Husband doesn't believe me about porn

[fruitstick]

We are both late 40s and been together for 28 years. DH doesn't use porn (I do believe him about this)

We have a teenage son.

DH's attitude to porn very much based on Razzle and 70s underwear catalogues.

This morning I said that there were things is was shocked by that young people think normalised in sex that I would never consider.

I mentioned choking, and how this was now something that occurs that would never have done in the 90s.

He then was very patronising and said that wasn't true.

Can you find me some statistics on this without me having to Google 'choking during sex'

Which part does he think isn’t true?

That there’s choking in porn or that there was never choking in porn in the 1990s?

What kind of “statistic” do you want? Why are you too lazy to look up your own statistics? Everyone else on here would just be googling to get them.

There’s choking in porn. There’s choking in real sex too. There was choking in porn in the 90s and there was choking in real sex in the 90s.

Post in the feminism board, you'll get far more helpful answers than the above.

I’d recommend looking at Dr Gail Dines’ work. She wrote Pornland, and runs an anti-pornography education programme called Culture Reframed. If you can stomach it there are also testimonials by women who have previously worked in porn on YouTube, and the Netflix documentary Hot Girls Wanted.

Your husband is showing wilful Ignorance, or is lying. This shit is easily found as it’s incredibly popular.

It's strangling and YANBU. I think 'choking' has been adopted to make it seem more innocuous.

There have been threads on here from women that have had a man's hands around her neck during sex without any prior discussion.

I think anal is expected and 'normal' too.

You're fun

Eh? Your OP didn’t warrant a “fun” response.

It's not 'lazy' to not want to google it because of the obvious results she'd get?

You’re half right. Which half does he think is untrue?

I think I'd just sit him down at the computer, with no age/security restrictions on search engines and do a keyword search and look at the number of hits.

@Oakorn I was expecting a 'fun' response, but I wasn't expecting a 'you know so little about this why don't you fuck off' response

I actually might. DH is quite squeamish about these things.

Do you think any of the rest of us would get different results? If OP is happy to have conversations both with her DH and on a public forum about choking in porn then why doesn’t she feel comfortable searching on Google? And, if she’s after statistics, why not look on Google Scholar where there won’t be porn?

Oh I see, he may not believe strangulation "breathe play" (NOTHING playful about it) happened in the 90s?

Well it happened to me in 1999. I was 18. I thought I was going to die. The guy didn't take his hand off me until he came. Presumably my panic was the turn on.

I'm sure it did occur in the 90s but not in any way that I or any of my friends would have encountered it.

What I mean is that it is now more normalised as something that happens in regular sex.

At no point was that said?! Are you going to get incredibly offended by anyone who doesn’t just say “you’re absolutely right on everything all of the time even though you haven’t actually clarified what your DH even disagreed with”.

I agree that you're both sort of right - things are more mainstream now that weren't - and not for the good, but these aren't new things by any stretch. Many of the acts you hear about being around now, have been around for years, the issue is it used to be wholly by request/consensual rather than by expectation.

I think I've encountered most acts consensually and by request over the years, including many things that still aren't considered normal - but it does worry me that choking and the like are seen as 'normal' due to the proliferation of porn and that can and does have dire consequences for anyone who doesn't consent.

It was never pre-discussed. Definitely non-consensual. Again, that's part of the turn on.

It’s pretty naive to think you know what your friends like or experienced in bed. In the 1990s, people tended not to disclose their preferences to their friends.

Again, is your DH saying he doesn’t believe that choking happens in porn? Or is he saying that there was also choking in porn in the 1990s?

I shall look her up. Thank you.

If your DH does think that he definitely has not read about the influence of porn in recent years.

And does not watch it.

Have a look at CEASE UK: cease.org.uk/ they have some good info on the impact of porn.

Can you find me some statistics on this without me having to Google 'choking during sex'

No.

Yes I believe porn these days makes many degrading acts seem normal I think. I worry for young daughters experiencing boyfriends who have been watching this shit from a very young age before they have any real experience of a proper relationship. Society would be a better place without porn especially for women

Fun response to how extreme, easily accessible free porn has got? That's leaving out the statistics for trafficking the women etc. As said you should have just shown him. Everyone should be aware of this, especially fathers, or male figures in a male teens life. Sex education should now include consent, no pressure and discussing the extremes.

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I'm getting real palpitations and sweaty palms at the thought of your terror.
I hate porn for this very reason - bad stuff gets normalised.