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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘What do you want for Mother’s Day’

111 replies

Babooshka1990 · 11/03/2023 03:28

First Mother’s Day and he’s said if expect a gift he has no idea what to get me, and I should send him a link. If I want to go anywhere I should tell him where and when.

AIBU to think it can’t be that hard to arrange a thoughtful surprise, and it’s his responsibility as the gift-giver?

Flowers, framed picture, spa voucher, or a breakfast reservation. I feel like it’s not that hard to plan/ choose something nice. I don’t really see the point if I’m making my own arrangements.

OP posts:
Fizbosshoes · 11/03/2023 08:25

I didn't wait to be asked! Blush I said "if you need any ideas for mothers day I'd quite like xx" (a practical item that is about £12.) I will likely get my favourite brand of chocolate as well.
One year DD chose a decorative sign, and a bell that said ring for chocolate. Both useless and DH whinged to me about how expensive and useless they were! But I didn't ask for them! or particularly want them Even years later he grumbled about how much of a rip off the sign was! 😂

imnotthatkindofmum · 11/03/2023 09:12

Babooshka1990 · 11/03/2023 03:28

First Mother’s Day and he’s said if expect a gift he has no idea what to get me, and I should send him a link. If I want to go anywhere I should tell him where and when.

AIBU to think it can’t be that hard to arrange a thoughtful surprise, and it’s his responsibility as the gift-giver?

Flowers, framed picture, spa voucher, or a breakfast reservation. I feel like it’s not that hard to plan/ choose something nice. I don’t really see the point if I’m making my own arrangements.

Tell him you want a day and night off away from the house by yourself with no responsibilities and nothing extra to do when you get back. In fact you'd like him to do all the chores, brain work and kid stuff as timely as you would do them so you don't stress while you're away that you'll have so much to do when you get back.

I have said this for the last 10 years. I never got it because he knows he wont achieve it. Instead he uses his brain and buys me something nice instead. So a small win but still waiting for my dream day off.

(Disclaimer: before anyone says Ltb. No I won't because he's my bastard and I love him. And also I'm well able to tell him what a useless knob he is. And I frequently do.)

Confusion101 · 11/03/2023 10:43

I voted YABU. Often there are threads on here where women have been disappointed by the gift they've received or have received nothing. He is asking to avoid the disappointment. I do the same for my OH for his birthday. If he says a surprise he can't get disappointed by the gift I then get him.

Similar to a PP, I also didn't wait to be asked, and told him what I expected of the day.

Flowers, framed picture, spa voucher, or a breakfast reservation.... There's women in my life who would hate at least one, if not all of that list. But if you want to be somewhat surprised, send him a few options rather than one thing. I don't see the big deal.

butterfliedtwo · 11/03/2023 10:46

I don't see the problem. If you tell him what you want you avoid disappointment.

NurseCranesRolodex · 11/03/2023 10:50

Set up your expectations to be met now, or this will be an upsetting story of your life from now on. Some DP's are utterly crap in this way. Get them used to what you'd like now!!!

edwinbear · 11/03/2023 11:16

DH asked me last night what I wanted for Mothers Day, I’d like some new No.7 skin care stuff, so I sent him the links. He wouldn’t have a clue which items I’d like and I’d much rather he asked, and I got something I really would like.

He also asked what I’d like to do for lunch/dinner. DS is playing rugby all day, DH would happily arrange dinner out that evening if I wanted, but actually, on a Sunday evening, after a day at a rugby tournament, I’d prefer to come home to fillet steak, chips, rocket salad & peppercorn sauce. So that’s what we’re doing and I’m really pleased we’ve discussed it and I’m really looking forward to it.

PaigeMatthews · 11/03/2023 11:18

if this is the first one, you need to set your expectations.

’id like a gift and a nice day out. Ill leave the details to you. Thank you.’

ShandaLear · 11/03/2023 11:20

“I can’t think of anything.”

”You’re not that stupid, surely.”

Twizbe · 11/03/2023 11:28

Why can't you set the expectations for Mother's Day? Especially as this is the first one.

Every year I've said to my DH that the usual chocolates and flowers are enough (my birthday is usually very close to Mother's Day and I prefer to celebrate that) I don't see anything wrong with telling him that.

huffyhufferson · 11/03/2023 11:36

'What do I want for Mother's Day?'
My mum. 😪

lanthanum · 11/03/2023 11:56

MavisMcMinty · 11/03/2023 03:40

Going by other threads I’ve read on the subject, might I suggest that if you’re also expecting DH to get you a Mothers Day present “from your baby”, tell him now? Save yourself a second thread on Mumsnet after The Big Day.

