Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be a SAHP to pre-schoolers if you were financially independent?

267 replies

Kitchenette · 10/03/2023 08:20

Not super-rich but say you had enough capital to pay yourself an income for life equal to your full time earnings.

I’m always interested in SAHP threads on here and the various very reasonable objections people raise to it- that you’re making yourself vulnerable financially while also putting too great a strain on the paid working partner. But say we took money out of it- would you prefer to stay at home or go to work? For the purposes of the poll it’s a binary choice (of course IRL the best answer for many of us would be to work PT).

YABU- I would prefer to be in paid employment
YANBU- I would prefer to be a SAHP

Me- I’ve had periods of SAHM, FT and PT work since my children were born. Binary choice with pre-school children and no money worries-I’d be at home, no question.

OP posts:
Twizbe · 10/03/2023 08:24

I much prefer to be a SAHM. I've worked full time and life is so much less stressful for us with me being at home.

Persipan · 10/03/2023 08:24

If I had the financial means to work a bit, spend a bit more time with my child, and also have some time where I wasn't at work but he was in childcare, then that would be my ideal. Out of 7 days in the week, say maybe 3 days work out volunteering, 3 days with him, 1 day for me. (I'm a single parent so time to get stuff done/occasionally do something for myself is at a premium).

Persipan · 10/03/2023 08:26

*work OR volunteering

W0tnow · 10/03/2023 08:26

SAHM for as long as I wanted. I have been lucky enough to be able to dip in and out of paid work. I never found staying at home boring or a drudge.

EdgeOfACoin · 10/03/2023 08:37

I find child development fascinating and the preschool years are a very interesting time.

If money were no object and I could go back into a good career, I would stay at home in the early years.

HanSB · 10/03/2023 08:39

No, I chose to have a nanny and go back to work from 3 months part-time but I worked from home and breastfed throughout the day.

Riverlee · 10/03/2023 08:41

Yes, I was a sahm to my two dc. Wouldn’t have had it any other way. We made sacrifices - cheap holidays, old car, etc, plus I got an evening job to help cover costs.

rosegoldivy · 10/03/2023 08:41

I would split my week. 3yr old DD and twins nearly 2.
Would keep them 2 and half days in childcare and the rest with me.
Would mean I would get time to myself and also time to spend with the kids
Win win

ConsuelaHammock · 10/03/2023 08:43

I’d work part time and have a cleaner.

DuvetDownn · 10/03/2023 08:47

I was a SAHM and I wasn’t wasn’t financially independent. My family had and still have a wonderful life (my DC are young adults now) we’re very fortunate.
I was able to put my DC inti nursery for a few sessions a week and I also joined a health club with a lovely crèche which worked well. I used to get all jobs done during the week so evenings and weekends were filled with doing fun family activities.

WandaWonder · 10/03/2023 08:56

No because I always stand on my own two feet being an adult, so sure if I had my own money coming in I may work pt but I would need to either work or volunteer

InDubiousBattle · 10/03/2023 08:57

I chose it and I wasn't financially independent. I was a SAHM for 7 years and loved it.

Comedycook · 10/03/2023 08:57

Kids or not, I'd never work unless I had to.

Refrosty · 10/03/2023 08:58

I'd likely still want to work, but nowhere near 40 hours a week.

Swiftswatch · 10/03/2023 08:59

I would want them to be in preschool style nursery from about 2 a few days a week. I think the structured nature, other children and other adults have a massive positive on development. So I would either not work or only work a few hours a day while they were at preschool.

RudsyFarmer · 10/03/2023 09:01

I was a SAHM and I think it’s much better for women’s mental health to be able to work as much as they want around their children. So I would vote SAHM when babies. Part time work when they start school and then whatever your lifestyle dictates thereafter.

Blueberrywitch · 10/03/2023 09:01

I would still work but part time, my career is not just about financial independence but is a vocation.

Meandfour · 10/03/2023 09:02

This is pretty much me. I’m a SAHM. I get a monthly income without working and have a pension. I’m never bored; have loads of things to do to keep me busy. Currently a newborn but before he arrived I had lots of things to keep me busy.

Meandfour · 10/03/2023 09:03

Comedycook · 10/03/2023 08:57

Kids or not, I'd never work unless I had to.

An honest answer 🙌🏼

museumum · 10/03/2023 09:05

I had one child by choice and feel it would be too hard work to give him enough social stimulation as a sahp. I know it’s possible for others but for me personally I think he was better with a combination of short days in nursery and days 1:1 with me.
If I’d had more children I’d feel differently I think.

Cleargreysky · 10/03/2023 09:09

Oh yes, the ONLY reason I work is financial. Being a financially independent SAHM is literally my dream! I have masses of my own interests and would love the time to do these, that work and kids squeezes out.

I actually know a financially independent SAHM to one older child, no H, who does nothing but domestic chores whilst her son is at school. The waste! Such an opportunity lost!

Itdjgsurchg · 10/03/2023 09:12

SAHM. I have to say I enjoyed lockdown with my 3 and 1 year old and am so grateful for that time. We made crafts, went for lovely walks, baked etc. I was never stressed. I like my job and like the adult company but hate the running around, making sure the dog’s walked before, getting bags and uniform ready for school. I find it very stressful and I’m always snappy.

RidingMyBike · 10/03/2023 09:15

No way would I be a SAHM. I barely coped on a year's maternity leave, had severe PND, was totally miserable and hated being at home with my baby. Came off anti-depressants when I went back to work and was so much happier! I couldn't be at home with a kid all the time, I'd go mad.

I think the ideal would be to do a job you enjoy but maybe part-time. Use the financial security to pay for things like a cleaner then the really boring bits of being at home are taken care of.

NoSquirrels · 10/03/2023 09:18

Financially secure and with infants and preschoolers, yes, I’d stay home, thanks.

(As you say, work is about more than that and actually I’d still want to keep my hand in so PT, but in your binary world I’d choose my babies, 100%).

byvirtue · 10/03/2023 09:22

I’m basically doing this, SAHM earning £20k a year work c.6 hours a week, usually during the evenings (property and another business now virtually outsourced).

Im certainly not financially independent but I have my own money and pay for our holidays. Used to have a cleaner but now my daughter is at school I do that. I never want to return to proper work I have lots of hobbies and interests that keep me super busy plus I’m around all the school holidays.