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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you send your DC to a working class school

93 replies

TrampolineParty · 09/03/2023 17:42

To cut a long story short - my DP attended a school which is described as having

low attainment
serves an area of high deprivation
I've seen it said online about it that it serves a lot of 'rough' working class kids

My partner's working class. Council estate background but a less rough person than my DP it's hard to imagine !

My D.C. loved his school and was very well liked there - with people who knew him there thinking of him as decent and one of the good ones .

I in contrast had a much worse time at my school and I'd much rather our DC go to my partner's old school than mine Our DC is 5 now - WIBU to send her to my partner's old school despite it not being seen as 'academic?'

OP posts:
Hotvimto3 · 09/03/2023 17:42

Send her

Original poster
TrampolineParty · 09/03/2023 17:43

Sorry just to say - we live fairly near his old school and within the catchment atm - but just out of interest - AIBU to consider my partner's school as a prospect for our D.C.

OP posts:
Original poster
TrampolineParty · 09/03/2023 17:44

Hotvimto3 · 09/03/2023 17:42

Send her

Thank you - I'd really like to

OP posts:
Idkrealorfake · 09/03/2023 17:45

Sounds like real life experiences should beat whatever you heard online, no? Could just be a bunch of snobs slating it.

JussathoB · 09/03/2023 17:46

Go and visit the local schools and have a good look at the children, the classrooms, talk to the teachers, read the websites and the foster reports before deciding

Original poster
TrampolineParty · 09/03/2023 17:46

Idkrealorfake · 09/03/2023 17:45

Sounds like real life experiences should beat whatever you heard online, no? Could just be a bunch of snobs slating it.

Agreed !!

OP posts:
JussathoB · 09/03/2023 17:46

Ofsted reports ( not foster reports)

Ireallydohope · 09/03/2023 17:48

You need to visit it to get a proper feel

Climbles · 09/03/2023 17:50

Loads of ‘rough schools’ are lovely and ‘posh schools’ are a nightmare. It can be a bit more complicated in secondary if you live near gangs or county line operations.

Whatisthisanyidea · 09/03/2023 17:52

I would take her where she fitted in. Some schools work for some children.

KiwiMum2023 · 09/03/2023 17:52

Low attainment and the rough element makes it sound a bit grim to be honest. I’d be avoiding it.

Megifer · 09/03/2023 17:52

Ha! My DC went to a vair posh school for a little while. I was so happy he got in as i am very WC and proud of it, but wanted him to have more opportunities.

What a mistake that was. Bullying because he wasn't as 'rich' as others, vaping in the corridors, there was a sexual assault incident that he witnessed and it was covered up, drugs, knives took in, it was like the wild west!

The school he is in now is, on the outside, the pits. They have a police officer attached to it!! He was desperately unhappy where he was and I worried for his safety, he wanted to be with friends. I have to say its fantastic, the worst thing he has told me is someone snuck a mcdonalds in 🤣

FlounderingFruitcake · 09/03/2023 17:53

YANBU to consider the school when you’re in catchment for it, anyone who doesn’t give their catchment school at least basic consideration is being a bit silly IMO since you could always get allocated it (unless you go private). However, your own experiences of school aren’t relevant. A lot will have changed in that time. So take your bad experience and DH’s good one out of the equation because this is about your DD and what the schools are like today. Go to the open days, talk to the teachers, if you know any current parents talk to them, look at Ofstead, results and do the same for all the local schools. Then decide what would be best for your DD!

Okki · 09/03/2023 17:53

How much is likely to have changed since you were both at school? What are the facilities like, what is said around things like bullying? Tbh, I wouldn't be choosing a school based on what it was like 20 years ago. My DC's went to a primary school in a deprived area and now go to a secondary in a deprived area. In the last few years both schools have had a lot of investment and are now Ofsted good. We were happy for them to go as their pastoral care was brilliant.

Original poster
TrampolineParty · 09/03/2023 17:54

Megifer · 09/03/2023 17:52

Ha! My DC went to a vair posh school for a little while. I was so happy he got in as i am very WC and proud of it, but wanted him to have more opportunities.

What a mistake that was. Bullying because he wasn't as 'rich' as others, vaping in the corridors, there was a sexual assault incident that he witnessed and it was covered up, drugs, knives took in, it was like the wild west!