Yes, seeing the thread title, I wondered if now was a good time to post a thread saying "If you have expectations for mothers day, then make those clear to your family now." So often people seem to build up their own expectations in their head, only to be disappointed. Not all families do the same things, so your other half may not have the same expectations. Or he may be scared of getting it wrong. Or he may not know realise it's coming. Or he may have assumed that because the pre-school made cards with the kids, the school will take care of it too. Or he may just not have thought of the fact that the 3 year old can't do anything on their own. Or that the pre-teen still needs help and encouragement. Or that the teen needs reminding.

OP: "Flowers, framed picture, spa voucher, or a breakfast reservation."
That's what you need to tell him. If you don't give him a clue, he'll either get it wrong or be worried that he has. (Me - I wouldn't want any of those!)

BloodyThursday · 11/03/2023 12:01

I think it depends on a lot of things. Have you criticised his choice before? Is he genuinely rubbish as gifts?

I sent my DP and screen shot of some perfume and said I'd like to have wine and a Chinese. Job done not tears.

Emmamoo89 · 11/03/2023 12:02

Just tell him what you like.

Fairislefandango · 11/03/2023 12:09

He means he can't be arsed to think of anything. I'm not really into Mothers' Dsy - I'm happy with a card. But the low bar set, and the excuses made for pathetic men who are allegedly incapable of thinking of a suitable little present for the partner they've known for years never cease to astonish me.

You shouldn't have to 'just tell him what you like'. He knows you. He knows if you're a person who would like a breakfast reservation or a bouquet of flowers or a spa treatment. He just can't be arsed.

HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 11/03/2023 12:10

Maybe I'm missing the point here, but why are husbands buying their wives Mothers day gifts? Maybe a bunch of Daffodils, and a 'to my wife for Mothers day' card from Card warehouse. But they don't need to buy anything else. Confused

Why is any man buying their wife mothers day stuff? I mean, yes, if the children are too young to buy anything, go and get a box of Maltesers and a bunch of carnations and a bottle of wine 'off them.' But are men really doing spa days and fancy meals out for mother's day - for their WIVES? We've only just had Valentine's day! Isn't that what THAT is for? All seems a bit strange (to me.)

Misses point of thread...

SleepingisanArt · 11/03/2023 12:14

I've never understood the whole baby 'buying' their mum a gift thing. We ignored mothers day until the little ones (now adults) knew what the day was about. They made me things or drew me a special picture, made a card- when they were bigger they baked a cake and made me breakfast in bed. As students they sent me flowers, chocolates or a nice bottle of bubbles and now as adults they usually send flowers. I don't need anything really.

Conkersinautumn · 11/03/2023 12:15

If my husband wanted to get ME a gift for mother's day I'd ask for therapy, because I'd need it after the HUGE revelation that he saw me as his mum. Ew

GoodChat · 11/03/2023 13:16

Conkersinautumn · 11/03/2023 12:15

If my husband wanted to get ME a gift for mother's day I'd ask for therapy, because I'd need it after the HUGE revelation that he saw me as his mum. Ew

Don't be an arse. A baby can't buy their own gift, can they.

londonrach · 11/03/2023 13:21

Until the child is old enough to do mother's day it's abit a proper mother's day. My DH just did a card which tbh is all that needed. DD old enough and very excited this year....a hand made card would be the best gift a mother could get. One of friends 5 year old lad who was none verbal saved up and said mum on mother day....his school been working on it. My friend said honestly it was the best gift he could give her. His language is getting there slowly.

lap90 · 11/03/2023 13:22

I don't see what the issue is. With the amount of threads on here complaining about gifts received on such occasions or lack thereof, i couldn't get mad about something like this.

Luredbyapomegranate · 11/03/2023 13:23

Does think think MD is like birthdays?? In which case tell him it’s just lunch out and and a card ir whatever and to get that sorted.

TinaTotal · 11/03/2023 13:37

I've booked lunch out for Mother's Day. I decided where I wanted to go, booked the table and sent the reservation to DH. No point being disappointed on the day is there?

I don't expect a gift from DH or any of the kids but a homemade card would be lovely or some flowers or something.

I also have a shared note on my phone with things I'd like that I update when I see or think of something and this way he always has ideas of what to get for birthdays/Xmas/Mother's Day if he wants to treat me. (Kids do this too with their wish lists) why be disappointed?

OP give him a list of ideas this year/next year, he'll soon get into the swing of things.

mindutopia · 11/03/2023 13:47

I ask Dh every birthday and Father’s Day and Christmas what he wants because I’m rubbish at gifts. I think it’s perfect okay to ask. It means he does what it to be nice and wants you to have something you actually like.

MavisMcMinty · 11/03/2023 13:52

@lanthanum - good idea about the thread, but then we won’t be able to eyeroll for the inevitable “why didn’t my DH give me a present from my 4-day old newborn, waaaaaaah!” threads

NiceHotCuppaCoffee · 11/03/2023 13:56

I used to just hope people knew me well (father if the children) enough to get me what I liked or needed, it wasn't the case until my children became adults that happened.

I love most of their gifts now and I am being made a bespoke afternoon tea.