month long holiday just as GCSEs start is the same as taking a reception class child out for a week, can you?

Your reception kid?!

Yeah, that’s the same….

Unfortunately she's a stroppy teen who doesn't have the love of learning that I hoped she would have, however much we try and encourage her. She knows she has to knuckle down now, but she doesn't really want to. So getting Snap Chats and voice notes about white water rafting, sailing and days on the beach are not going to help her motivation!!!

She’s 15.

Right at peak ‘the worlds not fair mode’, surely.

But you’re right - at 15 she does, literally, need to grow up. Because she’s still a kid.

@JudgyVonHolierThanThou thank you. I think my DD is a perfectly normal (I.e really bloody annoying and irrational) teen!

I'd love to see your 15 year old be this mature.

I feel quite bad for the other girl. If she's at all conscientious, she'll be worrying about her exams and not able to relax and enjoy the wedding as much as the rest of the family.

Great for you dd, though! Best friends are great, but quite distracting when you need to get on with revision!

Whether her friend is lucky or not remains to be seen (on GCSE results day).

MN is so weird sometimes.

I guarantee op if you'd have said that you were thinking of your pulling your year 11 dd out of school for 3 weeks to save a bit of cash on a holiday then the vast majority of posters would have piled in here jumping over themselves to say how selfish you are being and how you are going to ruin your dd's future, but because it's about SOMEONE ELSE then god forbid you 'judge' them. This is despite the post being on the AIBU board which is literally the whole point of AIBU

100% @Untrusting.