The school he is in now is, on the outside, the pits. They have a police officer attached to it!! He was desperately unhappy where he was and I worried for his safety, he wanted to be with friends. I have to say its fantastic, the worst thing he has told me is someone snuck a mcdonalds in 🤣

This is such a heartwarming story - I'm so glad things have worked out for him

OP posts:
titchy · 09/03/2023 17:54

Go and visit, no one including your dp, can possibly say whether she'll do well there unless you go and see for yourselves, and visit other local schools to compare.

Your dd is not your dp, and the environment when he was there will be completely different to how it is these days.

Moonopoly · 09/03/2023 17:55

I think you shouldn’t judge either on your experiences. Schools change a lot in a few years let alone decades. Go and see them now and ask around locally to get parents viewpoints. Ofsted isn’t always the best measure in my experience and some ‘good’ schools are good at paper work but not at actually nurturing children.

Original poster
TrampolineParty · 09/03/2023 17:55

Okki · 09/03/2023 17:53

How much is likely to have changed since you were both at school? What are the facilities like, what is said around things like bullying? Tbh, I wouldn't be choosing a school based on what it was like 20 years ago. My DC's went to a primary school in a deprived area and now go to a secondary in a deprived area. In the last few years both schools have had a lot of investment and are now Ofsted good. We were happy for them to go as their pastoral care was brilliant.

Yes that's definitely something to consider - it's a while since we were both in school ! Glad your choice has been good for your DC!

OP posts:
creekingmillenial · 09/03/2023 17:56

My kids were happy in a low income area school with no PTA and almost all ‘working class’ parents. They are now at a more posh school (still state school but ‘nicer’ demographic. The behaviour of some of the mums isn’t very nice e.g naming and shaming children. There is also a lot of pressure to give loads of money to the PTA.

Megifer · 09/03/2023 18:01

TrampolineParty · 09/03/2023 17:54

This is such a heartwarming story - I'm so glad things have worked out for him

Show quote history

Oh it has 😊 hell never be a rocket scientist, and yea maybe the actual quality of teaching might have been better in posh school, but he's happy, got lovely friends, confident, all the other kids I see walking home etc seem like nice kids and down to earth (I fell over a few months ago and two giant year 10s from shitty school helped me up 😩 )

Go and have a look 😊

Nevermind31 · 09/03/2023 18:01

Go and have a look at the school.
do you like what you see?
How do you feel at drop off/ collection times (does rough mean some parents turning up in pyjamas, which wouldn’t affect you much, or do parents swear, smoke, fight?)?
low attainment would be something that would put me off.
does your child fit in? Will they be made fun off/ bullied because of they go skiing/ several holidays, have a bigger house etc?

of you see what you like, and you think it is a good fit for your child - go for it!

Original poster
TrampolineParty · 09/03/2023 18:02

creekingmillenial · 09/03/2023 17:56

My kids were happy in a low income area school with no PTA and almost all ‘working class’ parents. They are now at a more posh school (still state school but ‘nicer’ demographic. The behaviour of some of the mums isn’t very nice e.g naming and shaming children. There is also a lot of pressure to give loads of money to the PTA.

That's the thing - middle class parents all turned their backs - or seem to - at my DP's school. PTA's at more affluent schools can be problematic though - exactly as you describe

OP posts:
Donotgogentle · 09/03/2023 18:04

It’s not actually a bad thing to be working class you know?

I realise your OP is talking about deprivation and attainment which are different issues but the title is off.

DanceMonster · 09/03/2023 18:06

Send her to whatever school you think will suit her needs the best.

Dodgeitornot · 09/03/2023 18:06

Meh it depends on the school. I'd go visit both with an open mind. I had a job where I'd work in various schools doing specialist 1:1 support and I've seen awful schools with low attainment where the behaviour was really, really dangerous, that deserved their reputation.
There are some expensive schools that are bad too, a lot of drugs, neglect and parents ready with fake alibis to cover up for their kids. Same with the leafy comps people pay £1.5mil go get into. However, those schools are often looked down on by that clientele. You wouldn't really know they were a bad private school if you weren't looking, if that makes sense?
In my experience it's best when it's a nice mix. Not too much poverty and not too much wealth. Unfortunately that's often only possible in large cities but I think it gives the best of both worlds.
In your situation I'd go in with open eyes. My only concern with the 'bad' school is how bad it is. Some really do deserve their reputation.

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