To wonder if any other parents of toddlers feel like this?

[Thesmoothblackrock]

Feel like they’re at work all the time? I feel like the days are a sort of long 12 hour shift where I can’t relax in my own home, I find it so hard.

None of my friends say this so wondering if I’m alone.

Some children are really easy and laid back, others have severe additional needs that even professionals can't handle.

Also for some people parenting comes easily and they are really good at it, while others have to work really hard to learn and struggle.

People are different

It is so much like permanently working in your own home! No sense of just chilling out or relaxing.

Initially I thought I’d drop a nursery day for ds when on maternity leave but now I’m thinking I’ll keep it at three. He’ll get some free hours January 24 which will help.

Its so reassuring people saying you come out the other side, this is what I bank on. I don’t regret ds at all but I do so wish I had a bit more of a break from him.

the best parenting advice I could ever give is to surround yourself with people who are realistic and happy to talk about how shit the days can be. I found toddlerhood a massive drag, even on ‘good’ days. Give me a newborn or a 4yo any day of the week. Toddlers can FTFO 😂

Mine are now 6&9 OP and whilst the difficulties are different (friendship issues at school, reluctance to do homework, etc) my god it’s so much easier. I can easily retreat to my bedroom and watch the iPad in peace for a good few hours without being disturbed because they just do their own thing. Bliss!

You’ve given me hope @TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl . Thank you. I needed to read that!

@Thesmoothblackrock anyone who tells you it doesn’t get easier is a bloody liar!

Seriously though take care of yourself and find some good honest mums to be friends with. I have a rule that I can’t be friends with another mum unless I’m comfortable telling her that my kids have been behaving like arseholes and she won’t judge me 😂

Yes I did it was absolutely terrible. but it gets easier. Hang in there. And I didn't have any more children so it was onwards and upwards for Me!

Yeah, work full time with a toddler and older child. Go to work for a break. Crave weekends but ready to go back to work for a break at weekends

It’s so hard the second time round isn’t it? DS1 was only a few months old when covid kicked off so I didn’t really get much of a mat leave with him, and DS2 was an absolute nightmare pretty much from the start and then my mum died when he was 8 weeks old, so the rest of the time I had off with him was largely swallowed up by dealing with that.
I feel really shit that the things I mainly remember from my two mat leaves aren’t sunny walks and coffees with NCT friends, or baby groups, or other lovely memories, but lockdown with DS1 and my mum dying/just the most horrendous time in general with DS2.

Toddlers are the worst! I was so happy to get away to work and even happier now my toddlers are 13 and 17 and can sort themselves out!

Please dont feel guilty, until about the age of 4, kids are unrelenting

You need mum friends IME. It's relentless without.

Do you get on with anyone at the toddler groups? Ask if they would like to bring little X over to play and you can have a cup of tea and a natter. Once you've done it a couple of times you often end up alternating, even forming a little group with 3-4 of you with kids the same age. It helps so much because the kids entertain each other, you only have to tidy up every other time (or every 3rd, 4th time), once the friendships get past the small talk stage you can have some actually decent adult conversation and it fills up much more time than the 1 hour per week of a group.

Other than this I break the day into chunks by meals and nap times. So morning I tend to zombify with a coffee and put various combinations of toys out for toddler to explore. Late morning I'll do some jobs around the house and he can follow me or not. Podcasts I love for this as it feels like company and a bit of intellectual stimulation. And a project like decluttering or sorting through the next stage of clothing or batch cooking or whatever. Then nap and I'll nap too if I want to. Or if he won't go down, lunch (and I just do easy shit things for lunch) and then a nap after that.

Afternoon is more zombie/TV/computer time and then we'll go out for a walk usually, or a rainy day type activity, (Before age 3, avoid anything with a specific end goal though) or if we've been out in the morning then I do a little bit of housework or whatever in the afternoon. Then DH and DS2 get home so there's someone else to talk to and help and then we get on the conveyor belt of dinner/tidy up/bath/bed.

But it's all much more manageable if I can dedicate 2-3 full mornings to things like a longer toddler group, playdate, shopping trip, visit to kids' museum or something (Season passes for these kinds of things are great when your kids are in the short attention span phase, because it means you can go to some expensive place just for 30-60 minutes rather than feeling it's a waste of the entry fee).

It's incredibly hard and don't feel bad for feeling this way. I've stopped counting the amount of times other mums have told me their actual job at work is a 'break'.

With young kids at home, you can't do... anything. It's an incredibly frustrating day to day life where you don't do anything for yourself that is truly fulfilling. And I'm not talking about basics needs like shower/skin care/exercise. I'm talking about having interests, reading, decorating, gardening, painting, diy, a hobby, crafting, studying something you're passionate about... forget all about that. Can't even string a sentence together anymore, let alone articulate a proper opinion... brain fog and constant interruptions are draining me.

Instead you literally give up and sacrifice nearly your whole self to make meals, clean up, wash clothes, tidy, clean, cook, deal with a tantrum. And another. And another.

Add tantrums whilst getting into the car. Tantrums getting out of the car. And the pram. And the house. And whilst getting the coat off. And the shoes. Every time. Physically being exhausted by battling a 15kg child in and out of everything and anything... tired mentally. Tired physically. All the time. Despite eating well, getting some sleep, exercising and being reasonably young & slim with an active and healthy ish lifestyle... wtf ?!?

