My partner having a lodger

Biilie82 · 2023-03-11T20:51:25+00:00

So I don’t live with my partner and that isn’t the plan anytime soon. he has recently decided to take a lodger in so he can make more money. He is in a very high paying job, money is not an issue to him, just says he might as well make an income from his spare room. His house is small and you can hear everything in the next room. I don’t feel as comfortable when I go now, it feels like a hotel and not a home, the lodger is fine- nice enough guy, but I don’t particularly want to make convo with him in the morning making a brew. I know it’s not my place and feel free to tell me IABU, just wondered if it would bother anyone else or if I’m just very antisocial!!

Ponderingwindow · 11/03/2023 20:58

That would bother me enough that it would be the end of me visiting the home. I don’t like sharing spaces with people who are not extremely close and personally chosen. I don’t really care of that makes me antisocial.

it would probably be the death knell of a relationship if it is meant to be more than casual. At this point in my life I have enough perspective to recognize that the type of person who would agree to a stranger living in their home is not a type of person with whom I can successfully form a strong, lasting serious relationship.

Badger1970 · 11/03/2023 21:01

Dh had 2 lodgers when we met, and it drove me mad. It was a small 3 bed semi with 2 double rooms and 1 box room.. with 3 of them living there. I didn't stop overnight very often as I never could relax. When he asked me to move in, I only said that I would if the lodgers left.

CaroleSinger · 11/03/2023 21:13

Badger1970 · 11/03/2023 21:01

Dh had 2 lodgers when we met, and it drove me mad. It was a small 3 bed semi with 2 double rooms and 1 box room.. with 3 of them living there. I didn't stop overnight very often as I never could relax. When he asked me to move in, I only said that I would if the lodgers left.

And did they?

roses2 · 11/03/2023 21:14

How old are you both? If in your 20s I'd say don't let it bother you. If > 35 then fair enough.

I had lodgers until 35 when DH and I got married. We weren't living together before marriage so renting out a room made sense. The extra money meant more to spend on luxuries.

Original poster

Biilie82 · 11/03/2023 21:15

Ponderingwindow · 11/03/2023 20:58

That would bother me enough that it would be the end of me visiting the home. I don’t like sharing spaces with people who are not extremely close and personally chosen. I don’t really care of that makes me antisocial.

it would probably be the death knell of a relationship if it is meant to be more than casual. At this point in my life I have enough perspective to recognize that the type of person who would agree to a stranger living in their home is not a type of person with whom I can successfully form a strong, lasting serious relationship.

Thank you! We are not in our 20’s living in uni accommodation!! I feel like you, I just want to be around the person I’ve chosen to see. I feel really uncomfortable now but wasn’t sure if I was being a cow!!!

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Original poster

Biilie82 · 11/03/2023 21:16

Badger1970 · 11/03/2023 21:01

Dh had 2 lodgers when we met, and it drove me mad. It was a small 3 bed semi with 2 double rooms and 1 box room.. with 3 of them living there. I didn't stop overnight very often as I never could relax. When he asked me to move in, I only said that I would if the lodgers left.

What happened!! Glad some ppl feel similar to me!!

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Oakorn · 11/03/2023 21:17

roses2 · 11/03/2023 21:14

How old are you both? If in your 20s I'd say don't let it bother you. If > 35 then fair enough.

I had lodgers until 35 when DH and I got married. We weren't living together before marriage so renting out a room made sense. The extra money meant more to spend on luxuries.

Why does this matter?

Suzi888 · 11/03/2023 21:19

It’s something you do when young imo. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Or older and in need of income. Awkward YABU to be uncomfortable but it’s his home.

Suzi888 · 11/03/2023 21:19

Sorry YANBU

MrsBunnyEars · 11/03/2023 21:21

I’d hate this, and couldn’t fully relax with a stranger in the house (and they’d feel like a stranger to me for a loooooong time).

Bigmirrorssmallrooms · 11/03/2023 21:21

When you say partner how long have you been together?

I’ve said you’re not unreasonable but I can’t see why he can’t come to yours if it’s an issue for you?

Original poster

Biilie82 · 11/03/2023 21:23

roses2 · 11/03/2023 21:14

How old are you both? If in your 20s I'd say don't let it bother you. If > 35 then fair enough.

I had lodgers until 35 when DH and I got married. We weren't living together before marriage so renting out a room made sense. The extra money meant more to spend on luxuries.

