Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if any other parents of toddlers feel like this?

87 replies

Thesmoothblackrock · 10/03/2023 19:35

Feel like they’re at work all the time? I feel like the days are a sort of long 12 hour shift where I can’t relax in my own home, I find it so hard.

None of my friends say this so wondering if I’m alone.

OP posts:
smellyflowers · 10/03/2023 19:37

I find my actual work is like a break 🙃

Aftjbtibg · 10/03/2023 19:39

I feel like this today particularly; my working days are more restful. I feel sad that I look forward to the evenings so much.

smellyflowers · 10/03/2023 19:40

Aftjbtibg · 10/03/2023 19:39

I feel like this today particularly; my working days are more restful. I feel sad that I look forward to the evenings so much.

Yes I feel guilty about it a lot

MeinKraft · 10/03/2023 19:41

Oh yes. Your times not your own when there's a toddler in the house. Even simple things like reading a book - I can get 2 pages in before I get a doll chucked at my head. Or crocheting - yes if I want my wool immediately strewn around the room!

cadburyegg · 10/03/2023 19:42

I didn't enjoy being at home much with toddlers tbh. I did 3 days a week at work and enjoyed it much more. I wish I had done more days tbh!

MeinKraft · 10/03/2023 19:43

Oh don't feel guilty though. It's not that you don't want to be with your child. It's just that it's difficult to do anything with them around and it's very constrictive.

Flamingogirl08 · 10/03/2023 20:02

I felt it today and mines only 10 months. Really hard day

Original poster
Thesmoothblackrock · 10/03/2023 20:04

It is so difficult! I just struggle to fill time and I used to think SAHMs had such an easy life but I realise how stupid that was.

OP posts:
LongRoadtoNowhere · 10/03/2023 20:09

Yes! I get so bored on the days it’s just me and my 2 year old. Love him to pieces but it can be so mind numbing and there’s only so many verryyyy sloooow walks around the park I can take.

DashboardConfessional · 10/03/2023 20:09

You're not alone. I've worked 3 days a week since 2019 but I think I'm going to go up to 4 days until DS starts school in September. We've exhausted every local attraction and none of our friends are free on one of the days as the mums are at work!

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 10/03/2023 20:12

The constant whining, whinging, asking for snacks, the tantrums over me offering the wrong spoon, the effort of getting out the house, the inexplicable mess everywhere even when you feel like you're cleaning all day, being covered in body fluids all the time, oh and finding cheerios stuck to your socks every 5 minutes. Then there's the mum guilt for not enjoying the above and for putting cartoons on for hours to get some peace. Trust me you're not alone. Patenting toddlers is so so hard.

Original poster
Thesmoothblackrock · 10/03/2023 20:13

@Higgeldypiggeldy35 thats my life yeah … isn’t a snack pesterer to be fair but so often it feels like nothing is good enough!

OP posts:
ewright86 · 10/03/2023 20:14

I start “work” the second my four year old wakes up.
get everyone up, get dressed, sort the dogs, keep the child on time, breakfast, nursery drop off, walk dogs, work 8 hours, straight back to nursery, cook tea, tidy up a bit, feed dogs, eat, bath time, bed time.
that doesn’t include the random little things I do throughout the day when working from home.
it’s like I’m at work from 6am until 7pm and when you throw tantrums and not listening in the mix….

HelloBunny · 10/03/2023 20:14

This is so interesting to read. DS is 2.5, and I don’t feel this way at all. We either go out or tootle about at home. We co-sleep so I’m never away from him at home. I do sometimes wish I could just go to bed, and actually go to sleep! But, daytime, he does plenty without my input.

DoloresOnTheDottedLine · 10/03/2023 20:16

This is exactly how I feel. I’m at the end of a particularly relentless three weeks of work, house work and parenting and I feel absolutely drained of life.

DD is currently refusing to go down to bed and my partner has just said “do you want me to go up to her?” underlining that, having not been here all week or contributed in any way to parenting or the household chores, he fully believes this is my responsibility that he can offer to help with if he feels inclined.

If I’m lucky, after DD finally goes to sleep, there will be a 30 minute window of “me time” before I go to sleep and then get up and do it all over again.

So basically, I hear you sister.

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 10/03/2023 20:16

@Thesmoothblackrock im sending solidarity. I actually increased my hours to 4 days a week because honestly i dont enjoy being at home for 10 hours a day on my own with my kids. Which I feel terrible about as well. Guilty every day. But i figure Im a better mum if I am happy. I had postnatal depression and anxiety with my second as well.

Original poster
Thesmoothblackrock · 10/03/2023 20:18

I’m probably in a bit of a negative spiral at the moment. Fed up of teletubbies and mr tumble, no idea how to entertain toddler without expensive soft play (hideous) or toddler groups (enjoyable but only one hour of a 12 hour shift) or parks (cold and miserable and so dull)

OP posts:
Covidwoes · 10/03/2023 20:19

Yes, which is why I work 3 days a week. 😂

SueVineer · 10/03/2023 20:21

I just posted on another thread saying I think I was a much better parent because I went back to work in the toddler years and got dds a nanny. Toddlers need so much time and attention. It’s exhausting!!!

of course another poster immediately claimed she loved looking after toddlers and that they were the best years of her life. But while they were lovely times I definitely did the right thing giving myself a break.

Original poster
Thesmoothblackrock · 10/03/2023 20:22

I do get a break with 3 days a week work. But I still have the before and after to deal with (not too bad) but also it’s not like work is stress free so that complicates the issue to a large extent. Then I find myself dreading weekends as it’s more of the same.

OP posts:
Keepitrealnomists · 10/03/2023 20:22

I have a 6 year old and 9 month old, work from home PT with the baby. Do all the school run, 80% of the cooking, cleaning, etc. I'm exhausted and just want to run away most days.

UraWizard · 10/03/2023 20:23

Personally have a mixture depending on what sort of mood my toddler is in. The latest battle is refusal to go anywhere, no matter how well it is sold to him. On those days, I would happily swap places with my full-time working DH😅but the mess, oh my goodness nothing prepared me for the mess

Coffeaddict · 10/03/2023 20:23

smellyflowers · 10/03/2023 19:37

I find my actual work is like a break 🙃

This.

The luxury of being able to pee without companionship / 3 year old climbing all over me.

RidingMyBike · 10/03/2023 20:23

Mine was so awful at this age I applied for a full time job with a long commute just so I didn't have to spend as much time with her! I already worked 3 days a week (with much shorter commute) and that was the only way we survived the experience!

Toddlers are a nightmare!

TheNoodlesIncident · 10/03/2023 20:24

Little kids are so intense. It's always full on, you're always on the go, you don't get much time to just sit down with a hot drink and totally relax.

It gets better as they get more used to pottering about doing their own thing, or they'll sit and watch a CBeebies programme, or get engrossed in something. And toddler stuff just isn't everyone's bag. You might find the things they want to do mind-numbing and find it hard to fake enthusiasm and pretend excitement.

I didn't have WhatsApp when DS was in this stage. It would have been easier on me if I had as I could have occasionally tried to raise some solidarity from other parents going through it too. As it was I felt quite isolated and every day seemed to last forever.

It does get easier as they get older fortunately.