It's hard to fill the day and it's utterly boring. Or it seems impossible to get everything done in a normal day. How are these both simultaneously possible ?

You can't finish a meal, a toilet trip, a drink, a conversation, a chore or a thought without being interrupted.
Every. Single. Time.
Every. Single. Day.
Every. Day.
All day.

Add a good dose of guilt for not 'working'.
Add in some more guilt for having your first short trip away in over 2 years... add kids being sick for weeks on end and hearing people say 'they have tantrums with you because they feel their safest with their mum' - no they winge at me more than they do with anyone else... and it's killing me slowly.

I keep reading on here posts about whether or not to have kids... is child free really the solution ? And with the cost of childcare for those mums who are working, I can see the argument for not having kids... By the time I go back to work I will have been at SAHM for nearly 9 years... don't get me wrong I don't regret my decision but fuck me... I can't wait to get some time to myself again.

Try tumbletots. Cheaper than softplay and you supervise instead of getting involved.

I felt like this with my first especially as it took me a while to adjust to being a new Mum.

Then I had twins the second time (which is amazing of course) but I realised I had soo much freedom with my singleton. I could go to the park easily, walk down the street, walk around the house! So much stuff I took for granted 🙈 now I have a 4 year old and 20 month old twins it’s a lot more isolating.

The trick is to get a good routine down. 2 hour nap. Nice early bedtime. Take annual leave when your toddler is at nursery.

My 4 year old (in reception) is my little best friend and I don’t find it hard work to be with her anymore really. It gets easier!

This thread very much resonates with me.

I wake up at 5:30am when the 4mo wakes. He won't go back down, so I feed and entertain him. Toddler is allowed to open his door at 7, so there is an inevitable shout and all peace is gone, as the shout has set off the dog as well.

The next 12.5 hours are filled with incessant screaming, squealing, whining, requests for snacks, tantrums, and boundaries being tested. The word "no" has lost all meaning it's said so much. I give up and let DS watch cartoons just so that I can tidy the shithole kitchen, which winds up a mess 15 minutes later. The only actual calm when DS plays nicely is interrupted on queue by either the baby wanting his billionth bottle of the day or the dog doing something thick like getting his stupid fluffy tail caught in a drawer.

Bedtime is a relief until one of the boys decides they aren't tired despite being clearly shattered. Then the shouting starts again.

I would go to bed early, but the baby wakes for a feed at 11, so there's no point trying to sleep before then because then I'd have no time with DH at all, let alone time to myself.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family. But being a SAHP is so hard and thankless. And with a messy house despite trying to clean loads, it is very disheartening a lot of the time.

20 months is peak toddler. They ABU

See it's so individual because I find my 18mo a joy and my 4yo incredibly hard work!

they can be both …

But surely SURELY by four you can have a conversation , of sorts? And they can entertain themselves a little tiny bit? Surely? <groans>

"Mummy, watch. Mummy, watch this. Mummy. Mummy. Look. Mummy, watch. MUMMAYYYYYY."

"Ok, I'm watching."

3 second dance routine

I do feel like I have found my tribe haha. So far my two yr old woke up screaming with a poonami, then screamed as my husband and I had to wrestle him out of pooey pjs (when they grip onto the sleeves so you cant take it off aghhhhh). So he woke my 4 year old who decided I needed to draw him a cheetah, with a straight tale, not a curly tale apparently. Obviously this wasnt a convenient time as I was covered in poo. Then came the inevitable whinging. Now they're screaming because they want to watch different cartoons. Jesus christ.

I am so glad I read this...reminds me why i'm 1 and done. Loving the teen years as they bugger off with their mates a lot!

Oh god …

Ive realised one of the problems is we don’t have many, if any, memories from before we were 5. So I don’t remember being this demanding but of course I will have been ..

Yes it's like being permanently 'on'. I have two little ones and never get a moment to myself. Some days I really struggle, with breastfeeding baby and dealing with toddler demands.

However, despite the negative bits, I absolutely love it and would hate to be at work away from them. We spend most of our time outside, and know most of the people in our area, so we're not often at the park alone, always someone for me to talk to and my toddler to play with.

But that's not how you feel and that's more than ok. We have to do what's best for us, otherwise the kids don't get the best of us. You're a better mum when you get what you need. So if that means going back to work, or giving the kids to your partner for an hour every evening so you can go out do as you please, then that's what you need to do!

I love my toddler, but it can be hard at times, I definitely feel I’m happy because of the balance I have, she sleeps at night usually through but in regressions can have one wake up, so we get a few hours in the evening and get to sleep at night, I work 4 days a week so for 4 days I can go to toilet in peace and enjoy cups of tea plus have a lovely hour to myself at lunch (there are other stresses with work obviously). Days I’m with DD she naps 2-3 hours so I get a bit of downtime then. I try to do at least some housework and cooking when she’s awake, it’s tough but I don’t want to be doing it all when she’s asleep when I want to chill. And DH does a decent share of parenting, like right now he’s up with her and I’m in bed. We also get a lot of family support. I would be infinitely less happy if any of these factors (sleep/ work/ support) weren’t there.

I went back to work at four and five months respectively for three days a week.
Those three days, until they went to school, were my favourite time of the week.