Mid forties and does not need the money, I find it strange!!!

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Champooforyou · 11/03/2023 21:23

I think you'd need to be earning a lot as a single person to not be feeling the squeeze now, he probably could use the £500 a month or whatever.
Why can't he come to yours?

Aquamarine1029 · 11/03/2023 21:24

This wouldn't work for me. At. All. I also think it might be indicative of how he feels about your relationship. I find it hard to believe that he's all that into to you to bring in a lodger when he doesn't even need to.

Original poster

Biilie82 · 11/03/2023 21:25

Bigmirrorssmallrooms · 11/03/2023 21:21

When you say partner how long have you been together?

I’ve said you’re not unreasonable but I can’t see why he can’t come to yours if it’s an issue for you?

We have been together a cpl of years, he can come to mine when I don’t have my kids but we used to alternate

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Original poster

Biilie82 · 11/03/2023 21:26

Aquamarine1029 · 11/03/2023 21:24

This wouldn't work for me. At. All. I also think it might be indicative of how he feels about your relationship. I find it hard to believe that he's all that into to you to bring in a lodger when he doesn't even need to.

Maybe this is part of why it bothers me, shows he is just not that bothered about me!! I don’t know 🤷‍♀️

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Original poster

Biilie82 · 11/03/2023 21:29

Champooforyou · 11/03/2023 21:23

I think you'd need to be earning a lot as a single person to not be feeling the squeeze now, he probably could use the £500 a month or whatever.
Why can't he come to yours?

He is earning a lot, and his bills are low. Think he’s just got the mentality of making money in any way possible!
he can come to mine of course, just a shame really as I used to love his house and spending time with him there

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Nanny0gg · 11/03/2023 21:33

Biilie82 · 11/03/2023 21:29

He is earning a lot, and his bills are low. Think he’s just got the mentality of making money in any way possible!
he can come to mine of course, just a shame really as I used to love his house and spending time with him there

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So will he contribute if it's at yours all the time?

Original poster

Biilie82 · 11/03/2023 21:42

Nanny0gg · 11/03/2023 21:33

So will he contribute if it's at yours all the time?

Show quote history

God I don’t know! It was really equal before, so neither of us ‘contributed’ so to speak!!

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SweetFarmKitty · 11/03/2023 22:01

Is the lodger a stranger to your BF? I think that would make a difference to me, better if a friend if that makes sense.

Original poster

Biilie82 · 11/03/2023 22:03

SweetFarmKitty · 11/03/2023 22:01

Is the lodger a stranger to your BF? I think that would make a difference to me, better if a friend if that makes sense.

they are a stranger, he advertised the room and chose one from that, I agree- a friend would have probably felt different for some reason x

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Mumoftwogirls23 · 11/03/2023 22:05

My ex bf got a lodger in. We were laying in bed one morning (naked, as you do) and his lodger came in, with a full fry up and made us breakfast in bed. Safe to say it was the most awkward experience ever, and he sat on the end of the bed and chatted to us for a bit. It didn’t last long … neither did the relationship mind you🤣

SweetFarmKitty · 11/03/2023 22:06

In that case I might feel funny about it too, especially if it's a small home. Have you spoken about the future or is it quite casual between you?

Original poster

Biilie82 · 11/03/2023 22:11

Mumoftwogirls23 · 11/03/2023 22:05

My ex bf got a lodger in. We were laying in bed one morning (naked, as you do) and his lodger came in, with a full fry up and made us breakfast in bed. Safe to say it was the most awkward experience ever, and he sat on the end of the bed and chatted to us for a bit. It didn’t last long … neither did the relationship mind you🤣

Good god! Things like this gave me dying!!
ive found the waiting for the bathroom, akward meetings in the kitchen just wanting a brew in my PJs excruciating!!
don’t know what this means for us to be honest!

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Original poster

Biilie82 · 11/03/2023 22:13

SweetFarmKitty · 11/03/2023 22:06

In that case I might feel funny about it too, especially if it's a small home. Have you spoken about the future or is it quite casual between you?

It’s a small house! Think new build terrace, 2 bedrooms. He started to say he was just ‘rattling’ around in it, like it was large!? And said he might as well profit from it 🤷‍♀️
it’s just a different mentality to my own.
we have no plans to move in together anytime soon, but this makes me think that it is not on his radar at all!

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