‘What do you want for Mother’s Day’

[Babooshka1990]

First Mother’s Day and he’s said if expect a gift he has no idea what to get me, and I should send him a link. If I want to go anywhere I should tell him where and when.

AIBU to think it can’t be that hard to arrange a thoughtful surprise, and it’s his responsibility as the gift-giver?

Flowers, framed picture, spa voucher, or a breakfast reservation. I feel like it’s not that hard to plan/ choose something nice. I don’t really see the point if I’m making my own arrangements.

I don’t get being annoyed with someone for admitting they didn’t know what to do or what was expected for the first Mother’s Day of the mother of his child and wanting to know what the mother
wanted to do.

I think it’s nice that they care enough to ask not wanting to make assumptions or get the wrong thing, especially with it being the first one.

Not all mums want the same things and obviously the day is seen and spent in different ways.

The last place I would want to be is in a restaurant on Mother’s Day and definitely not a spa. Framed picture, brings back memories of a Mother’s Day card with a picture I would have never chosen in my life even if under duress and flowers are a no-go because our autistic DS8 would have turned them into potpourri (has done it in the past and the reason we don’t do a Christmas tree in our home).

Mine is an older teen now. If he turns up to meet me for a coffee, pulls a battered bunch of supermarket flowers out of his bag and a wee card I’ll be the happiest mum because he’s adorable and funny and I love squashed supermarket flowers from my son. It’s just really cute, reminds me of sticky fingers and I’ve cream all over his face when he was little. I love it!

I think it’s perfect okay to ask. It means he does what it to be nice and wants you to have something you actually like.

If this were really the case, then the OP could tell him "Ok, these are the kinds of things that I'd always like'. And then her dh will never ever have a problem thinking of anything, right? Unless of course it's actually that he can't be arsed, doesn't want to get her anything, and is (maybe subconsciously) hoping that if he makes her put in the effort, she'll stop expecting him to.

It wouldn't occur to me to do that. I have never thought of Mother's Day as a day that involves presents, just a card and maybe flowers. The idea that there are specific first MD gifts is very weird to me.

If DH had ever expected a FD gift I'd have been stumped too like OP's DH.

Some plants for the garden and I'm sorted

No children myself and my mum passed a long time ago, i enjoy picking the gifts for my partners mum

Mothers day isn't about monetary gifts though, or is it?

I've never wanted a spa day, fancy meal out or expensive gifts thankfuly for DH but I would say the first few years of parenthood (of which I consider I did about 95% as I was at home and DH worked long hours) was quite a big adjustment and pretty lonely at times. I don't think its too entitled or greedy to think a card or bunch of flowers might show some acknowledgement of that.

When your child was a baby, you helped it by dressing it, feeding it, etc, I presume? You didn't shrug your shoulders and wait until it could do those things itself?

What is so very different about a dad stepping in to get something on behalf of the baby to get a present for its mum, and vice versa?

My children are adults now and know exactly what to buy me for MD. They get me a bottle of gin - to replace the ones they bought me for Christmas which I’ve finished!

Get him to buy you a spa break op, one of those ones where you get prosecco too

Well tell him outright this is disappointing, and what you want is to feel like someone's put some genuine thought into you rather than you doing all the thinking.

Oh, for goodness sake! He wants to avoid disappointing you - what's wrong with that?

What I don't want is to have to cook for my husbands Mum, Dad, Aunt and Uncle but hey ho.. Apparently it's the only weekend everyone can do 🙄

I'm not fussed about presents but I'd like to go out for the day with husband and kids, that would be nice.

My first mother's day I didn't even get a "happy mother's day", which was all I wanted.

Perhaps he's scared that he will buy you the wrong thing and you will start a thread about him on MN about the crap MD gift you received.

@Bridgeth29

thats terrible

@Bridgeth29 fuming for you that’s so disappointing!

A lie in and breakfast in bed would be ideal. Doesn't have to cost a fortune or be materialistic.

What would you like?

Tell him cuisine and neighbourhood. Types of flowers, florist, scents or experience.

Why would you want someone else to choose where you go for a meal? I hate it when someone doesn’t want to go to my favourite Thai place!

Also, just go to Tesco and buy yourself flowers and anything else you fancy. I never get anything so that’s what I’ve just done!

I'd quite like some new printer ink. And cheese.

@whiteroseredrose I'm with you on this. A nice bunch of daffs and your dinner cooked, no drama just a nice day.

This is about knowing your partner, which is why I advocated being frank with him.

I am not a fussy person, I would probably be happy with pretty much anything my partner got me. But what I want, is a surprise. I do most of the thinking for the family - what to have for dinner, what to get for birthday's and Christmas etc. A nice treat for me is somebody else doing that for once. I would be unlikely to be disappointed by anything someone got for me, but what would disappoint me, is having to come up with it myself.

Some are different and are fussy about what they get and would rather give instructions. But not everyone is the same.